


Tide's Rising

by blueroanmare



Category: Hunger Games - Fandom, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Action/Adventure, Bad Boys, Drama & Romance, F/M, Family, Friendship, Mystery, Original Character(s), Rebellion, Romance, Sisters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-01-18 04:23:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 92,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21269186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueroanmare/pseuds/blueroanmare
Summary: Seraphina Lucas' life is about to change. She's only doing this Hunger Games for her sister. The game plan: get through it and survive. But along the way she meets another tribute who turns her life upside down and makes her question her reality. What is really worth fighting for?
Relationships: Finnick Odair/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first serious dive into this fandom! Buckle in, you're in for a ride :)

_Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision._

_Winston Churchill_

* * *

"Did you see that fish?! It was so pretty, like a little rainbow," Sera said as she peered over the side of the dinghy that she was paddling alongside her older sister. It was a lovely day out, and the sisters were spending some much needed time together. The water curled around the paddles and gently lapped against the boat with a pleasing sound. It was high summer and the sun's rays warmed the air around them.

Ellie tossed her black hair off to one side and scrunched up her face. "Ugh, Sera, don't do that! I'm gonna barf if you keep rocking the boat like this. This was a bad idea. I knew I shouldn't be out on the water today."

Sitting up, Sera looked over at her sister and worriedly asked, "Are you okay? I didn't mean to upset your stomach. Maybe you're right. We should go back; there's a lot to do anyways."

"It's okay," Ellie replied as she shot Sera a smile. "It's not your fault. It's just me being pregnant, that's all. Morning sickness sucks, that much I can tell you. But yeah, we have a lot to do. Reaping Day tomorrow and all."

Sera fell silent as she thought about the big day coming up. It was always a worrisome time - anyone could be chosen. It was Ellie's last year to be reaped, then after that, she only had herself to worry about for one more year. She thought the chances of either of them unlikely, seeing as their mother was a Victor. But it could always happen. Glancing over at Ellie's still flat stomach, she sighed. Her sister had been quiet on the whole matter. At least she was keeping the kid. Their mother had been… well, she hadn't been too upset about the pregnancy out of wedlock, but she _had_ been upset that Ellie had rejected Quinn. "Ellie? Tell me again… just because you haven't said a lot about it, but why didn't you want Quinn around as the dad?"

Ellie pulled her paddle into the dinghy and placed it neatly at her feet, letting Sera steer them in to the waiting dock. She placed a hand on her stomach and sighed. "Sorry to cut things short. I just don't feel well." She paused to check their direction before saying, "He just… he's not mature enough to be a dad. I know this. Sure, I've had to grow up quickly too, but he's not serious about this. About us. He thinks he can just goof off or pretend this isn't happening. So no, that's not the kind of guy I need around me. But I have you and Mom to support me. I'm carrying a precious life inside me, and that's fucking scary and amazing at the same time."

The boat bumped against the dock, making Ellie retch a bit, but strong hands reached down for her and helped her up to the dock. A curt voice cut through the air. "About time you girls got back. You know we need the boats all shored up and pretty-like for tomorrow."

"Sorry," Sera replied to the silver haired man. "We should have gone earlier, or not at all." Grabbing Ellie's hand, she walked back to the Victor's Village. The usual bustle of District Four was amplified this morning as people darted about with the preparations. The girls managed to stay out of the way but avoided the town Square. Ellie thought it was bad luck to go there before the reaping. The breeze blew their black hair back behind them, and their sun kissed skin gleamed in the brightness of the day. "You feeling better?" Sera asked as they finally reached their mother's home.

"Yeah, I do, now that I'm not bobbing up and down like a cork. It's too bad though. I was really looking forward to spending extra time with my sister. We've both been so busy with training and getting the fish in. And what if it's the last time we get to do this?" Ellie looked away, not wishing to meet Sera's face.

Shaking her head, Sera lightly snapped, "Don't say that! Don't! I couldn't bear thinking about that. We'll get to do this _many_ more times! You hear me?"

Ellie reached for her sister and the two of them shared a hug as she whispered in Sera's ear, "I hear you. I hear you. You're gonna be the best aunt ever and I'm so lucky to have you and Mom with me."

At last, Sera pulled away and looked at Ellie's stomach. It was still strange to think of it, being an aunt. At the same time, it was so exciting. Sure, the circumstances weren't the most ideal. How many times had the two of them talked over dreams of getting married and having a family one day? What the man of their dreams might look like? Her sister was a strong woman, that much she knew. They'd get through whatever the future would bring. She only hoped that she'd be just as strong as Ellie one day.

Dinner with the family was quiet that night. Isabelle looked at her two daughters. Her face look tired but her voice was undaunted. "Seraphina, Ellenore. You've trained well this past year. I have taught you so much. Ellie, your training has been on point this year. We've kept the secret of your pregnancy. I think we can keep it a bit longer if you are still wishing to do that."

Blowing out a breath, Ellie replied, "I think so, Mom. I mean, just until tomorrow at least. After everything is… over. I mean…"

Sera knew what she meant. If Ellie wasn't reaped, then it would be safe to come out with the news. After tomorrow, Ellie would never be in the reaping pool again, and she would be free to raise her baby and deal with life in District Four. It was a good decision, and she agreed wholeheartedly. Best to keep that secret from Snow for now.

Turning to her other daughter, Isabelle didn't smile as she soberly said, "Sera. You're not as strong with your Games training, but you're smart. You're not as quick as the others. That's not necessarily a bad thing. But if you're chosen, you _need_ to remember all your Career training."

"But I'm not a Career!" Sera hadn't meant to blurt that out, but it was true. She never considered herself as a Career. It was Ellie who was the true Career girl. Ellie was the one who was always at the training centre. Sera had to be dragged there and made to go through the motions. It was so frustrating; everyone else seemed to be a better fighter. They were faster. They punched harder. They seemed to _enjoy _it. She wasn't a Career. She'd much rather go out in the boats and help with the fishing. Nothing pleased her better than to sit on the deck of the boats, letting the sun make her tanned skin even browner, and mend the nets. She liked making the knots over and over; it settled her in her brain. It was something they had all learned to do as children, but Sera was better at it than Ellie. So that was something.

She turned her attention back to her mother as Isabelle spoke firmly, "I know it's not your thing, Sera. I'm just saying I want you safe, if it happens. You still have one more year after this Reaping. Then after that, I won't have to worry about it anymore, other than keeping Snow off my back as much as I can. I don't want him to use either of you girls. You're my family." Isabelle reached for her glass and took a deep sip.

"Mom?" Ellie raised her eyebrows at her mother. "You're not drinking again, are you?"

Scoffing, Isabelle merely replied, "Just a little for the nerves. That's all."

Sighing to herself, Sera kept her eyes on her mother. She hoped it was just a "little" as her mom had put it. There were days when her mother would be totally out of it, lost in the nightmares of her Games. That's when she drank most, but thankfully she wasn't too bad for most of the year. It was just during the Games or the Victory tours that triggered her mom most, but Isabelle _had_ been trying to kick the habit for the sake of her daughters. Mags had her basket weaving. Finnick could sit and do knots for hours. It was a coping mechanism, Sera knew. A thought flitted into her head: what if she or Ellie did get reaped? What coping mechanism would they use when they got back?

That night, Sera slept over in Ellie's bed. It had become a tradition since Ellie's first Reaping. There was always that little "what if we never get to do this again" even if no one said it. They snuggled together without saying much and fell into a restless sleep.

The day dawned bright and fair, just the kind of day the Capitol liked to have for their television. The morning was rushed as everyone made sure the last minute preparations were done before going to the town square to see the large television. The Reaping started in District 12 first, so Sera could take her time getting to the square. They might have watched it at home, but a Victor was expected to be out and mingling, as much as Isabelle hated that. And that also meant her two daughters were expected to join her.

Caesar was already jabbering about something or other and Sera was amused to see that this year's colour was purple. Actually, it looked pretty good on him, much better than that hideous orange from last year. Twelve's tributes looked okay; the boy looked like someone to watch out for but Twelve was Twelve. The poorest district. Eleven was just as uneventful, and Sera started to get bored waiting for District's Four's turn.

She had just been thinking that when a stream of cursing erupted from the television. Sera looked up in surprise as the boy tribute from 10 gave the guards a bit of trouble. A temper on that one. Not good. But maybe it would be fine actually. The hot tempered ones often were overconfident and eliminated early. Too bad the girl tribute was so young, a twelve year old. Sera gave no more thought to the incident since the guards seemed to get things under control and the cameras moved on.

District after district reaped their tributes and Sera bit her lip when the train pulled up to the square. Their turn at last. She looked at her mother, standing tall and proud looking. Good she didn't look drunk, though she did hold her liquor pretty well. However, no one could hold a candle to Haymitch. That man seemed perpetually drunk. Sera couldn't understand how he and Isabelle were close friends, but they were.

At last they were all ready and Effie stood on the stage. The crowd gathered around somberly. DIstrict Four technically was a Career district, and they were based on ranks. The boys stood apart from the girls and Sera wrapped her hand in her sister's for encouragement. She glanced over at the boys' section and looked them all over. She knew there might be some volunteers if they didn't like who was chosen for the Games. But if the tribute was among the three or four ranked best, then there would be no volunteers. Sera sighed, knowing she wasn't among them. But Ellie was.

Effie Trinket's fake voice grated harshly on Sera's ears. She had a name in her hand and she smiled at girls got reaped first and Sera thought that, other than Ellie, the best girl would be the big broad shouldered Lacey. She was a tough girl, someone not to be underestimated. But that wasn't the name drawn.

"Our District Four girl tribute is… Eleanor Lucas!"

The breath left Sera's lungs as she felt her sister stiffen beside her. Ellie had a grim expression on her face and strode up to the stage without a word and stood alone, facing the crowd. No. This couldn't be happening! Anyone but Ellie! And what about -

"Our District four male tribute is… Leviathan Moreno! Come on up on stage!"

Sera snorted but otherwise didn't say anything. So it was Levi. It was a good choice and people were pleased. Levi was top ranked in the boys in their district.. Mean, perhaps, but a force to be reckoned with. He looked proud as punch too to be standing there next to Effie and he smirked over at Ellie. It was that hateful look on his face that killed Sera.

"Wonderful! Just wonderful!: Efffie exclaimed in that horrendous excited voice. "Now are there any volunteers that would like to take the place of these tributes?"

Quick as a wink, Sera raised her hand before anyone else could blink. "I will! I will volunteer as tribute!"


	2. Chapter 2

_"There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn't."_

_\- John Green_

* * *

"How could you do that?!"

Sera looked at her sister as they sat in the room to say goodbye. Everything was still surreal. She was going to the 68th Hunger Games. In place of her sister.

Ellie snapped her fingers in front of Sera's eyes to refocus her. "Sera Lucas! Why on earth would you volunteer in place of me?! Why?"

"Because…" Sera started to say then stopped. Her eyes dropped to Ellie's still flat stomach and said, "I did it for you. And the baby. You both deserve a chance to have your child. I couldn't have borne if… if… anything happened to both of you! You're my sister. That kid is my niece or nephew. I'm going to protect both of you with everything I got. And you're safe now. They'll never choose you again."

Her sister stared, then unleashed a whole lot of yelling - mostly about how stupid that was to do. But Sera knew she was angry more out of fear. Fear that her little sister would never come home again.

At last Sera placed her hand on Ellie's and shushed her, "Hey, getting that upset isn't gonna be good for the little one. I'm sorry, okay? I know it was your right to get picked. You're the best female fighter and you trained so hard. I'm terrible at it. But Ellie? You're my sister. And that's why I'm going to fight so hard. I want to come home and be the best aunt I can be."

"That's not the point!" Ellie shouted before she calmed her voice. Only this time she was on the verge of tears. "You're not terrible, Sera. You just… I know you can do it." She fell into her coaching mode. "Just remember what our trainers taught us. Remember to keep moving. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Find water. Don't get caught in the bloodbath. And don-"

"Stop, Ellie. I'll do my best. I promise."

Ellie sighed and unhooked her necklace. "Here. You need a good luck charm. Carry mine with you. Just remember I'll always be with you. And Sera? You'd better bring it back, you hear?"

Blinking back tears, Sera shook her head. "But that's yours, Ellie, from our father. It's a special gift just for you. It'd be safer with you. I got my bracelet from him, see?" She glanced down at the pretty silver bracelet that adorned her wrist. The girls never knew who their father was. All they knew was that they were both from the same man, that he lived in the Capitol, and that he couldn't come see them. But for some reason, Isabelle wouldn't tell them his name. Occasionally he'd send gifts for them, the most precious of all being the necklace for Ellie and the bracelet for Sera.

"I know, but I want you to have it. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet him. Unlikely though. I want you to have it, Sera. Then you have something of all of us. Our family. Okay?"

"Okay, was all she could say to that as she reached for the necklace and gently put it on.

Sighing, Ellie nodded and leaned in for a hug. The sisters sat like that for a good minute before Ellie whispered in Sera's ear, "You come to me. I need you."

With that, she got up and left the room. Sera had hardly time to process things before Mags walked in. Looking up at her in surprise, she asked, "What are you doing here? Aren't you my mentor?"

Mags smiled warmly at the girl before sitting down and taking one of Sera's hands in her own. "No, your mother insisted on being your mentor for this Games."

"But why? Wouldn't that be a… what do you call it?" She screwed up her face trying to remember the correct phrase.

Nodding, Mags replied, "A conflict of interest. I know. She insisted on it. I am getting old, Sera, though I would have been greatly honoured to mentor you. Your mother, however, feels it is her duty to guide her daughter in this. She would have done the same for Ellie. So yes, your mother will be your mentor. And I know you'll make her proud, Sera. Here's my advice for you: do not underestimate any of the other Tributes. Any one of them can be a surprise. But above all, Sera… this will be a trying time. Stay true to yourself, no matter what happens."

Sera gave a weak smile and squeezed Mags' wrinkled hand. The kindly old woman was like a grandmother to her and Ellie, since Isabelle's mother had died before the girls had been born. "Thank you, Mags. I'll do my best, and I'll remember what you said."

A few of her friends came in after that and Sera struggled not to cry as they all hugged her tight and told her to come home quick. One even told her in a whisper to "show those Capitol idiots how things are done" but Sera had been quick to hush that. She didn't want to get into trouble before even getting on the train!

At last the good byes had all been said and Sera found herself standing on the train platform with Levi, her mother, and Finnick. She looked at the crowd of District Four people and her eyes sought so many faces - all the people she'd grown up with and known. Her determination suddenly fled from her. Her breath started coming in fast and she gripped the railing until her knuckles turned white.

Someone leaned into her and whispered, "Breathe." Turning around in surprise, Sera's eyes locked onto Levi's chocolate ones. He nodded to her and murmured under his breath again, "Breathe. Take a deep breath and focus on one person."

This was unusual. Levi wasn't the type to do that. He was the kind who liked to capitalize on one's weaknesses and then make fun of them. He was the one who pushed hard and when he felt ground giving way, he would double his efforts. Which, really, if one was training for the Hunger Games, it was a good strategy. The trouble was Levi always looked like he enjoyed it a bit too much. And that scared the shit out of Sera.

Deciding to heed his advice, Sera took a breath, and remembered how her mother had taught her. In through the nose and out through the mouth. She saw Ellie standing quite near the train, giving a brave smile. Sera smiled back and though she waved to the crowd along with Levi, her eyes never left Ellie. She stayed at that railing until she couldn't see District Four any more. The last thing she saw before being plunged into unfamiliar territory was the glistening ocean beyond, the light dancing on the crystal waves.

Seeing the others had already gone inside, Sera sighed as she reluctantly stepped inside the train. Her eyes grew large as she took in the compartment. It was fancy - _very _fancy. There were paneled walls that made the space look quite large. A table of some dark red wood. Comfortable seating. And doors down the hallway (there was a hallway!) where Sera assumed were the bedrooms. She spotted her mother sitting in a corner by herself and instantly sat next to her. "Mom?"

Isabelle turned to look at her daughter and slung an arm around her. "Seraphina… I know why you did what you did. I… I don't know if I can bear it."

"Mom, you sound like I've already lost," Sera said quietly. Didn't her mom think she could do this? Maybe she couldn't. Maybe…

"That's not what I meant. It's just that… you're my daughter. It would have been the same for Ellie. I know Mags could have gone in my place and she'd have done a wonderful job. But Sera, you are a precious and beautiful gift. I brought you into this world. If you… if you…" here her breath hitched. She couldn't say it. "I'm going to be there for you every step of the way. You will do well! You have to!"

Sera buried her face into her mother's arms. Her voice was muffled as she said, "I'm gonna try my very best, Mom! I promise. I promise. You're the best mentor and mom I could have."

A chuckle. "Oh, well that's because you've only ever had one. I'm afraid I am not a terribly good mother to you and Ellie. You end up taking care of me more than I do you."

Smiling back, Sera looked up into her mother's face. Sometimes that did feel true. Isabelle sometimes went off on "drunken sprees" and the girls would take care of the house and their mother. Thankfully Isabelle wasn't too hard to handle. She'd usually sit in her room all day quietly, drinking, and sometimes crying. Sera knew it was from the memories of her mom's Games that set them off. If she got inconsolable, then they went and got Mags. "It's okay, Mom. You do your best. We get through it all as a family." She paused and added, "By the way? I know you didn't have to be my mentor. But… I'm glad you're here. Not many other Tributes get that."

"Of course, Sera. I'm gonna make sure you fight your hardest. I'm gonna push you to do your best. You are my daughter. My family. I wouldn't give up this chance to be at your side every step of the way. I'd have driven myself mad had I stayed home. Mags is wonderful, and in every way a grandmother to you girls… but no. This… this I had to do myself," Isabelle told her as she untangled herself from Sera's embrace.

Giving another smile, Sera went to check out her room. It was luxurious and the bed extremely soft when she plunked down on it. The sheets were of some smooth material she couldn't place. The train kept moving, so there was a gentle rocking but she could tell it would be nice to sleep to the rhythm. It reminded her of the boats on the water. After exploring the room, Sera popped out to see where everyone else's room was. Besides it would be meal time soon and the mentors would likely talk to both tributes.

She found Leviathan sitting on a chair and looking out the window at the passing scenery. "Hey," she said uncertainly, remembering the moment outside, but uncertain of how he'd react to her now that they were "behind closed doors" as it were.

Levi cocked his head at her in interest, motioning to the seat beside him. "It's okay. I won't bite. Yet."

"Hah." Sera didn't feel comfortable enough to sit next to this boy so she sat in a chair across from him and glanced out at the scenery racing by. She studied Levi a moment, taking in his tall frame, the brown eyes and hair so common to their District, and the paleness of his skin. Somehow he had gained the gene of burning easily - not helpful in a District where one's life was spent outside on the docks or out to sea. Her own skin tanned easily so she hardly thought much of it. She brushed a finger over the bracelet once before saying, "Thanks, by the way. You know, at the departure."

Smiling, Levi shrugged. "Ah. Not a problem. Couldn't have you losing it in front of the whole District… or in front of Panem actually. We are _Tributes. _We stand strong."

"That I get, L- uh…" Sera paused in her words. Did he like Levi? She never knew. His parents called him Leviathan. "Um. What do you prefer I call you?"

Grinning, he replied readily, "Levi. Leviathan is a bit of a mouthful, is it not? And I'll be hearing it an awful lot over the next few days. Levi is just fine."

Sera pondered this Levi to the Levi she knew in training. They seemed very different. Which one was real? Ellie hated Levi with a passion, and Sera knew her sister didn't readily do that. She wasn't sure if it was because Levi _could_ beat her (though she'd won more times) or if it was something else more personal. "One question. Was it that obvious that I was losing it out there?"

He looked at her for a long moment before he quietly said, "No. I could just tell." He turned his gaze outside once again and shrugged. Sera took this cue that he was done talking and stood up to go. She hadn't gotten far when he said, "My little sister got panic attacks sometimes. I got to know when she was getting into one." He fell silent and let out a deep sigh.

Sera knew better than to hang around and left him alone with his thoughts. When she got to her room, she thought of her own sister and fingered the silver necklace around her neck. "Ellie, I'm gonna come home to you. I'm gonna try my absolute best. That is a promise. And above all, I'm gonna make you proud of me."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the very late update - Iife is crazy but I have so many plans for this story! Updates will be much more regular from now on. Enjoy!

_Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself_

_-Coco Chanel_

* * *

When the train arrived at the Capitol at last, Sera was at the window watching everything. Her mother had said how lush it was but Sera hadn't been prepared for the number of people she saw waiting at the station. And for the way they looked! Colours exploded on her vision no matter where she gazed. She knew they dressed strangely from what she had seen on the television at home, but seeing it in person was a different matter entirely. Some made her laugh with the ridiculousness of the costumes - a particular lady in a pink outfit, bright pink curly hair and yes! That was a long legged pink dog she had on a leash! Sera felt sorry for the dog; she liked it and it didn't deserve to be pink.

Levi had looked at the crowds and snorted. Evidently he was unimpressed but played the game by waving to the crowds as they stepped off to the platform. Sera was also able to get a first glance at the other tributes but no one was allowed to talk to each other. Instead they were ushered into a building that Sera didn't get to really look at.

Next thing she knew she was in a spacious apartment that was filled with colour and luxury. She stared around at it in wonder. Above the bed hung a framed picture of District 4's symbol. Somehow this made Sera feel better about it - here was home even when she wasn't home. Fingering Ellie's necklace for comfort, she moved around the room, familiarizing herself with the space. The bed was larger than anything she'd ever seen before and when she plopped on it, she nearly bounced back out again. Giggling, Sera bounced on the bed a few more times until she made her way to the window and stared out at the Capitol.

She had to say that the buildings themselves _did_ look beautiful. Seeing it on a screen at home didn't do it justice at all. A knock rang out from her door and she turned around to answer, "Come in."

A tall dark man with bright crimson hair entered and smiled at her. "Greetings Seraphina! I am Jax Steeltree, and I will be your stylist. Come with me. We'll get you all sorted out for the parade!"

Sera couldn't help but stare at the man. The crimson hair apparently wasn't enough but he was also wearing an emerald green suit that anyone could see miles away. However he seemed nice and she politely proffered her hand. "It is nice to meet you, Mr. Steeltree."

"Jax, call me Jax!" He enthusiastically shook her hand and motioned her out to the hallways. Sera followed him down and through corridors, trying to note places so she wouldn't get lost later. She found herself in a bright studio room with more stylists with even more outlandish outfits and hairstyles. They seemed cheerful - almost too cheerful, Sera thought. They giggled amongst themselves but welcomed her into their midst. Jax grinned the entire time and circled around her like a shark, eyeing Sera as if she were prey.

"Um… just so you know, I'm not thing special?" Sera tried to say without looking nervous. She wasn't sure if she actually pulled that off, but this was a bit creepy for her liking.

Jax laughed and waved her off. "You are special, Seraphina. Don't forget that. Everyone has something they're special at - if you haven't found it, you will. As long as you have a true heart, you are very special." He smiled and snapped his fingers. "I know exactly what I'll do with you. Just you wait, Jax will work his magic and you won't even recognize yourself afterwards.

_That's what I'm afraid of, _Sera thought with a grim smile. The rest of that "grooming" session she didn't like to remember afterwards. It was too embarrassing, and why did they seem hyperfocused on her body hair? It wasn't like people were going to see all that, would they? As long as the hair on her head looked fine, then that was all that mattered, didn't it? Apparently the stylists disagreed on that point and one of the women tittered, "Goodness gracious! Why are most tributes all like this? You don't want to look like a savage, do you? Every bit of your appearance counts!"

Resigning herself, Sera let them tug her and pull her and wax her (that shit hurt) and yank at her hair (actually they were gentle enough, but still felt strange) and whatever else they needed to do.

During the dressing up, Sera was told to close her eyes so it'd be a surprise. She hated doing that - she needed to see what was going on. She didn't fully trust these people, but they refused to do a thing with her eyes open. Once or twice she tried to peep through her eyelids but they had preempted any attempts of ruining their surprise by already having her face away from the mirror. It was terribly hard not to grumble but she managed to be polite and act like a doll for them to dress up.

Finally, _finally_ Jax whispered in Sera's ear, "Seraphina, you look absolutely _stunning_, my dear. Open your eyes and see."

She did and couldn't suppress the gasp of amazement. She looked so different, but yet it was her. And the outfit! It was a dress of deep blue, broken only by the wavy lines shimmering upon its silky surface, like the froth of waves along the shore. The ankle length fabric rippled as she moved, dancing in the light, drawing eyes into its mimicry of the ocean depths.

"It's beautiful," she murmured as she did a slow 360 to see all of herself in that mirror, wondering if it was possible for mirrors to lie. She particularly liked how they had done her hair half up with several starfish shaped clips. They'd even kept makeup to a minimum with none of the flash and colours of the Capitol - just enough to bring her eyes out and keep her complexion as natural as possible. "It's perfect, Jax and everyone! I love it! Thank you."

Her head stylist chuckled and said, "You were afraid we'd change you entirely, weren't you? No, I try not to do that. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and all I do is try to make you shine within your own self. And I always enjoy getting District Four - your people's sunkissed beauty soothes something inside of me somehow. I think I would like your District very much."

"Is that right?" Sera asked in surprise. It never occurred to her that someone from the Capitol would prefer being elsewhere - it was so rich and luxurious. The districts were definitely not that.

Nodding, Jax replied, "Yes. I love making fashions and such. But you know, sometimes, I'd like a simpler lifestyle. Just being able to sit by the beach sounds amazing."

"I do like doing that, you're right," Sera said slowly. It was an interesting thought knowing this about Jax. It also helped push away the sudden pang of homesickness away as she thought of riding in the boat with Ellie. Desperately, she hoped she'd be able to do that again. But now wasn't the time to think of these things. She must face the parade and all the Capitol people waving at them. And she must appear happy to be there and stand there with Levi.

Wondering what Levi was wearing, Sera followed Jax down to where the chariots were gathered. It was nearly time for the parade! Her nerves were jangling but Jax reassured her, "All you have to do is stand there and wave and smile. That's it!"

Glancing around, Sera saw her mother to her relief. Her mom looked her over and nodded in approval and pride. "You look absolutely beautiful, honey. And this is the easy part!"

Sera watched the horses being hitched up the chariot. Venturing a question, she asked, "Um, so you're sure the horses know where they're going? There's not a… secret steering thing they don't tell people about?"

Isabelle smiled and gave Sera a hug. "I asked the same thing when I had my turn! They really do know where they're going. They practice a lot apparently so they know just where to go and stop. You're perfectly safe. I promise. They are very well trained."

The white horses hitched up to Four's carriage were beautiful. She'd never been so close to such large land animals before, but they did seem calm enough in the hubbub going on. Now was her chance to look around at the other tributes. District Twelve had black horses as usual and the tributes wore something black and shiny - the mining district. District Two was masonry and Sera admired their perfect dark grey horses. District One had bright golden horses with pure white manes and tails. All the tributes looked so different from when they'd walked off the train but she had to admit the stylists this year seemed pretty good.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder and Sera spun to see Levi smirking at her. "You ready to stop gawking and get on this chariot?"

She took a look at him from head to toe and was approving. He had a light blue outfit that brought out the tanned skin and made him look quite handsome if she admitted it. "Yeah, let's do this," was all she said.

The white horses stomped as they waited their turn. Instinctively Sera grabbed the side of the chariot, half expecting them to take off. Looking behind her, she watched the other tributes mounting their chariots and noticed Ten's male tribute pat the brown horses before getting in. This surprised her - she never thought about doing that. They were scary anyways. Before she could form another thought, the groom let go of the white pair and away down the aisle they trotted.

Sera found it was in fact easy to balance, not finding it more difficult than a bucking boat under her feet. She let go of the sides and watched the crowds pointing and cheering. So many strange styles! So many oddities and weirdness that to her bordered on monstrous. The white horses proved they did know where they were going and trotted with a quick but even pace, ears pricked to the end where President Snow would be waiting to give the tributes his address.

From above her she could hear Caesar's ringing voice, announcing the various pairs but she didn't pay much attention to it. Levi nudged her once and gave a sly wink and a look that said "do something". Immediately Sera raised her hand to wave to the crowd and the cheers that erupted nearly deafened her. Gritting her teeth but pasting a smile on her face, Sera kept waving dutifully.

At last the horses trotted to their spot and stopped, swishing their tails calmly. Sera looked up at the stands where the President of Panem sat with his officials. This was a dangerous man, she knew. Her mother had warned her not to piss him off, but everyone knew that. It was the tone of Isabelle's voice that had scared her. Something, she knew, had happened in her mother's Games that no one talked about. Or something had happened afterwards.

Already Sera couldn't wait to go back to her room at home and have peace and quiet. These Capitol people were overwhelming. Too bright. Too colourful. Too fake. Their food too rich, though delicious. And here everyone wanted only one thing: to watch a bunch of children tributes fight to their deaths and crown one a winner and give him or her glory for that achievement. They called it "fun". "Entertainment". Sera tried to push all these thoughts away and focus on what President Snow would be saying. Caesar finally stopped talking and the stands fell silent as they waited.

Snow stood up and gazed upon the crowds. He looked at each tribute in turn and Sera felt as if he would pierce her through with those eyes of his and find out all her secrets. He finished his inspection and spoke.

"Welcome to the 68th Hunger Games…"


	4. Chapter 4

_We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our paths for a reason._

_-Unknown_

* * *

Sera wasn't sure what woke her up and wished she could just fall back asleep again. Her bed was soft - but not too soft - and the sheets were smooth and silky. She'd never been so comfortable in her life. Now if only her brain would stop reviewing the events of yesterday after she had been sleeping so soundly! Tomorrow would be the first day of training, and she needed to be well rested for that. She groaned and sat up. Maybe a glass of water would be nice. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Sera stretched before getting up at last.

After a water and bathroom stop, Sera decided she wasn't exactly tired or ready to go back to bed yet, so she slipped out of her bedroom and into the actual apartment. Noticing that the Capitol's city life was still going on, Sera wondered how they were still up when it was still pretty late into the evening. The Capitol lights shone brilliantly and Sera thought how it really was beautiful, but at the same time, it was so deadly.

"The Capitol. It is everything I learned about and what I aimed for all my life. It is more stunning in person than on the screens. It also holds the Hungers games which makes it a deadly beauty," a soft male voice whispered.

Sera gasped in surprise and spun to face Levi. She hadn't seen him sitting in the chair in the dark. "What are you doing up? Can't sleep either?"

He shrugged as he said, "Nah, not really. But I always had trouble at home too. Doesn't really matter. I'm going to bed in a minute anyways." He walked up beside her and studied the city in front of him and continued, "Just like the Games themselves. They bring together all of the districts, make an huge event out of it, and fucking celebrate it. Beautiful but deadly."

Before he could leave, she asked him quietly, "What is your reason for training so hard for the Games?"

For a long time, there was nothing but silence when he spoke soft enough that she had a hard time hearing, "It was the only way to get my parents to notice me after what happened." With that answer, he walked away and left her alone once again.

When she looked out the window again, Sera wasn't really seeing anything. She thought about what she had said to him and his answer to her. Levi was right when he had told her that she understood better than most. She had no clue what her mom's reason to volunteer but whatever it was still haunted her mother to this day. Ellie trained for two main reasons. First, she loved it - the rush of fighting, the risk of it, the feeling of power it gave her whenever she won against someone stronger. And if she lost, Ellie's determination drove at her to improve herself more and took in the lessons learned. Her other reason was that her sister just plain hated living in Isabelle's shadow. She needed to prove to everyone that she was her own person. Not being defined or held up in praise by their mother.

Sera groaned and rested her head against the window. These thoughts were all leading back to the one thing she really didn't want to think about right now: home. Suddenly she heard a noise coming from the hallway. Perking up, she eagerly took this opportunity to get away from these glum thoughts and went to investigate. She opened the door, made sure it wasn't locked so that she could get back in, and slipped out into the hallway. To her surprise, there was a boy around her age on her floor. He wasn't supposed to be on their floor, which meant that he was trying to go somewhere. Sera had no idea what made her walk up behind him, tap his shoulder, and say quietly, "You're not supposed to be on my floor. We aren't even supposed to be out of our apartments. What are you doing exactly?"

The boy jumped at her voice, spun around, and pushed Sera to the wall, hand on her throat. When he took a better look, he cocked his head, "Oh. It's just you. Seraphina, isn't it?"

Narrowing her eyes at him, Sera stomped on his foot hard, grabbed his wrist in hand and twisted it slightly. She slammed her other hand over his mouth to keep him from making any noise. Hissing at him with slight annoyance, "Sera, actually. Who are you? How do you know my name? And what exactly are you doing out here on my floor?"

The boy raised an eyebrow and gently took her hand off his mouth. He whispered snarkily, "Questions, questions. Well, if you want answers, come with me. I was going to take a walk. Let's not get caught here if we can help it."

Pausing, Sera hesitated. She could get into trouble too, but she was curious. He seemed to know where to go somehow. At last she decided she'd do it - when would she have some fun after this? "You're right. My mom would kill me if I got caught out here on the first night."

He nodded and led her down to the training area, ducking out of the way of adults roaming around. Putting a finger to his lips he waited by a solid door. Checking around carefully, he punched in a code then opened it. They stepped outside and he grabbed her hand to run to the next building. When they got inside, the hay sweet smell of horses hit their noses. He smiled and talked in a normal tone, "There now. We're safe. For now."

Sera looked around her in interest. The floor was cold on her bare feet and the smell wasn't something she liked, but the horses were beautiful. She stared at them with slight nervousness and awe. Deciding to focus on the boy, Sera crossed her arms and huffed out, "It's time for you to answer my questions. Who are you? What were you doing on my floor? And why did you want to come here of all places?"

Ignoring her for the moment, the boy grinned and patted a chestnut horse. "Dante! How are you, boy?" He moved to the next horse and scratched its neck. It twisted its neck in pleasure and stuck the bottom lip out. "And you still love this, Pearl. Don't you Pearl, my girl?" Finally he turned to Sera and said, "Okay, first off, I'm Xander Larose. District 10. And I wanted to come here and see the horses again. I just poked the wrong damn button and accidentally got off on the wrong floor."

Sera studied the District 10 tribute and cocked her head curiously. " Still, how did you know who I was? There's twenty-three other tributes..."

Xander snickered, "My dear, I pay attention. I know who the other tributes are and I'm quite surprised you don't. Do you have a thing for that big lump of a Levi?"

"Ew no." Sera said in disgust, though she was surprised by his observation though. That could be a very dangerous thing for her. Cautiously, she told him, "I don't even like the guy. He is… surprising though. And one of the best of the best back in District 4. You are very observant. I wasn't expecting that from the looks of you."

He laughed and gestured at the horses. "That comes from them. My granddad raises horses. My dad trains them. The horses for the parades come from them. We have to pick just the right temperament and train them for here. Something easy to handle, not distracted by crowds, and showy. Pearl here was one of my favourites. I foaled her myself."

Sera cocked her head at him. She frowned slightly. This was **not **good. If he had helped raise and train horses all of his life meant that not only was he observant, but he was also strong, had excellent instincts, and was very aware of his surroundings. He also seemed to know how to read body language. Sera decided to do something Ellie would do. She would use him to gather information on him and the other tributes. Focusing back on the horse, she asked confused, "Foaled? What does that mean? We have nothing like this on District 4."

Xander gave Pearl another pat and scratch before going to one of the white horses Sera had ridden behind. He patted this one and replied, "That means I helped when she was born. She was stuck inside her mother, one leg back and couldn't get out. I had to reach in - my arm was small enough for the space - and pull it out again. I saved her life, and her mother's too. She was such a pretty foal… or baby horse to you."

Staring at Pearl, she said softly, "That is both gross and heart warming at the same time." She watched him move from horse to horse for a bit before asking, "Do you plan on winning the Games?"

Xander laughed and asked back, "Don't you? I ain't scared. I just hate dealing with all these fancy schmancy people. Just let me have a weapon and one other opponent and there's a fight for me. But anyway, I much prefer these pretties to _those_ people who are nothing more than jackasses."

Sera was defensive with her answer. "I plan on winning no matter the cost to me. I have to...I made a promise. I never go back on my promises. By these jackassess… do you mean the Careers, the Victors, or the Capitol people?"

Xander gave a look of disgust, "The Capitol people of course. Though the Careers aren't much better. But in all my life I have never seen or understood all this frivolity. They wouldn't know the back end of a horse from its front even if they had their heads stuck in its rear."

Sera stared at him with eyes blazing. She felt defensive of what he said because her mother had been a Career. Her sister had planned on doing the same thing had she gone to the Games. She growled at him and snapped, "Maybe the Capitol people don't know any better. It was the way they were raised to be. As for the Careers, some of them have more personal reasons that you would **never **understand for becoming one. Don't judge them based on what you and everyone else thinks of them."

He looked at her and mockingly said, "Oooh! Raw nerve there? Right… dear mom was a Victor yeah? Something us poor lackeys from Ten should aspire to? Nevermind Sera. We're all pawns in their stupid chess game. A game someone as pretty as you shouldn't be in. Ah what the hell. They want a show? We'll give them their damn show."

Pure anger surged through her. It wasn't often someone could push her buttons like this. It seemed that Xander could though and that pissed her off more than she thought possible. Storming up to him, she shoved him backwards and shoved a finger into his chest. Her voice came out deadly calm, "Being a victor...isn't all that it's made up to be. I never wanted to be here. I wanted nothing to do with _this_. Why I'm here or why I aim to win… that isn't any of your business. I have an idea of the game we're all in but I have no plans on playing by the rules. The only thing that **matters **to me is my family."

Xander only laughed and said, "Well good. I don't play by the rules either. Otherwise I wouldn't be out here, yeah? Or got a code to get out the door, right? And if you think you can push me around, got news for you. I'm used to handling thousand pound animals. Think I can take you."

Her eyes flashed, but she stepped away. She may be pissed at him but she wasn't stupid. She knew that she couldn't take him, but there was another reason why, which she pointed out to him with her arms crossed. Tributes aren't supposed to harm or fight one another until the arena. It's against the rules."

Xander shrugged. "I'm not fighting you. I just really wanted to see these guys again. I'm happy to see that they all remember me. But you're right. I should get the princess back to her castle for her beauty sleep. Not that you need much of that."

She glared at him and hissed, "I am not a princess just because my mother is a Victor. And did you just insult me?"

"Nope, Princess. You don't need much beauty sleep because you're already pretty," He chuckled. "You ready to go?"

Sera blushed at his compliment and she gave him another glare before saying softly, "Yes. The farther away from you I get, I the happier I'll be. You push all my buttons."

He gave a grin and a wink. "That's what my grandmother says. Something about me being incorrigible… and needing a mother's touch or some such nonsense." He turned to give Pearl one more scratch and a kiss on the nose before heading to the door.

Sera glanced again at the horses before following Xander. They took the same route as they had getting down, which took some time, but Sera was relieved to be back on her floor. She was about to get out of the elevator before stopping. She hesitated before saying softly and quickly, "Good luck with the training that starts today."

Xander glanced at her and gave a showy bow. "Yeah, and you too, Princess." He flashed a grin before the doors closed again.

Sera scowled at the closed doors before hurrying to her apartment. Slipping in quietly, she shut the door and locked it. Making sure that no one was around, Sera glanced out the window and estimated that she had at least three more hours of sleep left. Going back to her room, she smiled, relieved to be able to snuggle under the comfortable sheets again. She was sleepy after all - the time out in the barn had done her good. And Xander? Well, he was interesting. She wondered briefly what the day would bring. She fell asleep dreaming of ocean waves lulling her to an ocean of stars.


	5. Chapter 5

_Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen._

_-Winston Churchill_

* * *

Sera groaned as the knocking persistently increased in volume. She didn't want to get up when she had just gotten back to sleep. She was about to burrow her face back into the bed when the door swung open. Her mother came to the bed and shook Sera's shoulder. "Come on, get up. We have lots to do, so get ready and be down at the table. We'll go over what's happening for mentors and training."

Huffing in annoyance, Sera got ready, dressing quickly in something she could train in. Walking out to the kitchen table, Sera looked around curiously. Her mother and Finnick weren't there, but everyone else was, including Jax and the rest of her team. The women were talking up a storm to anyone that was listening. Levi looked up briefly and gave her a nod.

Nodding back Sera sat down beside her mom's empty place and piled her plate with whole wheat bread, cereal with fruit, a muffin, and she made a sandwich out of eggs, cheese, and bacon, and poured a glass of orange juice. She eyed it warily and sighed. She normally didn't eat this much for breakfast… or at all really... but she remembered Isabelle saying to someone that she ate a lot of carbs and gained some weight to tide her over through her Games. She was so stuffed and decided to save the muffin for later when the mentors walked in.

They waited until everyone was finished before her mom spoke up first. Isabelle took a deep breath and said, "I know I've been advised at home and here not to mentor my daughter because I'd be too close for this one. But I want to be. I have my reasons, and some very personal. Even if…" she trailed off for a moment before recovering. "I want to say that I did my very best. I've raised my two daughters as best I could. And now I want to be certain I did _everything possible_. And of course I will mentor Leviathan fairly, so you don't have to worry about that. I just wanted to state that I am making it all fair. Sera will be treated equally. But you all deserved to know where I stood with it."

Finnick crossed his arms and looked at Sera and Levi. "You can both decide if you want to train together or use us mentors separately. The choice is up to both of you."

Sera looked at her mother, who seemed exhausted, and their eyes met. Even though she knew it must be terribly hard for her mother to do this, she was ever so grateful for it. Isabelle really was trying so hard. She was always driving her and Ellie in training so much and to see this… softer side… in this setting, well, it was strange but nice somehow. Quickly she decided "Separate. I'll go with M… Isabelle for the first bit. Then Finnick after." To her relief, Levi agree and didn't put up a fuss at all.

Jax looked excited and cheerily said, "Great, it is officially time for your training! Before we go do any of you mentors have words for both your tributes?"

Having composed herself, Isabelle spoke first and looked at them in the eyes. "Don't get close to anyone. Stay away from the other tributes - no shit talking, no arguments. Keep your eyes open for weakness."

Finnick sternly said, "Keep your abilities to yourself. Don't show off and go to the survival stations. Most of the other tributes won't and they can and will save your life. And try to get in with Careers. It'll make your life a lot easier."

With that, the mentors and tributes left to go the training centre. When they got there, Sera stared around. She was used to having a training centre since District Four wasn't exactly poor. This one though was filled with all kinds of stations and Sera almost didn't know what to look at first. There was a knot tying station but Sera wouldn't need that - every District Four kid could tie a variety of knots from the time they were able to walk about. The survival stations that could definitely be helpful were the fire building one and the edible plants one. No one in her district - or in any of the others - were allowed out of their district into the forest, so she knew she was lacking in this area. The camouflage one looked interesting as well; she'd have to check it out.

Weapons? For now she'd stay away from that, though. She did see that experts were stationed at each station to instruct and serve as training partners to the tributes, and as she had mentioned to Xander last night, they were forbidden to fight each other before the Games began. A movement up high caught her attention and Sera looked up to see a window high up that held all of the mentors watching over them.

When Sera got a tap on her shoulder she turned to look at Levi curiously, expecting he'd suggest something for them to work on. Instead, he gave her a grin and whispered in her ear, "You gonna show up that sister of yours? I don't know if you think you're better than she is, but you're not. You might have the knowledge but I doubt you have the actions. But let's not forget that we're better than most of the rest here since we're privileged. Got that?"

Sera narrowed her eyes and tried to not let her anger control her. So he was already going to turn on her, was he? She wasn't going to rise to his bait. In a way, she was relieved - this was the Levi she was used to seeing, which she could handle providing she didn't lose her head. So all Sera did was give him a level look and walk away. She could hear him laugh at her, but she ignored it. Looking around, she decided to start with the edible plants and foods. The instructor was more than happy to tell her all about it, and pleased when she caught on quickly, and soon she was left to herself. That is, until a very familiar and annoying voice spoke from behind her.

"Hey Princess. Decided to get down to our level in the mud, did you?"

Not even bothering to look, Sera replied, "I like the mud if you must know. You can make a lot of different things out of it. And I do believe I told you not to judge people, least of all me." Her eyes flickered to where their mentors were watching them all. She was behaving, wasn't she?

Xander glanced up at the window and laughed. "Always eyes on us. Gets annoying. My mentor is an ass... I much prefer doing things my way. And I watch the others. One learns plenty that way."

Sera looked at him at that and took in his appearance more closely. He was taller than her by a couple of inches, had strawberry blonde hair with striking blue eyes, and a dark tan. After a moment she finally gave a small huff and told him bluntly, "Yeah? Then by now you should know that I don't want you near me. I'm not going to get attached to anyone or form any alliances. I can't afford it."

Xander eyed her and shrugged. "Lone wolf? Yeah, I hear ya. Me too." He studied some of the other tributes and jerked his head towards one. "See that boy there? District 9… name's Ben I think. Or is it Brent? Whatever. See him practice wrestling? I can see his weakness from here. Watch closely. See how he steps out more with his right leg than his left?"

Sera glanced at Xander before studying the boy. "Yes, I do see that. What of it?"

Grinning, Xander said, "That's going to be his downfall. Moving like that is a habit. Must have broken his leg before and never quite got over protecting that side. Classic moves. Easy kill."

Sera studied the boy before turning back to Xander. He confused her. "Why did you tell me that? What makes you think I need your help?"

"You don't. You're a Career, aren't you? Maybe I just like to hear myself talk. Maybe I'm just bored with the whole charade. I don't care what happens. Just as long as I get some fun out of it." Xander had a lazy attitude by the end of that.

Sera burst out laughing. Her, a Career? Oh he had that so wrong, and it stuck her as funny. Seeing Levi out of the corner of her eye, she glanced his way but he had and unreadable expression. Then she checked the mentors window and winced. Finnick didn't look happy with her considering what his advice had been. And her mother! Isabella looked absolutely disapproving of her talking to him. Oops. She quickly tore her eyes away from mom and back to Xander. She told him before she left for another station, "I'm not a lone wolf. There is only one person I trust with my life and she isn't here."

Xander flashed a grin and looked at the mentors. He stared down the ones he knew were with Sera and deliberately raised a hand to them with only the middle finger up. He snorted and turned away, saying quietly to Sera, "Fuck this whole thing. Go be a pawn if you wish." He stalked off to a station opposite hers and occupied himself.

Sera frowned at him but spent the rest of the day training, other than stopping for lunch, until the end of the day. When she was let to go back to her room, she ignored everyone, ate a hearty meal of pasta and salad, thenheaded straight to her room to sleep. When she woke up, she took a shower to wash herself of all the dirt and grim. She had just gotten out of the washroom and startled to find Finnick in her room with his arms crossed.

Finnick said in a dead calm voice, "What was the first thing I told you both not to do today?"

Mumbling she replied, "Not to talk to any of the other tributes and to try and get in with the Careers."

"Yes, which you did the exact opposite of to both!" Finnick said with a bit of bite in his words.

Sera scowled at him, but stayed calm and explained, "Why are you even mad with me over this? We both know that I'm not Career material. That's Ellie's department and mom's. Not mine. And just so you know,, I didn't start that conversation. He did. I told him to leave but he didn't."

Finnick stepped towards her and grabbed her arm. His voice didn't rise but she could tell he was beyond pissed. Gripping her arm a bit tightly, he told her, "I'm trying to make sure you make it out alive! That you make it back to Ellie and your mom! That's why I'm pissed because you aren't making this easy for me, Sera. You need to get in with the Careers. You'll get more sponsors like that."

Now Sera could feel her own anger rising and she snapped, "I'm not joining the Careers! I have no interest in them or their cruelty. I'll do everything else you say but that."

Finnick stared at her for a long moment before letting her arm go. He stepped away and told her quietly, "If you don't follow the rules then people get hurt. Those closest to you will get hurt. You'll already have a hard time because of who you're related to, what you did, and what Isabelle did to piss Snow off. He's going to be after you in that arena, Sera. Just think about everything else before you go and dismiss something from your mentor." He didn't wait for her to respond and just left her to her thoughts.

* * *

Sera sank down against the wall of the training centre's lunch room. It was the next day and they were having their lunch break. To say that she was exhausted would be a lie. She was beyond exhausted. She hadn't slept the night before with everything playing in her head. Ellie's parting words and the promise. Levi. Finnick's parting words to her last night.

But most of all, Xander's words about being a pawn in a game.

She knew that there was something bigger going on, but she was pretty sure it wasn't something she wanted to be part of. She had a strange feeling that her mom, Finnick, Mags, and some of the other victors were all part of it, whatever "it" was. The question was did she want to follow the rules and be a pawn or buck against the rules and maybe get Ellie hurt in some way? After thinking about, she decided the best plan was to follow the rules until she had more information on what the hell was going on.

At least this time Sera had done what Finnick had asked and kept to herself and stayed away from Xander. However she still absolutely refused to join the Careers. If she was going to win, then she would keep her morals and not cross that line. Thinking of Xander, she had been oddly… disappointed?... when she hadn't heard that stupid nickname of hers. Snorting to herself, Sera put it down to the lack of sleep she got that made her actually miss him.

She finished her food and had her eyes shut when she heard the chair beside her move, someone sit down, and start talking to her. Opening her eyes, she found Xander opposite of her. Well, dammit. What was the saying she heard, "Speak of the devil and he will appear." It seemed that she only had to think of him for him to appear. Lucky her.

Xander cocked his head at her and smiled, not saying anything, getting a good look in daylight apparently. Then he brushed back a loose strand of her hair and said, "I like your hair. Anyways, did you get in trouble for 'associating' with me? You know… lone rebel and all?"

Sera looked at him slightly surprised but didn't move away from his touch. Instead, she said, "You're a very strange guy. And I know a lot of strange guys back home. For your information, no. I got in trouble because I didn't do as Finnick told me to."

"Ah I see!" Xander leaned back and thought. He ran his hand through his hair then said, "Bucking the rules already? Fair enough. My mentor doesn't bother much with me. He knows he can't change me. And Daisy needs his help more than me. I bet you anything she'll be done in the first round though."

Sera sat up at that and said quietly, "I wasn't bucking the rules. It was more like… I didn't agree with one part of what he wants. I do trust him and my mom to help me to the best of their abilities. It seems like you're not giving your district partner enough credit."

He wrinkled his nose and shrugged. "Daisy is twelve. She can ride a horse, but not a lot else. But what can we do? Maybe she'll surprise us all anyway." He hesitated briefly before asking, "So… what's your mother like? When she's not here anyway? At home I meant."

Sera gave him a confused look and asked curiously, "Why do you want to know what she's like? Surely you know of her and her personality from tv anyways?"

"Curiosity. Just wanted to know if you're like her or not. She's a bit of a… well I won't insult you. Doesn't really matter. Have had older females try to rein me in and the only one who can do it is my grandmother."

"Oh." Her voice was soft as she answered. "Mom is a lot different than she is here, but I'm not really like her - that's my sister. Ellie's a year older than me; she's eighteen. As for my mom, she can sometimes be a bit… overprotective which can get annoying but I know she's just trying to keep us safe. And after all, she also has this soft side that she only shows Ellie and I. She comforts us when we need it. She's not perfect mom but who is, really? She does her best as a single mom and I know it can't be an easy job. I love her and have a lot of respect for her. I mean, who could raise a baby right after becoming a Victor and having to deal with all those issues? Then again the following year? It couldn't have been easy at all."

Xander's blue eyes seemed even bluer when he listened. Finally he said almost dismissively, "Huh. Guess not. Not my area of expertise. Seeing as I ain't got a mom. My dad raised me along with his horses and I much prefer them to people anyhow. A horse can't lie. They'll tell you flat out to your face if they don't like you. And they always have a reason for what they do."

Instinctively, Sera reached out and placed her hand on top of his. She looked up at him and said softly, "I don't know what it's like having a father. It's always just been Ellie, mom, and I. Mags helped mom raise us. So I guess you can say that she's an honorary grandmother to us. I prefer the ocean over people."

Xander looked down at Sera's hand on his then looked up again at her and locked eyes and gave an easy grin. "You'd have liked it in 10 then. We deal with animals, and hate, well, bullshitting each other. We take each other for the most part honestly. See… this is why I rub people here the wrong way. I don't kiss ass, and I don't play games. I tell them what they are to their faces."

Slipping her hand out of his, Sera warned him, "I'll tell you this from experience of growing up surrounded by Victors. They put on masks for a reason or they do what you do and say it honestly. One way makes sure you live a sort of normal live. The other makes you like my mom. Hard and tough because they were honest and punished for it. Sometimes it's better to just be the first one."

Xander grimaced and told her, "Yeah sure. That's what everyone says. Just be good little slaves and nothing will happen." He got up to leave and said very quietly, "Just watch out. Not for me… but _them. _I'll say this one thing now. Out in 10, we hear things. As in there are more districts than twelve." With that, he sauntered away.

Sera could only stare at him as he walked away. What did he mean by that there was more districts than twelve? Shaking her head, she pushed that piece of information away for later and stood up herself. It was time to get back to the stupid training.


	6. Chapter 6

_If you fell down yesterday, stand up today._

_-H.G. Wells_

* * *

Today was the last day of training and Sera had stayed and hadn't gone near the weapons. Though it had been so tempting to practice just the once. Those weapons were far better than anything she'd ever seen in her life and she itched to just run her hand over some of the blades. But Sera didn't give into the temptations and instead visited the rest of the stations to review as much as she could. Having done that, she wasn't sure what to do with the rest of her time.

Glancing up, she looked up at the mentor window and saw her mom talking quietly to the District 11 and 12 mentors and sighed. She had gotten back to the room after training yesterday and had been tempted to ask her mom about this supposed other district, but something told her not to do or say anything about here in the Capitol.

Sera was pulled out of her thoughts by Levi's voice and scowled when she realized that he was in front of her with the other Careers behind him. "What do you want Levi?"

He gave her a smirk and an offer. "We want you to join the Careers. You're not good like Ellie, but you'll do for this time. Besides, don't you want to follow in your mom's footsteps or are you too chicken?"

Narrowing her eyes, Sera flicked her gaze to the mentor box again. Her mother was watching them both now. Turning to Levi and the rest, she denied him by channeling her inner Ellie and said, "No. I have my morals. Doing what you guys do… isn't part of them." Sera knew instantly she pissed them all off. Instinctively she went into a defensive stance and eyed the others carefully since they had moved closer. To her surprise, Levi grabbed her wrist, but she was determined not to show it. Instead she glared at him and said, "Let go of me. I have no wish to join you guys."

A voice sounded from behind. "Get your hands off her or I'll call down the authorities on you. Levi, I'd tell you to fuck off, but I think you'd be quite disappointed."

_Oh no._ Sera craned her head around and saw Xander behind her. She wasn't sure if she felt relieved or pissed that he was here. One one hand, he was helping her out. On the other, he was making things worse. Another glance to the mentor box showed her that all of the mentors were watching what was happening… and so were the Peacekeepers. Sera knew that she had to end this now before it got out of hand. Xander looked ready to fight and she knew Levi would not say no to the challenge.

"Levi." When the older boy had his eyes back on her, she said, "Do you really want to start something here? Or wouldn't you rather wait until we're back in our apartment? Or better yet, in the arena?"

That made him look around at the watching Peacekeepers and he glanced up at the mentor box and snorted. Letting her go, he smirked and said, "We'll finish it later. I'll get you to change your mind." He walked past her, knocking into her shoulder hard, with the others following saying nasty comments.

"Half the time he's someone I hate. The other half he's different that I start to think differently. Stupid of me," she muttered to herself as she rubbed her wrist.

Xander glared after Levi. He glanced at Sera and snorted, "If he's gonna be two-faced, he should make at least one of them pretty. Too bad for him that he just doesn't have it."

"He's one of the more popular ones back in Four. Though my sister _has_ beaten him a few times. And girls just love him," Sera told him with a small smile as she glanced one last time at the mentor box.

"Well, there's no accounting for poor taste. I'll tell you… the guys who have the biggest egos have got the smallest pricks." He laughed and moved away, saying quietly, "I'm going for a walk tonight. Same time. If you wanna join be my guest." Then he left and didn't look back.

The rest of the day went by in a blur and to say in the least, both Sera and Levi got laid into by all of them pretty badly for that scene. Sera took it with a grain of salt and caused another fight, but this time between her and Levi. It ended with her storming off and spending the rest of the night in her room.

She didn't sleep. At last giving up on the nice idea of sleeping, she rolled over and noticed the time. Xander's offer popped into her head and she wondered if she should take it. She wasn't supposed to be associating with other tributes after all! But this wasn't the training grounds. This was different. Ugh. Fuck it. Sera got up and sneaked out at the last moment, hoping that Xander was still there. She made it to the hallway and looked around when she didn't see him. Cursing to herself, she turned to head back into the apartment.

"I wasn't going to make it _that_ easy, Princess." A voice came from a dark corner. Xander stepped out from the shadows and smirked at her.

Sera jumped a bit and gave him a glare. "Stop calling me princess! I have an actual name so use it."

He grinned and clicked the button for the elevator, pondering, "Princess Seraphina. Yeah that has a good ring to it, though it's rather cumbersome to say."

"You're an ass. I don't even know why I came out here for," she hissed lightly.

He shook his head and whispered on the ride down, "Because I'm irresistible." Before she could answer, the doors opened, and Xander once again led the way to the stables. They had one close call where he had to shove her in a corner, faces inches away from each other, until the Peacekeeper passed by, but they made it to the barns.

Sera stood in the aisle and eyed the horses warily before asking, "Why did you tell me you were coming down here again?'

He glanced at her while petting Pearl. "Because I like you. You're not like the others. You're quite refreshing."

She hadn't been expecting him to be this blunt. Sera stared at him in surprise and felt her face go warm. "Oh. Thank you, I guess. You're not so bad yourself."

"I guess not, if you decided to come with me. Or perhaps you like these beauties better. Doesn't matter. You won't offend me in the least if you do. I wish Dad could see them now. He'd be proud of them."

Sera moved a bit closer, but still wary of the horses. "They are beautiful. They make me nervous. This is only my second time being so close to them, other than riding behind them in the parade," she admitted.

He gently smiled and agreed, "They are very nice. We trained them to be easy to handle." He moved to another stall and whistled at the horse who was eating at the back of the stall. The bay whipped around and thrust its head out at him happily. It had a bunch of hay in its mouth and shook it all over Xander. He sighed and shook his head fondly. "Great, now I have it down my shirt. I'm going to have to take it off and shake it out. Thanks _so_ much, Kelso."

He pulled off his shirt and turned away from Sera, shaking it hard. She had a glimpse of his muscled abdomen before he turned his back. Looking more closely, she saw it was lined with scars.

Sera felt her feet move without realizing it until she was behind him. Gently, she traced her fingers over the scars and asked softly, "What happened to you?"

Without turning around, he answered quietly, "My district has hardass Peacekeepers. They don't like me mouthing off to them. I've been chained to the whipping post three times now."

Horror filled her and she asked, "Why keep doing it? There's no point. Nothing will change. No one will be willing to stand up to Snow and his ways. No matter how much we all want to."

Xander sighed and turned, not bothering with his shirt. He had a hard look in his eye. "Because there is always hope, Sera. I just get pissed off at what they do and how slow things are moving. But they are. I don't care if they whip me to death. They can't quench the fire inside."

Sera shook her head and said, "There isn't any hope. Everyone just does what they have to do. No one will be willing to stand up to Snow and lose everything. It's hopeless. We're all going to die in two days. I made a promise I can't hope to keep. I know it. My mom knows it. She told me so on our first night here. My sister thinks the opposite. She thinks I can do it...but I don't see how. I'm nothing compared to her."

He had a scowl on his face and nearly snapped, "Keep thinking you're nothing, and you'll prove yourself right. That's how you die fast. And you're wrong. There is hope. I hear of it. But it's a small flicker right now. I had hoped to be around when it was fanned into a burning flame. All I can hope for is whoever wins will have that hope burning inside him or her."

Sera smiled bitterly and pressed her hand over his heart. His skin was warm underneath her hand. "I wish I could feel the hope that you feel. But I feel nothing but fear and despair."

Xander cocked his head at her and told Sera, "I'll tell you what my dad said about fear. It can stand for two things. Fuck everything and run. Or face everything and rise." He gave a wry grin, "I do the second… but I also curse them too. Hence my decorations. So there's that."

Looking up at him, Sera thought of his words. She was terrified about what was going to happen. Sera just wished she was back in her district and could just forget about everything that was happening. She wanted to forget about Snow, her family problems, the Games, and everything else. So she did it in the only way she knew how. She stood up on her tip toes and kissed him.

Xander was surprised for one second, then the next he was kissing her back. He gently put his hands on her arms and held them. Her hand that was over his heart could feel the sudden jump in heartbeat. He kissed gently then passionately before he finally pulled back and watched Sera.

Sera tried to get her breathing under control. Finally, she asked, "Why did you stop? Didn't you enjoy it?"

He smiled. "I did. But it seems you've caught me with my shirt off. Do you want to see more? Or if this is too fast… we can sneak out tomorrow night?"

"I'm not a virgin if that's what you're worried about. I've had sex before. I wouldn't have started something if I didn't have any plans on finishing," she told him with a smirk of her own.

Xander grinned and carefully pulled Sera's shirt off, watching her to say no. She didn't, so he said, "I'm not worried. It's been quite a while since I was a virgin. So I know perfectly well how things work. So… what do you prefer? Empty stall or feed room?"

"Whichever is closest."

"Good." Xander led Sera to a stall and thoughtfully spread a horse blanket down on the floor over the straw. He kissed her again and pulled her down to the blanket, but before he did anything, Xander asked in a voice thick with lust, "Do I have your permission to make love to you, Sera?"

Sera nodded. "Yes. Just make me forget everything for a little while. That's all I ask."

Xander whispered in Sera's ear as he rolled on top of her, "Your wish is my command, Princess." He kissed her neck and heard her groan in pleasure. Feeling encouraged, he made love passionately, feeling her hips in time with his, while still locking lips. At last, Xander knew Sera was done, and he panted as he finished himself. Rolling off Sera, he teased, "Well, gonna rate that or going to keep your numbers to yourself?"

Shutting her eyes, Sera wondered how she was going to explain this if anyone was up still. Oh well. Hoping that she hadn't just jinxed herself, she told him playfully, "For my first one night stand? I would have to say pretty decent. You got my mind off everything for sure."

He played with her hair as he propped up to one elbow. "Yeah? Glad to be of service, Princess."

Laughing softly, Sera smiled and then sighed, "I guess this will be the last we see of each other until the Games… the next two days are personal training."

Xander added, "And interviews. I don't know. I'm sure we can find the time to sneak out anyway. I've been with a few girls, Sera… but I like you. A lot. I wish we had more time."

Sera sat up and pulled away from him. She frowned at him and said softly, "But we don't have more time. And that's not true. You can't like someone a lot after only knowing them for a few days. I like you, but not in that way."

"Well." Xander stood up and pulled his pants on. "If you knew me better, you'd find out I make up my mind fast. I'll take friends though." He flashed a sexy smile and added, "With benefits?"

Standing up, Sera made sure her clothes didn't have any straw in them before putting them back on. Once dressed, she turned to Xander and asked, "Meaning you want to do this again before we go into the arena?"

"If you'll have me. Tell you what. You said I was pretty decent. Next time I'll blow your mind. And that's a promise I **can** keep."

Sera snorted and rolled her eyes. Teasingly, she told him, "We'll see. I still have lots to do before going into the arena."

Nodding, he pulled his shirt on again and mockingly bowed. "Shall I lead the way, Princess? Get you past the dragons again?"

Giving a laugh, she made a shooing motion to let him lead her. Unlike on the way there, they didn't run into anyone. They got to the elevator and arrived at her floor. Pausing, she turned to look at him and gave him a small smile. "If I don't see you before then, I'll definitely see you in the arena. We'll be enemies then."

Xander propped the door with his body and raised a hand and traced Sera's lips with his thumb. "That may be so… or we could form our own alliance. They want a show, right? Think they'd mind if we made it x-rated?" He winked at Sera.

Her smile widened a bit before it turned sad. Grabbing his wrist, she told him while deliberately ignoring his question, "The citizens want a story. It's what makes them root for you. I already know what my story is to catch their attention. I'm hoping that it's enough."

He had an unreadable expression on his face. Finally Xander stepped away from her and said in a slightly flat tone, "Well, the offer is there. Take it or leave it. You still need someone on your side, and it ain't gonna be Levi. I'll be your knight in shining armour, Princess. Same time tomorrow night if you can." With that he stepped backwards and let the doors shut.

Sera sighed and leaned against the wall and wondered when and how her life had gotten so complicated. She was only supposed to come here for Ellie, not get attached to anyone, do her own thing, and win. But no… she had to go and sleep with the first guy that was nice to her. Just to get away from reality. Her sister really was rubbing off on her.

Deciding to think more of this in the morning, Sera slipped back into the apartment. She was about to sigh in relief when she did a quick and brief look around, though that quickly disappeared when she heard, "Where in the hell have you been, Sera?"

Turning, Sera froze as she stared at one of the people she really didn't want to see at this moment: Finnick.


	7. Chapter 7

_Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own._

_\- Bruce Lee_

* * *

Sera stared wide eyed at Finnick. She really hadn't expected anyone to be up. Least of all him. What on earth was he doing up at this hour? The only thing she could think to do was stammer out in embarrassment, "Um… I… err… I went for a walk?" Then she took a closer at him. His clothes were wrinkled and he looked… sweaty? He'd been out himself, hadn't he? "Where have been? It looks like you just got in yourself."

Finnick let out a small bitter chuckle before he put on his signature smirk. "Where do you think I've been, Sera?" At her silence, he continued but lost the smirk, "You're not stupid. You know where I go and what I do. If I may add, your sister likes doing it. I do it for different reasons."

"And what are your reasons?" Sera asked him softly.

"Ah now. Because I must," he chuckled. "You know, your mom started out that way. But then she fell for a man but it was not to be. She cannot move to the Capitol any more than he can move to District Four. It's partially why she drives you and your sister hard at times - because she wants to make him proud, even if I tell him he already is. But that's not what I was going to say." He paused to look her up and down. "What's your reason for being… dirty, hm? And don't say that you were out walking. I don't believe you."

"Oh, um." Sera couldn't help the flush and looked away, curling her finger into her straight black hair. "I was out looking at the horses," she said quietly.

Finnick stared at her and his voice had a hint of anger. "You were out with the tribute from District 10. More than out actually. You had sex with him, didn't you?" When he say her deeper flush he snapped, "Why would you do something like that?"

Sera frowned at his bluntness and got defensive. "It was only this once. Besides it got my mind off everything. I need that."

"No, Sera!" Finnick got a hard glint in his eyes. "You're being stupid, girl. I told you not to talk to anyone so that you wouldn't get attached!"

"Wait a damn minute!" Sera snapped back, "I'm not like you or Ellie! Even mom! It's possible for me to not form attachments. I haven't started doing that now nor will I start! I'm not attached to Xander!"

Anger flashed across his face and he said, "I'm trying to stop you from getting hurt! I've been in this _**exact **_situation. I was younger than you. You go into that arena being attached to someone and make it back out… they're the ones that haunt you the most. The others will too, but the ones you call allies… they're the worst."

The anger drained away from Sera and left her feeling helpless. She didn't want to be here, but she was. Tears welled up and she whispered desperately, "You don't think I don't know that? I do… I know that I made Ellie an empty promise because I wanted to make her feel better. I also know that I'm not going to get any sponsors or get a good score. My mom is a total mess. I've seen her crying when she thinks I'm not looking. She has a hard time making sure she treats me like any other tribute she's had to mentor. And… just.. everything has been happening so fast. I miss Ellie… I miss having her be there when I need her. I need her now and she's not here. She was the one constant thing that I could count on not to change. Xander is like her. He's not going to change. He's constant in everything he says and does. I need that, Finnick. It is the only thing that is keeping me from falling apart into a million pieces."

She pressed her hands to her temples. Dammit. She had formed a bond already with Xander, hadn't she? How that happened? She'd just stood up for a rebel boy she barely knew. She almost hoped it was all over already. The tears came and suddenly Finnick wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into him. He murmured something she couldn't hear but this hug was something she hadn't known she desperately needed. At last she had her cry out and heard him say, "I can't imagine what it must be like for you and Ellie. You're close to each other. But that is how you'll get sponsors. You care for her, more than you do for yourself. Enough that you volunteered for her. You will keep your promise to her. And you're not terrible, Sera. I've seen you practice at home, and your strength is with the throwing knives. You've also had a good teacher in Ellie. You'll get a good score if you do what I've seen. The interview is where I think you'll truly shine. You don't need to be a character. You'll be able to sweet talk them by just being yourself. Just be honest will your answers they'll love you for it."

She wiped at her eyes and hugged him one more time. "Thank you. I need this to get everything out."

Finnick chuckled and pulled back. He gave her a smile and said, "Good night. You have a big day tomorrow."

"Night." She walked to her room and shut the door. She didn't even bother changing out of her clothes. She walked over to the bed, flopped down on it, and went into a restless sleep.

The next morning was a blur of activity and she wasn't sure how it happened but now she was sitting beside Levi waiting anxiously for her name to come up for them to show off their scores.. She wiggled her foot to work off the energy and fingered her bracelet that her father had sent for her, tapping her fingers on her chair. Noticing Levi watching her, she asked shortly, "What?"

An amused grin came to his face and he leaned back relaxed. "Nothing. Just thinking that if it were Ellie here, she would be the perfect picture of calmness and confidence."

Rolling her eyes at him, she replied sarcastically, "I'm sorry I'm not my sister. I'll just tap louder to annoy you. That'll make me feel better."

Much to her surprise, Levi laughed and sat up straight. He snorted, "No, you're definitely not Ellie. I wouldn't want her anyways really. "

"And why is that?"

To her surprise, he let out a small growl. "She was very good to my little sister. I'll give her that. My older brother is another matter entirely." He would have said more except they were interrupted by an announcement.

"_Seraphina Lucas._"

Sera looked up and realized that it was now her turn to go into the score room. Her nerves came back worse and she let out a small groan. Panicked thoughts were a constant in her mind. Her stomach turned and her palms were sweaty. She made her way into the room and waited for the game maker's to acknowledge her.

"Seraphina Lucas, District Four."

She took a deep breath when she got the nod from a gamemaker to begin start. Standing up straight, she strode to the dummy and used some of the signature moves that Ellie had taught her. When she had felt she'd knocked enough stuffing out of the dummy, she glanced up at to see if there were any reactions. Well, they were murmuring to each other but she couldn't tell if it was good or bad. Quickly, Sera tied a few fancy knots that were also practical, but she was sure most District Four tributes could do them. Well, you never know. She decided it was time for her show of weapons.

Feeling every pair of eyes on her as she walked to the weapons rack, Sera tried to stay calm and collected like Ellie would. Picking up the throwing knives, Sera walked to a good distance from the targets to make it challenging for herself. She could do it from here - she knew she could get all of the strikes closer in, but she wasn't here to be in her comfort zone. She had to shine as best she could. Taking a deep breath to steady her hands and her mind, Sera threw her knives at the targets. She managed to get most of them head on, though there was about three that had missed slightly and landed near the outer rings. Not bad, all told. Would it be enough to impress them though?

At last Sera was dismissed. Giving a sharp nod of thanks, Sera was out of the room fast and back into the waiting room. Walking past Levi, she gave him a look and muttered, "Good luck."

* * *

Sera shifted in her seat beside her mother, who was clutching her hand, betraying her nerves about this score. The room was loud from Levi's boasting, Jax' constant chattering, and having both prep teams and stylists with them.

Finally someone shouted, "They're starting the scores! Let's see how you did this year!"

Sera snapped her eyes to the TV and saw Caesar Flickerman. This year he was sporting purple hair and eyebrows and somehow it looked good on him. Unsurprisingly, Districts One got a nine and a ten. Two got two tens. Three didn't do as well and got a seven and a six respectively. Still not bad, but surprising. Finally it was time for Four.

She squeezed her mother's hand and was glad to get a squeeze back as she saw her name on the TV.

"Seraphina Lucas: 8!" Caesar crowed to the cameras.

The breath she had been holding released and she breathed out a laugh. Her prep team let out cheers and squeals of happiness. Glancing over at her mom, Sera saw relief in her mother's eyes along with something else, but her mom mouthed, "Good job, I'm proud of you."

There was a lot of celebrating that night since Levi had also done well and gotten a ten. Everyone went to bed happy. Sera couldn't sleep from the relief that was flooding through her still. It meant that she had a chance in there. A chance of surviving and getting home to Ellie and her niece or nephew. Looking at the clock, Sera realized with a start that this would be around the time she normally met Xander. After how last night had ended, she wasn't too sure if he would want to see her again. But she was too happy and relieved about her score and she wanted to share it personally with him. Did that mean she was getting too attached? Maybe, but right now? As he'd say, fuck that. Sera hesitated only hesitated briefly before she got up and snuck out the door. Shutting it quietly behind her, she inched her way into the hallway and asked softly, "Xander? Are you here?"

"Yup, Princess." Xander emerged out of a different dark corner and cocked his head at her.

Quietly, she made her way over to him and grinned up at him, "I got a decent score! An eight! I'm happy with it. Now all I have to do is nail the interview tomorrow."

He smiled back, and gestured at the elevator. They did their route again, smoothly this time, and when they reached the safe haven of the stables, he sighed. Turning to Sera, he told her, "I heard about your score. Congrats on that. Not too surprised that big oaf got a ten though. But I'm sure you deserved yours."

Sera thanked him then a thought suddenly occurred to her. "What was your score? Our district escort wanted to celebrate both us doing so well. I never saw the rest. I'm sorry, I really wanted to see how you did."

Xander blew a breath of anger. His knuckles tightened then he relaxed them. In a tight voice he said, "I gave them a good show, but some knew about my troublemaking past. I got a five."

"Oh. Her nose scrunched up and she said carefully, "Well… you haven't really been on good behaviour while here either. But scores don't _really_ matter. You just have to be smarter than the rest of them. The scores just help give an edge."

He looked at her, then broke into a grin. "Yeah, it's true. You know what I usually do? I smile at the SOB's who try to bring me down, laugh at the haters who are jealous, and point the middle finger at the asses who think they're better."

"Of course you do," Sera muttered under her breath. She looked up when a horse stuck its head out of its stall door. She couldn't help staring at the beautiful creatures, then the stupidest question came out of her mouth, "Can I pet the horses?"

Xander looked at her in surprise, then laughed. "Of course you can. Try Pearl. She likes pets anywhere. Some don't like their noses touched and only their necks. But Pearl is a big baby. She loves any kind of attention."

Sera glanced at Pearl and then back at Xander. Slowly she made her way over to Pearl and stood like a fool in front of her. Deciding that she might as well just keep asking the stupid questions, she asked, "Now what do I do?"

A chuckle from behind her. Then Xander's calm voice, "She's not going to bite. Let her sniff your hand. Then just stroke her. She likes her nose and her star rubbed."

Sera could feel her heart beat faster as she held out her hand to the horse. The soft whiskery lips weren't something she was expecting and she couldn't help the squeak and jerked her hand back. "Ahh, you know what? Nevermind. I'm good."

Xander laughed loudly. "Aw, Princess. I didn't take you for a chicken." He walked up to Pearl, who happily whickered at him and nuzzled him. "Well, yes my girl, I did bring a treat." He held an apple for her and and the mare snatched it greedily." Raising an eyebrow at Sera he said, "Too bad you're scared of an innocent horse.'

She knew he was goading her. It was something Ellie did all the time and yet, she fell for it every time. This time being no different. Narrowing her eyes at him, she let out a huff, and walked up to Pearl. Holding out her hand, she let the horse sniff her. This time she petted the horse's nose, finding that it was softer than anything she'd ever felt before. Even softer than her Capitol sheets in her bed. But she wasn't going to tell him that and give him the satisfaction of "winning".

"There, that's it. Doesn't her nose feel like velvet? I'm glad they are taking good care of my friends. She looks so fit." He gave Pearl a loving pat before sighing again.

Taking a few steps back, Sera moved closer to Xander and away from Pearl. Softly, she asked, "Do you miss your district?"

He thought about that. Finally he leaned on the stall wall and slid to the floor. "I guess. I mean, I miss Dad and the horses. I don't miss the authorities. I always wanted to be free. Even though I could come and go as I pleased, I still felt caged. And here is even worse. And I… can no more escape than dog on a leash."

Sera slid down beside him. She brought her knees up to her face and rested her chin on them. "I miss District Four. I miss listening to the waves and watching the sunrise over the water. It was a beautiful sight. I miss the smell of salt air and fresh fish. I miss feeling the sand underneath my feet. I miss the people. But most of all, I miss Ellie. I never wanted to come here."

Xander shook his head, "I never wanted any of this either. Oh, they might tell you it's to punish all of us. But does it really make sense? It doesn't, Sera." He glanced at her, very softly saying, "I can't tell you much, because I don't know much either. But there are whispers. Something will happen. We will get our chance."

Letting out a bitter laugh, she said, "We'll probably be dead by then. Besides, they just seem like rumours. I won't believe in them until I have proof. At least your name got called. I volunteered for my sister."

His voice took on a growl as he said, "Yes, my name was called. But I wonder about that. I was my district's rebel. I got whipped three times. It was my last year to get pulled. What are the chances of that?"

"About the same as my sister's name getting called. It was her last year too. Too bad being a Victor's daughter doesn't give you any benefits over having your name called."

Tilting his head, Xander pondered. He thoughtfully brushed his hand on Sera's arm. Agreeing, he replied, "No, it doesn't." Sighing, he continued, "Well then. I just have to learn to sit tight until I hear more. But then you're right. I'll be dead anyway. However, I've passed along messages to those at home who ran with me. Hard to do the same here. Too many eyes. And they know me too well. During the day, that is. You know I've been here every single night? And they still haven't figured it out?" He gave his bad boy grin at that last part.

Sera sighed, "From what my mom and Finnick have told me… plus overhearing things at home when I'm not supposed to… Snow has eyes and ears everywhere. He probably knows. I got told to behave the first day I got here. I figure he's going to make my life a living hell in that arena because of who my mother is."

Xander gave a harsh bark of laughter, "And mine too. Say, since they have it in for both of us, we really should stick it in their faces and form an alliance after all. They won't expect that."

"I told you last night I have a plan already."

He ran his hand through his strawberry blonde hair, then said, "You want their pity, don't you? And if that plan falls flat?"

"Then I'll deal. I'll figure out another way. Why does this alliance mean so much to you?" Sera asked him.

Shrugging, he said, "I guess I've been alone so much. I don't particularly care for that at this time. It doesn't seem right. But I get it if you don't want to be associated with a character like me." He glanced at her, his blue eyes piercing.

Sera locked gazes with him. "I don't know what I want. I just know that I need to get back to my sister. That's the only thing that's making fight so hard to win. I can't let her or mom feel the loss of my death. I just can't."

Xander reacted without thinking. He brushed her tears away, then leaned in and gave Sera a gentle kiss, twining his fingers in her hair for a moment. Then he pulled back suddenly. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just had to."

She didn't respond other than to kiss him a bit harder than he had her. She pushed herself up against him as she felt everything start to disappear. This is what she wanted. To forget again. Maybe it was unlike her and a bit selfish but she didn't care at this moment.

Xander moaned against her, but then pushed her away to look in her eyes. He had a small smile, and whispered, "Are you asking what I think you're asking? If so… I want to know. Do you have feelings for me, or am I just a toy for you?"

Sera hesitated before answering honestly, "You are a distraction from everything. But everything is moving so fast and I can't deal with it. Um. You're not a toy. You're someone that I've come to see as… someone that helps me deal with it all."

He considered this information, and grinned. "That's your way of trying to say to _yourself_ that this is nothing, when in reality, and in a perfect world, there **are** feelings there. But this isn't the time to ponder deep stuff. Just letting you know that **I **know."

"I don't have any feelings for you. If you must know, you remind me of my sister. Just in a friend way," Sera huffed at him.

Xander smirked as he stood up and pulled Sera up. "Oh, really? And you have sex with her? Right. Of course. Just friends. Gotcha."

Sera let out a growl and pulled him into her. Her back hit the wall and she shifted against him while kissing him hard again.

He leaned into her kiss, running his hands on her body. He pulled out of it, saying, "Wait, we'll use that stall again. Just let me put the blanket down." Quickly he did so and Xander was soon on top of Sera. But he whispered in her ear, "You want a toy? I give you a toy. You'll be begging me before I'm done with you. Because, Princess, at home I was a player. I know how to do this just right."

"Just give me a distraction for as long as you can and I'll be happy," Sera told him in return.

He raised an eyebrow and thoughtfully told Sera, "I promised to be mind blowing last night. Best way to do this is tease and denial. Have you ever tried that?"

"Tease and denial? Should I be worried?" she asked him warily.

He laughed, and had a glint in his eye. Explaining, he said, "Nope. You think you're tough? This will prove it. Here's how it works. I'm going to make love to you, maybe I'll pleasure you, but as soon as you get close, I'm stopping until you calm down again. A little bit of that, you might curse me to the skies… but when I allow it, it'll be over the top. I promise. You game?"

Sera hesitated before nodding slowly at him. Xander gave a wolfish grin and kissed her slowly from her lips to her chest as she lay under him. Then he drove into her, moving his hands and hips suggestively. As soon as he heard her gasp a little, Xander stopped everything immediately. "How you doing there, Princess?"

Sera gripped the blanket in her hands as she arched against him lightly. "More. I… damnit… need more," she panted.

"Oh no you don't. Not getting it that easy," Xander firmly told her. He waited until he was sure he could begin again. Then he happily made love once more. He pushed her to the edge again, and once again pulled back. She groaned but said nothing. Finally, Xander started again. He did it so well that Sera was at that edge but not quite when Xander came. But it wasn't enough for Sera's turn. Xander panted and then laughed softly, "Not quite yet. A little more, Princess."

Sera trembled underneath him. She could feel the scratchy blanket underneath her, his warm breath on her neck, his hands on her giving her pleasure, his mouth giving her kissed along her neck that were driving her crazy with lust, and she could still feel him in general. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed this release from this torture.

Untangling her hand from the blanket, Sera dug her nails into his back, as she begged him, "Please? Oh please… I can't… no… more."

Xander growled and said, "You'll get it _when_ I say so, and not before." He perversely did nothing as he recovered himself. Now he began the process over again, enjoying the feeling of Sera bucking against him. Closer, ever closer, then foiled her again. She let out curses mixed with begging, music to his ears. At last he studied the sweating girl under him. He could do this for a very long time if he wanted to, but he didn't want to exhaust her totally. So they began the slow torturous climb again. Xander did know what he was doing, and timed it just right so he could finish at the same time she did. And at long last, he allowed her release and let her explode, riding her wave with his own.

Sera bit into his shoulder to keep her screams muffled. It felt like she was riding out a storm in a rock boating until the storm died down. Her nails raked his back and she bucked against him until she had nothing left in her and the storm inside her had passed. She collapsed against the ground, covered in sweat, and shut her eyes trying to get her breathing under control. She felt him collapse on top of her, and she let her fingers run through his hair, she asked, "Are… you… okay?"

Giving a deep laugh, Xander replied, "I think... I should be... asking... **you**... that question. But… fuck… that was… **awesome.**"

Sera let out a soft moan, but said, "I'm great. More than… great. That was… wow. I never… experienced sex… like that before." She gave a soft laugh and teased, "You did an excellent job of keeping me distracted."

Smirking at her, Xander shot back, "As if you _could_ think of anything else! But yeah. It's totally worth it. I did warn you that I was experienced with this kind of thing. Which was unfortunate for my father." Giving a wink, then a slight grunt as he pulled out of her and dropped beside her on the blanket.

"If you're as experienced as you say you are, then I'm very surprised you haven't gotten a girl knocked up. That's probably the thing your father worries about most." Sera paused and admitted, "I know mom was worried about that with Ellie."

Xander shrugged and admitted, "Well, no one knows this. But I did… twice that I know of. But one lost the baby early. The other, well, I don't know what she did with it. Suffice to say she doesn't have a kid with her and avoids me like the plague. But Dad has no idea. Probably just hopes I'm impotent!" He shrugged it off with a laugh.

Sera studied him before pushing herself up onto her elbows. Rolling over to her side and facing him, she asked softly, "Does it bother you? That your father thinks that? That the girls lost your unborn children?"

He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Looking at her, he breathed slowly before saying honestly, "I don't care what Dad thinks. It's easier and I get fewer lectures. As for the girls, I don't know. A blessing and a curse, really. It would have made things… awkward… if they lived. At the same time I do wonder sometimes." Dropping the serious expression to cover with another laugh, "Ah well. I'm too much of a bad boy to settle anyway. As if they could make me!"

"Hey." Sera brushed her fingers across his cheek and told him, "Don't do that. Don't put on this act in front of me. I have a rough idea on what you might be feeling. I can help if you want to talk about it."

Xander studied Sera before casually replying, "It's cool. Won't matter in a few days anyway. I know that if the one who lost the baby first had actually had it… her dad would have killed me with his bare hands. And it wasn't as if I was going to stop what I do. So there's that. If I happen to have any more, I won't be around for them anyway."

Sera swallowed at his words. Tears welled up as Ellie and her unborn child sprung to mind. Her heart ached at the thought of never getting to meet him or her. She felt the tears fall and quickly laid back down again, so Xander wouldn't see them. As much as she tried, she couldn't help the thickness in her voice. "Well, you did good on your promise. We should probably go now."

"Yeah, I need a shower after all that exercise. Pretty sure you do as well. But I guess we'll have to wait till morning or our people will be rather suspicious. Unless… you want something else? As in short and fast?"

Sera hesitated before pulling an Ellie move and taking control. She rolled over until she was on top of him. Pressing a finger to his lips, she told him, "One more quick round before we head back."

Smirking, he told her, "Your wish is my command, Princess."

When they were done, Xander again folded the blanket and led Sera back. They had to duck once into a dark corner as someone came with a flashlight, but thankfully the person quickly moved on. Once on Sera's floor again, Xander grinned at her. "I can't wait to see what you wear tomorrow, Princess."

Sera rolled her eyes and told him, "Next time I see you after tonight is in the arena. It's time to say goodbye, Xander."

Xander looked at her and suddenly grabbed her arms, whispering, "Then permit me one last kiss. For luck." Not waiting for an answer, he kissed her deeply and passionately. He felt her arms go around him, and pushed her up against the wall, lips still locked. They bumped against the small table in the hallway, knocking the plant on it off, but neither noticed. They were too wrapped up in their kiss.

"Sera!"

Sera immediately shoved Xander away from her. Her face paled and she looked up at the voice. "Mom! Hi! What are you doing out here?"

Her mother's eyes narrowed and glanced at Xander then back to her daughter. "Get inside now," was all she said. Sera hurriedly dashed in and heard her mom's voice saying something to Xander followed by the door shutting. She now found herself with a very pissed mother glaring at her.


	8. Chapter 8

_Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does._

_-William James_

* * *

Sera looked at her mother shamefacedly and at last broke the silence muttering, "I don't know what to tell you."

Isabelle sighed and replied in an emotionless voice, "How about the truth? It's a good start."

Looking down, Sera felt like she was six years old again and having gotten caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Stumbling to find words, she said, "Um, well, we have… I'm sorry." Blowing out a breath, she started over again and said, "I'm sorry, mom. I really am. I tried to stay from Xander after I found him on our first night here. But then.. after that… he just coming back and he… he's interesting and things just… happened from there I guess."

Isabelle blew out a sharp breath and studied her daughter. Eventually she said, "I know everything is moving by so fast. Tomorrow, _my daughter_ is going into the arena. You've done okay by Capitol standards. You've gotten a slightly above average score, and I'm not worried about the interviews tomorrow, or today I should say. You've got a good way with words. You're very much like your father that way. But Seraphina Lucas! What on earth were you thinking?" She paused and crossed her arms, stating bluntly, "By the display I came across in the hallway, I'm guessing you've had sex with him."

Sera winced and flushed. She didn't have to say anything - her face said it all. Her mother snapped, "How long have you been sleeping with him?"

"Oh. Um. Just two nights." She rushed through her words hoping to placate her mother as soon as possible. "He had the codes to get outside. We have… err… been doing it in the barn. He used to raise those horses himself..."

Isabelle stared at Sera and said in a dead calm voice, "Again, what have you been thinking?! I thought I raised you better than this… but I guess I was wrong."

"No! You raised me right! You want to know what I have been thinking… I've been thinking that I'm going to **die**! So I've been acting like I am because I don't want to regret anything else other than leaving you and Ellie! I'm not my sister! She could do this with her eyes shut, but I can't!" Tears slipped unwanted down Sera's face as her fear came back. She wished she could be with Xander now. Or even better, she wished she were home with Ellie and not here.

"**You are not going to die!" **Isabelle shouted. Reaching out, she grabbed Sera's shoulders and shook her lightly, Isabelle continued with her voice growing more desperate. "You're not! You hear me, Sera? You **aren't **going to die! I won't let that happen. Not to you. Not another daughter of mine is dying because of my mistakes! I'll do anything to make sure you get out of that arena… anything!"

Sera blinked at Isabelle in a mixture of confusion and horror as Isabelle turned away and crumpled into a chair, crying. What should she do? She was so used to seeing her mom as the strong one. The resiliant one. The one who would fight tooth and nail for her children. The one that took care of her and Ellie no matter what. The one who had helped Ellie through the whole pregnancy thing. So to see her cry now like this… she'd never seen her cry before.

Actually she had. Once, a long time ago when she was small. There was a time during a thunderstorm when Sera had heard her mom cry, and it had scared her. Even then, Isabelle had snapped out of whatever it was - now she realized it must have been some Games memory - and comforted her small daughter.

Now she could do the same. She leaned down and hugged her mother tightly. "Mom?" she whispered as she felt her mom hug her back. Her thoughts raced as she thought of the unfairness of what that Snow was doing to the Victors, to all of them, but there wasn't anything they could do to stop him. And as for whatever her mom meant by another daughter… she tell her and Ellie all in good time. For now, Sera said, "Mom? I promise I'll do my best to get out of there. I won't give up again. I'll come home. You're not going to lose another daughter. I won't let you."

At last Isabelle calmed herself and cupped Sera's face and pressed her forehead against hers and held her daughter tight. Whispering with a voice thick with emotion, she said, "I know you fight for us, baby. It's what makes you strong in a different way than Ellie and I. You have the strength of your father. I am **proud **of how you turned out. You both gave me a reason to live again. A reason to fight… to rebel against _him_. A reason to make a better world for you both."

"Mom? Who was the other daughter?"

Sighing, Isabelle said, "I'll only tell you a little bit. Her name was Emily. You remind me of her, but you're not her. She is - was her own person. Sometimes I wish you or Ellie were like her, but that's wrong. You are your own person with her own personality, dreams, and goals. And I love you for being you. Emily didn't have a chance to grow into any of those. She was killed too young, along with my boyfriend, right after I won. Shot dead in front of me. I couldn't do anything to stop Snow from doing it."

That made Sera gasp in shock and she asked, "Why did Snow do that?"

"Because I told him off and refused his offer after my game. I told him where he and his Games could go. I payed for it dearly. After that I had nothing until I met your father on my victory tour. I actually met him here in the Capitol. We had one night together and I got pregnant with Ellie. I fell for him, and he for me. But we couldn't be together. So the next year, I looked for him, but he found me first. That's how I had you."

Leaning against her mom, Sera told her, "I'm glad you met him and had us. I'm glad we are a family. From what you've told me, he sounds like someone I hope to meet one day, when he's ready. But if that worked out for you, why were you so mad at me out in the hallway?"

Isabelle sighed and pulled away from her daughter. Brushing a lock of her dark hair back, she said honestly, "I was mad because you're making things harder on yourself, honey. You'll be going through enough pain without this… thing between you going on between you two. You're just going to make yourself suffer more in the long run. I don't want to have to watch that if I can help it."

"I had totally not intended for anything to happen with me and Xander. He's an asshole. But…" Sera looked ashamed and whispered guilty, "It's too late for that. I'm already attached."

"I wish it had been anyone but him. He's not a good sort. But you know what? We'll deal with it together when we get to that point. I'm here for you."

Sera relished in her mother's unspoken promise and curled into her. She was emotionally drained and didn't want to talk or think about anything. Instead, she spent the rest of the night with her mom and took comfort from the fact that her mom seemed to understand everything she was going through here.

Later, Sera smiled sheepishly at Jax at his look of disapproval. He wasn't too happy with the fact that she hadn't been getting much sleep at night. But oh well. He should be able to make her look nice anyways, shouldn't he?

At last Jax made an end of his studying over her and brightly said, "I can work with this. They will never know that you looked… nevermind. You will have them eating out of your hand. I'll make you look that good!" With that, he let her prep team do all the work. Afterwards, Jax stepped forward and handed a dress to Honey-Lemon to put on her.

Sera looked at herself in the mirror. "You did it again, Jax. I look beautiful but simple. Just how I like it." She turned back to the mirror and smiled happily. Her hair was falling down naturally in gently waves with the top of her hair pulled back into a fancy bun. She had her bracelet of seashells on her wrist which made her feel right at home. But the dress! Somehow it was more beautiful than the first one she wore, being a myraid of ocean colours: blues and whites and purples and greens.

Jax gave her a long look before walking over to her and placing Ellie's turtle necklace on her. "Are you ready to go and make the Capitol yours?"

Curling her fingers around it, she took comfort in it. She now had her sister with her, and that was perfect. Giving Kouza a determined smile, Sera told him, "I am. I'll make them fall for me."

* * *

The journey to the studio wasn't very long, but it felt longer to Sera because of her growing anxiety. She was amazed at the vast crowd people who had come to see the interviews which was awesome and terrifying at the same time. Sera watched as Levi walked over to the rest of the Careers and started muttering to themselves and glancing at her now and then. Great he had an in with the Careers. That meant she'd have to make sure to stay out of their way in the arena.

"Well, look at that. You clean up nice, Princess." A deep voice sounded next to her, with a hint of snarkiness in it.

Turning to face Xander, Sera looked him up and down and snorted softly. He looked very handsome, but still she couldn't help the tease, "I wish I could say the same about you."

Xander looked at his suit that was a deep brown in colour, with a stripe of blue that set off his eyes. He had a white shirt on that just peeked over the buttoned up jacket. He only laughed and said, "Oh yes, I'm sure you'd much rather have me with nothing at all. I'd make an impression alright."

Sera smacked him on the arm and hissed, "Don't say stuff like that in here! My mom and Finnick were both pissed when they found out about you."

He only shrugged and glanced over at them before sliding his gaze back to Sera. "I'm well used to angry parents and brothers. They don't bother me none. I'm just glad I get on that stage under my own steam. Nevermind, that is a story for another time." He looked at a Peacekeeper watching him and snorted. "I'm under oath to keep my attitude and language at an appropriate level. I have no idea how I'm going to swing that. But I suppose I must."

Sera was about answer when the stage got dark and she went to go back to her spot. Before she did, she gave him a smile and said softly, "Good luck out there. You'll find out why I won't do an alliance with you soon."

His answer came through the darkness and she could hear the smile in his voice. "Knock 'em dead, Princess." Then he slipped away to his place.

Sera hurried back to her place and stood beside Levi and made herself try to be calm until her name was called. She didn't pay much attention to the interviews ahead of her, preferring to focus on what she was going to say. At last it was her turn and Sera stepped up on the stage and gladly took Caesar's hand when he met her halfway. He kissed her cheek and helped her down the rest of the way to sit down.

"Seraphina, I have to admit you look as stunning as your mother did."

Flushing, she said modestly, "Thank you, but I'm not as naturally beautiful as my mom is. I owe this..." She waved a hand down herself, "To my prep team and stylist. They are the most amazing people I have met here in the Capitol."

Looking out at the audience, Caesar exclaimed, "Isn't she so modest?" There were sounds of agreements. He let them die down before turning serious. "Now let's talk about your reaping. Or I should say, your sister's reaping. There is always great interest when a volunteer is announced. And I must say we are curious why you would volunteer for your sister, who looks very capable indeed."

Sera took a deep breath and fingered the necklace. Reaching up, she unclasped it and held it out for everyone to see. "This necklace is Ellie's. She never takes it off. She gave it to as a token to the promise I made her." Sera felt tears well up at the thought of Ellie, and did not bother to hide them. She could use this, so she patted at her eyes and continued, "I promised her that I would make it back home because she needs me to."

Sera was surprised by the actual concern he was showing while he asked, " Is she going to be okay with you and your mother here?"

"I hope she is. The reason why I volunteered in her place is because I would have been an awful sister to let her come here while she's pregnant."

There was gasps coming from the crowd along with sobs. Caesar reached over and patted her hand in his, while saying sympathetically, "What a sad situation for you both to be. Your sister and mother are glad to have you in their lives." Pulling her up with him, he turned to the crowd and said, "Let's help our beautiful Seraphina here keep her promise to her sister and get her back home."

Sera smiled gently at them as a huge cheer echoed around her. Once she was backstage, she made her way to her mother, and breathed a big sigh of relief. "I did it! I had to tell them. It was the best way." She let her mom take her back to the apartment and fell asleep from all the excitement and exhaustion. She needed to catch up on her sleep so badly.


	9. Chapter 9

_ She was never quite ready. But she was brave. And the universe listens to brave. _

_ -Rebecca Ray _

* * *

  
  


When Sera woke up, everything was dark. What time was it? Oh, good. She say her mom had changed her out of her fancy dress into comfortable clothes. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was later than she normally met up with Xander. Disappointment flashed through her. He’d have gone ahead to see his precious horses. Was he waiting for her? She had told him that she wasn’t going to be there tonight but she had an itching to get away and see him. If she stayed in this room then she would think of what tomorrow was and that made up her mind pretty quick and she was up and out the front door before she could think it through otherwise.

Sera checked the hallway for Xander but couldn’t find him. Hoping that he wasn’t actually outside yet, since she didn’t know the codes, she hurried down. Making sure she was careful, she let out a sigh of relief when she saw him in the middle of punching in the code. Making her way over to him quietly, she whispered, “Is it okay if I still go with you?”

Xander didn’t turn around as he whispered back, “I heard you coming. You need to work on that. But let’s go.” He jerked the door open and they were silent as they made their way to the stables once more. Now he looked at Sera, and cocked his head. “So… we both got the crowd’s interest. In different ways. You got sympathy. I got lust. Works for me.” 

Sera nodded. She smiled up at him and said softly, “It’s our last night by ourselves. One last round?”

He growled softly in interest but asked, “What about dear mother? She looked ready to kill me.” 

“She was trying to keep me from hurting myself anymore than I have to,” Sera explained.

Xander scoffed and in a _ who cares _ voice said, “And does it matter now at this point? You said I'm just fun and games. Or does this run deeper than you're letting on?”

Anger flashed in her eyes and Sera stormed up to him. Glaring up at him, she told him smugly, “You **are **just fun and games. A distraction. Meaningless sex. Something that gives me relief from all this stress.” Her expression softened and she lost the smug tone. “But I do care for you. As a friend, one I know who is probably going to die and I’m setting myself up to be hurt badly. All because I’ve grown to care for you. That’s why she was so mad… she doesn’t want me to feel this pain that’s coming. But I don’t care. You’re you, Xander.”

He sucked in a breath and looked away. Absently, he stroked a horse's nose. He had to snap out of when the horse got impatient and shoved him. Chucking, Xander scolded lightly, “Okay! Stop that or I'm walking away!” He gave firmer strokes as he answered Sera, “I get that. That's all I ever had at home, with the sex part. Drove my grandmother nuts. But it doesn't matter. Do you still want it? Promise it won't be like last night. It'll be proper.” Xander grinned at that last bit.

Sera studied him for signs of him hiding away his true feelings on her response. Not finding one, she answered his question by reaching for her clothes and pulling them off, she asked, “Does this answer your question?”

Xander let his eyes roam over her body, then shrugged off his shirt and hanging it on a bridle hook. Then he slowly did the same with his pants and showed Sera how ready he was. Only one question: “My scars do not bother you? Or make you uncomfortable?”

Walking over to him, Sera went to his back and traced his scars. Not answering, she kissed every single one lightly, making her way around to face him again. An inch away from him, she said softly, “Does it look like they do?”

He groaned in pleasure and told her, “Nope. Do you know something? I like it when you touch them. Some are scared of them. There's one girl in particular I have to keep a shirt on if I want to do her. My dad can't stand looking at them. But… I don't mind. Or care. But you make me feel proud to have them.”

Sera looked at him in surprise. “I do? Why?” she asked as softly trailed her hands on some scars littered across his front.

“Because you see beyond them,” Xander said before pulling her into a kiss. Letting go he finished, “I'm a rebel, and I won't ever change. But you know that I could be otherwise, if ever I was given a good reason.” Locking eyes, he smiled with a slight moan as her fingers did their work.“I have never shown the real me to anyone.”

Sera didn’t know what to say as she was overcome by this warm feeling. She turned her gaze to his scars and an idea formed. She started from the top and kissed every single one of his scars. She heard his moans, which spurred her on, until she was at the cause of his “problem”. Locking eyes with him, she gently wrapped her hand around him, before showing him her thanks with her hands and mouth.

Xander gasped when Sera started this and trembled with need. He hissed in pleasure, “Yes, just like that. Oh… keep going. Fuck…” he trailed off as the need grew even more. Sera kept it up until he came and sank to his knees, level with her eyes. “Damn… girl… you are good… at that.”

Flushing red but having pride show on her face, Sera admitted to him, “You learn a lot things when your sister likes sex. Most of what she told me was on how to pleasure a man… and you don’t argue with her when she’s giving out free advice like that. No matter how much you don’t want to hear or know.”

Xander caught his breath and grinned at her. “Came in handy, didn't it? Perhaps, if you get back… you should thank her from me… _ especially.” _

Sera snorted and swatted at him. “It’s when I get back. And why would I thank her? She doesn’t need to know anything about this. Unlike her, I am quite reserved about what I share from my nearly non-existent sex life.”

Xander laughed and said, “Opposite problem from me. My whole damn district knows what I do. And I don't care.” Pausing, he tugged Sera to the stall again and laid out the blanket. “Get down. Spread them. My turn to return the favour.”

Sera raised an eyebrow at him, but did as he told her. She laid down on her and spread her legs slightly. She watched him curiously to see what he would do.

Growling, he shoved her legs further apart and settled himself between them. Then he grinned and locked eyes with her as he used his fingers with various pressure. He didn't look away but waited for her reactions to tell him how he was doing.

Sera cried out in pleasure quietly and arched her body. Moving her hips in time with his fingers, she made various sounds of pleasure as she about reached the edge. But before she could go over, she demanded him, “Not like this. I… want you.”

Xander looked up in surprise but he was excited again. He cocked his head, then bent over and blew on her special place, making her moan again. Then he moved up, and showed Sera how how he got himself ready. When he was close himself, he plunged into her. Because of all the preparations, it didn't take much for either of them to finish.

Sera kept one hand on his shoulder and let him hold her. Panting herself, she told him, “Thank you. I needed that. ”

Xander grinned and carefully pulled away from Sera. He flopped beside her, running a hand through her hair. “Thank you too. I needed it too, believe it or not.” He paused and told her, “You know… I saw your reaping video. I should have guessed further about what you were trying to do.” 

“What do you mean?” She asked softly.

“Because your sister is pregnant, yeah? She hid it well, but I watched it again. Her mannerisms are obvious if you’re looking for it. But of course all the attention was on you. It was a good move.” Xander smirked at her, “Did you see mine?” 

Sera nodded and sighed. “I did. You were a trouble maker from the start.” She turned and locked gazes with him and kissed him lightly against the lips. “I don’t regret volunteering. I never will if it means that she’s safe, she and her baby. Do you understand why I can’t be in any alliance? I’m better off on my own.”

He leaned over and brushed his thumb down Sera’s arm, then across her lips before dropping his hand away. “I guess. Just know I'm on my own too. Unless I find you.” Here he gave a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, my reaping was fun. I even rewatched that too. I punched a Peacekeeper, and cursed them out. Yes, they showed it on camera! I didn't care. I was too angry when they took me. To be safe, they chained me. There's a really nice shot of me on the train leaving with the fire in my eyes and of course they did a nice close up of my cuffs.” He shook his head ruefully.

Sera let her hand drop and trail over his wrist. She looked at them and said, “I don’t know why you fight against them so hard. They just hurt you and prove that there’s nothing you can do.”

“Oh, but Sera, that's where you are wrong. I told you before that things are happening. Little things right now. But before you know it, it'll be bigger. I don't care if they hurt me. They can hurt my body, but not wound my soul. And when the flame starts burning, there will be nothing that can drown it.” 

“You really believe that. I hope, for your sake, that is true,” Sera stated while studying him. She let go of his wrist and brushed her fingers across his cheek in a feather light touch.

Xander leaned into her touch and sighed happily. But at last he asked, “So… no one at home in that way?”  
  
“Boyfriends, yes. I had a couple, but as for sex… that is more Ellie’s thing than mine. But hey… we don’t have to worry about getting attached. Nothing expected of us. Doesn’t matter anyways. We’ll be dead the day after tomorrow.” Sera told him quietly. She knew she was lying to herself about the getting attached part but she had to say it… maybe she’d believe it.   
  
Xander snorted, “Welcome to my world. The girls at home are wild about me because I'm hot, bad, and don't give a shit. I haven't ever had a steady girlfriend. Had to start sneaking off to the woods… which I might remind you, we aren't allowed in… just so I wouldn't piss off too many dads. Mine included.”   
  
“You really are like Ellie,” Sera muttered. Her heart clenched at the thought of her sister and unborn baby. She couldn’t help the laugh from escaping her. It was ironic that each of them was getting the opposite of what they wanted in life. Focusing on Xander, she asked softly, “Really? No girl ever catch your interest at all in your short lived life?”   
  
He flashed a sexy grin, and replied lightly, “Oh now. They're all very nice. I'm generous. They all gotta have their share, or the others would be jealous.” He looked at Sera and winked.   
  
“You’re very conceited. And arrogant. There is nothing remotely attractive about you. We girls just use you for sex,” Sera told him primly while she sat up on her elbows staring down at him.   
  
Laughing, he shoved her over again. “Yeah, and you gotta admit that I do it well. There was that time when my dad caught me with this one girl. Oh, he whaled on me for that one. Then asked later how exactly I bent like that.” He went off into laughter.   
  
“I don’t even want to know what position he caught you in,” Sera said rolling her eyes. Sighing, she reluctantly pulled away from him and stood up. She trailed her eyes over his naked body, before forcing herself to walk away and get dressed again. She kept her back to him and crossed her arms around herself. It hit her then. She would never get this again with him. Never talk to him, see him, have sex with him. He really had become a constant in her life but one that would be torn from her. She slammed a hand against her mouth to stop the sob from escaping her.

Xander had sighed when Sera dressed again. Reluctantly he pulled his pants on again and had just zipped up when he heard her. Not bothering with his shirt, he came behind and just held Sera. The emotions ripped through him as well. He had never had a girl like her. The girl who had seen past him to his kind heart underneath the armour he wore. The girl he had fallen for. And knowing that it could never be. One or both would die. He could only wish it would be swift and together if possible. Xander blew a sharp breath and couldn't help but kiss her neck as he held Sera in his arms.

Sera was a whirlwind of emotions. Tomorrow was the start of the games. Tomorrow was the day she could potentially die. Tomorrow was the day she would find out if she was strong enough to keep her promise. Tomorrow was the day when her life would change forever again. She wanted to go home. She wanted to be with Ellie. She wanted to be there to greet her niece or nephew into this cruel world and show them good in it. But she also wanted to stay here with Xander. She didn’t want to have to kill. She didn’t want any of this. She didn’t want to leave him. Now she was angry at herself, at Xander, at her mom, at the game, at Snow. Then she was scared… no, terrified that her death would painful and drawn out. She cried even harder at this and gasped, “I’m scared.”

“I know,” was his soft answer. “I don't mind killing the others, except Daisy of course. But I don't think I could kill you. But if I were forced to it, it would be swift. Could you do the same for me, if it turns out that way?” He whispered in her ear with a note of desperation.

Sera shook harder and gasped for air through her sobs. Shaking her head wildly, her voice cracked replied, “No, I don’t want to… cause you more pain. But if you really want me to… I will.”

Xander sighed, then turned Sera around to face her. He had an unreadable expression on his face, but then threw caution to the wind and kissed her passionately. He kissed her as if he couldn't get enough of her. Then he reached down and hiked her dress up so he could pull a leg up on his hip and continued with his kisses.

Sera felt her tears mix in with their kisses. A desperation hit her and she hooked her other leg up around him, forcing him to hold her up. She wrapped her legs around him tightly and whispered against him, “Don’t let me go.”

Xander growled with passion and huskily said, “Never.” He held her easily but he had no purchase this way. So he moved forward until her back rested on the wall, leaving his hands free to roam on her body. There was only one issue. Xander gently bit her ear and in a lust filled voice said one word, “Zipper.”

Sera gasped and rocked against him in a hurried way. Her one hand was gripping his shoulder, probably going to leave more marks, and used her other one to find his zipper. She stumbled around with it, accidentally brushing up against him, until she undid it. Reaching in to free him, she hissed in his ear, “Here. Now. Rough. Fast. Need you.”

Xander wasted no time questioning her. He snarled with need as he pounded into her with no preparation, “Might hurt. But don't care. I need...you too.” He bit her shoulder as he moved quickly. He could feel himself deep and somehow grew more than he ever had. Grunting with both effort and lust, he thrust hard, ignoring her yelp of pain, and didn't stop. His need for her was too all consuming.

Sera yelped again, but this time it was in pleasure. She didn’t want him to stop and instead pushed herself harder against him. Her head fell back against the wall with a loud thump and she could hear the horses moving around them. But none of that mattered as she dug her hand into his shoulder. Her other one slammed against the wall, above her head, and pressed against it as she cried out in pleasure.

He did the same, and felt the peak coming. Instead of doing it slow like he had yesterday, he pumped more. It almost hurt him too, but he ignored it. At last Sera finished, and he only needed a few more thrusts against her bucking body to finish as well. He couldn't hold her after that, but just managed to stagger back to the blanket and fall on it. He dropped to his back so Sera was straddling him. But they were still joined. He whispered, “Stay... with me... awhile. Don't... move.”

Sera only managed a weak nod before she listened to his heart beat. Her body shook from what they had just done and her tears still fell down her gently. 

Xander reached and wiped her tears away. He very softly said, “ Thank you for that. I know we are both going to feel it in the morning, but was worth it. You alright?” 

“I’m fine. It’s exactly what I needed,” Sera whispered hoarsely.

He nodded in agreement. “As I did, as well.” Xander kissed her lightly, then reluctantly sat up on his elbows, wincing at her gasp. He pulled out quickly and grunted as he sat up. 

Sera lay on her back as she tried not to cause herself anymore pain from moving. How was she supposed to run tomorrow if she was sore? 

Xander smiled gently and stroked Sera’s face. His voice had a smirk in it, “When you get back upstairs, try some ice cubes. In a bag of course. And try not to let anyone see _ where _you're putting them!” 

“How come you aren’t as sore as I am?” Sera asked him softly.

Smugly, Xander answered, “My dear, I was doing all the shoving. You just got me at my biggest. But in truth, I am a little… irritated. But nowhere near you.”

Sera didn’t say anything other than press her hand against his cheek. “Can I ask you a personal question?” she whispered.

Xander took her hand off his face gently and kissed her fingers. He gazed at her with blue eyes piercingly, but answered, “Of course.”

Entwining her fingers with his, she kept her gaze on him as she asked softly, “Other than freedom, what were your dreams? Did you ever want to settle down with someone back in Ten?”

Snorting in amusement, Xander shook his head. “No. Well, at least there was no one I liked enough to settle with at home. I just used them, the same as they used me. And I was okay with that.” Pausing, he dropped his voice gently, in a tone unusual for him, “I never thought I would ever find anyone I could care for. But I did here. Where it isn't possible.”

Sera swallowed and licked her lips. Slipping her hand out of his, she reached down and played with the necklace around her neck. Hesitantly, she told him, “Try not ideal either. It’s nuts.”

He chuckled and agreed. “Yeah. It's true. And not much we can do about it.” Cocking his head at her, he asked, “Did you ever hear the hanging tree song? The one that they forbade?”

Shaking her head, Sera shifted closer to him, “No. Though I heard mom mention a song from Twelve that was forbidden.”

Shrugging, he said, “I can tell you the words. Just be very careful who you pass it on to, if you get out of here. The last one I told was stupid and blabbed. He's here now in the capitol. As an Avox.”

Sera shook her head furiously, “No, I don’t want to hear the words.” She sighed as she let go of the necklace and cupped his cheek. Brushing her thumb brush over his lips, she said quietly, “Mom was right. I’m just causing myself extra pain and suffering by allowing this to go on for as long as it has. But I find myself not being able to stop and I don’t know why. Maybe it's because… we are all carrying some sort of suffering or pain inside us and I identify with you the most. I don’t know… but I do know that I don’t want this to end between us, but it has to. We’ll be enemies tomorrow and you’ll likely kill me if we run into each other.”

Cupping her chin in his hand, Xander told her, “I don't want this to end either. I just wanted you to know that I have never shown anyone the real me. Not even my father has seen it. But you have. And that is enough for me. But Sera, do not deny there is no hope and no rebellion. I had hoped to lead it. But that honour will go to someone else. But that's okay. I don't mind, really.”

“I’ll try to keep an open mind, but why tell me to? It’s not as if I am actually going to win. 

“Because you need to know this. And…” Xander paused. He listened carefully. A horse was snorting in a different manner. He sharply called out, “Who's there? I damn well know you're here, so you might as well show yourself.”

Sera went tense and sat up straight. She shot Xander a look and glanced around when a voice she knew answered, “I’m only here to get my tribute back where she belongs.” 

Fuckit! She knew who that was. She staggered up and shucked on her clothes… and was in the nick of time as Finnick stepped out and moved towards them. He really didn’t look pleased with her, but asked her in concern, “Sera, did he hurt you too much from that… little round I heard from you? I heard you… um...”

Xander growled and stood up, zipping up his pants quite casually. He glared at Finnick, “What's the matter, Finnick? Couldn't get any action tonight so you thought you'd come here? ‘Fraid you're a bit late.”

Sera shot Xander a look to stop before turning to Finnick. Grabbing his hand, she squeezed it lightly and leaned against him lightly. “It was consensual, if you’re worried about him forcing me. I'm just sore. A bit more than I thought. But I'll be fine in the morning, Finnick.”

Xander was still pissed, and reverted back to the old rebel. He swore and glared at Finnick, saying fiercely, “So what the fuck are you doing? And you can't do anything about what we did. So go back to bed and slip into something more comfortable… like a coma.”

Sera watched as Finnick’s eyes glinted and she moved closer to him until she was pressed against him. Placing a hand on his arm, she tugged on him to go. He placed a hand on her back and ignored Xander, telling her, “I was coming back from a client when I saw you slip into the elevator. I checked to make sure it actually was you, which to my surprise it was. I waited to see if you were going to come back soon, but you didn't. I asked Isabelle on where you could possibly be. Imagine my surprise when she cursed and said the barns. We’re going now before you get caught somewhere you aren’t supposed to be.”

Xander crossed his arms and snapped, “I've done a good enough job so far, _ sir. _I've heard already that Sera doesn't always listen to what you say. She was safe with me.”

Sera watched wordlessly with growing nerves as Finnick paused to look back at Xander and tell him, “She hasn’t listened to one thing from me. But that was more of a personal reason why. I’ve talked to your mentor, watched you, and found out a lot about you. She will never be safe with you around.” Turning to Sera, he put pressure on her back to go, “We need to go now before you get caught by Snow himself. You don’t want that to happen, Sera.” 

“And are you so afraid, Finnick, of that old bastard?” Xander growled, “You are just another pawn in his games. You kneel down to them all, which is something I will never do. Have you ever been punished for merely speaking your mind? Have you ever been chained to a post, flogged while they laugh? No. I'm quite sure you haven't. Because you are too busy hiding behind people that will never speak up. I carry my scars proudly. And the rebel in me will never die, even if I do.”

Finnick let out a harsh laugh. “You’re not playing the game right. What you’re doing is what is going to kill you. I won’t let you drag Sera down with you. She has a lot more hanging on the line than you ever will.”

Sera spoke up before Xander could. “Finnick, lets go. You made your point. Both of you have. The more you both fight… the more likely we’ll get caught. So, please, let’s go.”

Xander sighed but nodded. “Hold on.” He turned to his favourite horse and slipped her a treat, “So long, Pearl. Hope you will always be treated well, and be happy.” He gave her one last rub then followed Finnick.

When they got up to Sera’s floor again, Xander raised an eyebrow at the older man, lifting a lip in a slight snarl, “So, you gonna say anything about this?”

Finnick only shook his head and addressed Sera, “If you’re not in the apartment in five minutes, I’ll be out looking for you again. That time I won’t let you say goodbye.” With that he left the elevator and walked into the apartment. 

Sera sighed and stepped out into the hallway. “He went easier on us than I thought. Though, he’s beyond mad now.”

Xander smirked. “Good. If he had threatened anything, I do have some sources that would take care of him. But he won't say anything. But you saw up close and personal how I normally am with others.” Cocking his head he asked, “One more, Princess?”

Sera looked at him and said softly, “Finnick would never have told anyone. He never told my mom when he should have. I trust him with my life.”

Xander sighed but said nothing more. He only kissed her passionately one more time. Pulling away, he whispered in her ear, “See you tomorrow. As friends.” He backed away into the elevator and let it shut. He grinned and let one last word slip, “Princess.” Then the doors were closed.

Sera sighed and walked into the apartment. Finnick gave her a look that was unreadable and left before she could say anything. Clutching the necklace, Sera flopped down on the chair and wished that Ellie was here to tell her what to do about Xander and Finnick and what to do for the games tomorrow.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

_The only way to deal with an unfree world is become so absolutely free that your existence is an act of rebellion._

\- Albert Camus

* * *

Xander rolled out of bed before the sun even rose. It was a habit of years of working with the horses. He grabbed a quick breakfast and was out the door. It was the day of the reaping, but there was still much to do beforehand. He ran to the barns and starting feeding horses, checking in on the foals, noting a new one had been born last night. Xander grinned at the little black filly tottering around and spent time with her, grinning the whole time. She really was sweet and she instantly took a liking to him. His father had promised him a horse from this year's crop and he knew exactly which one he'd ask for. She was perfect. Finally he tore himself away from the filly before moving on to mucking.

He heard his father come into the barn, and called out, "Lady Roxanna had a filly. Granddad will be pleased. I want this one." But his father didn't answer or go to see the new filly. Instead he walked up to Xander and watched him working for long a moment. Something was up. Xander leaned on his pitchfork, squinting at his father, and asked, "What's up, Dad?"

Andrew hesitated, and told his son firmly, "Today's the day of the Reaping. Are you going to behave or what, Xander? It's a big day and there are going to be a lot of people watching, you know."

Xander rolled his eyes and replied, "And when have I 'behaved'? Especially when those stupid fakers come around and pretend that it's all fortune and glory." He pitched another forkload with contempt.

His father's voice arrested him, "Xander, if you're not chosen, do try to keep the attitude down. I won't have you dragged to the post a fourth time. It was hard enough the other times. And I don't think your grandmother could stand it again. Please, if you don't do it for anyone else, do it for her."

Blowing out a breath, Xander closed his eyes. He remembered too well the last time, which had been fairly recent. He'd mouthed off yet again to the Peacekeepers, and the head man had snapped. The feelings came back again to him...the cold metal around his wrists, the fire lacing into his back, and the blood running down. Oh, they could try to break him, the idiots, but they couldn't quench his inner flame. Unless they tried to kill him, of course. He'd cursed them at the post instead of buckling to them. That had just made the ordeal longer, but Xander hadn't cared. But it had broke his grandmother's heart. Sighing, he nodded to his father, who gave him a long look and left him to his work.

He finished up his assigned stalls and groomed his usual horses. After today, would he do this again? They had sent a stunning matched grey pair of horses already to the Capitol to replace last year's greys for the parade. Now they had demanded a roan team too, and Andrew had chosen two horses to send. They'd go with the new tributes from today. If Xander didn't go, he'd really miss them. He'd broken both of the roans himself, and they were a pleasure to ride and steady in harness. It was just as well, he thought. Even in the Capitol, the horses have a better life than those silly frauds that actually lived there.

When he was done, he wondered if he should go and have a little sword practice. There were only three things he truly loved. The horses. Sex. And the feel of his blade in his hand. He was very good at swordplay, and probably that was the only reason he hadn't been killed yet by angry fathers or brothers. They knew it would be hard to match him. Oh, of course, a few upstart fellows had set on him unexpectedly before, when he was unarmed. However, Xander had grown up with a sharp tongue and quick fists. Fighting was in his blood. Xander finally decided he should go see his grandmother instead of going to practice. If things went well today, he'd go and practice anyway.

He stopped by his grandmother's house. His granddad was out, looking at Xander's new filly. Xander needed to see her alone before everything happened. Just in case. She was the only one he was very close to and he knew his wild ways made her upset. He felt bad about that, but Xander couldn't change. He stepped in and immediately saw her sitting in her usual chair, pondering. "Grandmother? You okay?"

She looked up at the young man in happiness and love and smiled. "You're so handsome. No wonder all the girls are after you. But I wish you'd keep it in your pants more." Xander laughed and stooped to kiss her old weathered cheek. She sighed and took his hand, squeezing it tightly in worry, "Xander? I have a bad feeling about today. What if you're taken?"

The boy sighed and ran his hand through his strawberry hair, and fixed his bright blue eyes on his grandmother's matching blue ones. "Grandma? To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised. I've caused a lot of trouble, and it'd only be their way of getting back at me. You see...the whispers grow stronger. There is rebellion in the wind. And I will be at the forefront of it."

"No!" was the instant response. "Xander, listen to me. Stop this nonsense. Please, don't do anything stupid. I couldn't bear it if you left."

Xander yanked his hand out of hers and swore, "Fuck the Capitol. And all those assholes."

A gasp from the old lady made him look again. She scolded him, "Watch the language, young man! Honestly, I don't know where you get it from. And you can't be talking like that anyway. Please, Xander. Don't make this harder."

In response, he only leaned over and kissed his grandmother on the temple. "If I'm chosen, don't stay when I'm taken away. Leave. For me, okay? I love you." Without another word or glance, Xander left.

He sighed as he walked down the street. If he left, he was sure only his grandparents and his father would miss him. His mother died when he was very young and he just remembered her. A sweet and beautiful woman she had been. Stella had been her name and he always thought it was a pretty name. Since he had no mother, he'd grown up among his father's horses. Sure the old man had beat him sometimes, but Xander was a born rebel. He listened to no one. He walked by the beat of his own drum, to the exasperation of the many females his dad had tried to get to have a "female touch" in his son's life. They were stupid, all of them. The only females he liked were the ones his age.

One of these females, the golden haired Sierra, stopped Xander. She batted her eyes at him, and said, "I'm so nervous, Xander! I can't think straight. I'm scared if I'm chosen… I never killed anyone before."

"You know…" Xander leaned in for a kiss and huskily whispered in her ear, "I can take care of those nerves, if you like." A nervous giggle, and then "Why not? We have a few hours."

Sierra tossed her blonde hair and asked, "Now?"

"Mhmm." Xander winked and merely pulled her to the chain link fence, and dragged her through the hidden hole into the forest. Finding his usual spot, he laid her down on the blanket he'd smuggled there one night. He kissed her, and made love to her passionately.

The girl sighed in bliss when he was done with her. "Thank you, Xander. No one can do it quite like you can. Oh, Nikki was asking for you too. Can she meet you here?"

Xander laughed and told her, "Yeah, I can do that. She nervous too?"

Swatting him, Sierra asked, "Are you ever serious about any girl, Xander?" He paused and looked at her.

Almost apologetically, he answered, "Not at the moment, Sierra. I like you. I like the others too. But I haven't met the one yet that steadies me. But maybe I have to grow up some more first. I'm just too wild to be serious. Someone will tame me one day, I'm sure."

Sierra sighed, and kissed him again. She got dressed and looked at him one more time before leaving. Xander didn't have to wait under the tree naked too long before he spied Nikki coming to him. He grinned at her, and satisfied her as well. But after, he looked at the sky. Shit. It was getting late. Xander reluctantly got dressed again and hurried with Nikki to the square.

Everyone was gathered there already. Xander inwardly groaned at the big fuss being made. He wished again he could just end the whole thing in one sword fight. Then there would be no need for all this ridiculous fanfare. And he'd start with that bitch Grecia, Ten's escort. Her grating tone trumpeted, as usual, "Ladies first!" She dug into the glass ball with the names and announced, "Daisy Grant." Everyone murmured, as the pale faced girl stepped forward. Xander frowned. She was a twelve year old. She'd likely be dead before an hour went out in the arena. Now he waited with bated breath for the boy's name to be called out.

It was his own.

Andrew, his father, beside him sucked in a horrified breath. Xander didn't move. Not even to step forward. He rather expected this to happen… but it was still surreal. Finally the Peacekeepers came to him and nodded forward. Xander gave them one look, knowing the cameras were on him. He wasn't scared. He was suddenly awash with anger, and snapped, "Come to get your puppet, you bloody fucking bastards?"

Everyone stilled at his outburst, but his father only whispered, "Please, Xander."

The Peacekeepers weren't happy though. They knew him all too well, and grabbed him hard. Xander managed to punch one before they dragged him down. He was led away to stand beside the trembling Daisy, hands cuffed in front of him. His eyes blazed his anger, cursed them a few more times, before he was shoved into the room where he was supposed to say goodbye.

His father came with pain laced in his face. "I suppose it's pointless to ask you to behave after that display out there. Just… try to come back." He didn't say much more, and Xander said nothing. Sighing, Andrew awkwardly hugged his son, and left.

His grandfather made an even shorter visit, whispering to him, "Your grandmother left as soon as your name was called. Just as you asked her to. Don't forget everything I taught you. About you know…" he nodded significantly. But Xander still said nothing, but his eyes said everything.

When they left on the train, his mentor Lonnie Delmer stood beside him. Xander ignored him entirely. He was being taken away from his home, his district, his family. In chains, no less. Talk about fortune and glory. Xander went inside even before his town was out of sight.

Lonnie sat beside him. He was quiet and told Xander, "I'm sorry. I know it isn't easy. I'll help you. But I can't help you when you rebel like that." The boy only glared at him. He jangled his wrists at the Victor, "Gonna get these fucking things off?" His mentor hesitated, but asked, "Are you going to refrain from punching people? If so, I'll talk to the Peacekeepers into freeing you. You're a lot of trouble. They have a reason to not trust you."

The young man glared at him but nodded. "Fine. I'll keep my fists to myself. But I **will not** refrain from speaking my mind. So there."

The mentor groaned, but went and after a long pleading talk, got someone to take the wrist chains off Xander. He spent the rest of that train ride watching the reapings of the other districts. He noted carefully each tribute, and tried to commit to memory each one. There was the girl from 8...she looked big and strong with fire in her eyes. The boy from 5 who looked like a tank, but Xander already noted a nervous tic. He was a coward after all. The girl from 4 who was his age...no wait...there was a bit of confusion there. There was another girl, her sister likely, who volunteered in her stead. Xander studied this girl. Her fierce expression caught his attention. He couldn't explain it, but this one might be one to watch. Volunteers usually were...they had a purpose, a drive in them. Xander wrinkled his nose at the boy from that district. He disliked the look in his eye, but noted the quick moment between the boy and girl. Hm. Friends? More than? Or faking it for the cameras?

Xander didn't pig out on the food he was given. He knew enough to eat only what he needed, with one treat or two on the side. It was only the Capitol's way of saying this whole thing was one big party. As if. He kept away from Daisy and Lonnie. Daisy seemed afraid of him, anyway. The mentor tried to reach him, but Xander only growled at him. Eventually Lonnie gave up for now. Better to not get punched out on the train ride into the Capitol, which Xander seemed perfectly willing to do, if angered enough.

When they finally arrived at the Capitol, people flooded in from all directions to see the tributes. He noted many looking his way. Xander shook his head. It was only them wanting to see the rebel. The only one who'd protested in such a manner this year. Or in any other year, to be honest. He put on his bad boy exterior and grinned at a few girls. Lifting his shirt and cocking an eye at them, he made them scream and swoon as they got an eyeful of his muscles. Now Xander did laugh. Girls were all the same everywhere. Even in this phoney Capitol. He could milk that for all he was worth. He nodded in satisfaction as he was led away, ignoring Lonnie rolling his eyes at him.

Later, he had a chance to see the other tributes. He watched them all carefully, but the one that caught his eye was the girl from 4. Sera. Now she was interesting. He felt drawn to her in a way that he never did before. But Xander said nothing. Only watched. She had a distinct way about her. Something told him that she might understand the whispers going about. He'd have to see.

Xander observed when he saw an Official go through a door. He paused just long enough to see the code punched in, and grinned to himself. They can try to keep him down all they liked. Xander knew perfectly well what lay out that door. Outside. And not far from there, the stables. His father had told him plenty of times about the nice facilities their beautiful horses went to, and Xander knew he could find it with no trouble. He'd go tonight. And every night. They might watch him during the day, but not at night. And what could they do anyway? Kill him? That was going to happen anyway. Flog him? That had _already_ happened. Chain him? Well, yes. Okay, that could happen.

He shrugged his thoughts away and bumped into an Avox. He looked closely at him, for he seemed familiar. But Xander knew him. He cocked his head and said, "So...you're still around. You'll be glad to know I'm a tribute. You'll get to cheer my death since I taught you that… song. But oh, right, you can't cheer anymore. Never mind then."

The Avox glared at him in fury, but resolutely walked away. Xander got in some more cutting remarks to other people before Lonnie bodily dragged him away before District 10's tribute could be murdered before going into the arena. "When are you going to shut up?"

Xander's only answer was, "When I'm dead." That silenced the older man and he said nothing more.

* * *

Xander made his way back to his room after his last session with Sera. He really liked her. Not just for the sex… though that was pretty awesome. What would his father say if he knew that his son was bedding another tribute before the Games? He would die on the spot likely, though he did know his son was a player and had despaired of breaking him of that. He had hoped Xander would find a nice girl to settle down with, the same as he had his wife. But Xander was too wild. Too free spirited. He hated this whole thing with a passion. He fell asleep cursing Snow once again.

When he woke again, he knew it was the day of the interviews. The day he'd have to get people on his side. As if they really cared about him. What he'd _really_ like to do was just tell them all to go to hell, but he'd already pretty much done that at his reaping. Now he had to play nice.

Daisy came to him early that morning. She looked frightened, the poor girl. Xander watched her a moment. If she were older, he could help her out. But as it was, there wasn't a whole lot he could do. But she surprised him and hugged him fiercely. Xander remembered now she had an older brother who she was really close to. She needed that now. He allowed her to hug him, but he didn't return it. All he told her was, "Do your best."

She looked up at him with teary eyes and said hesitantly, "Everyone says to stay away from you. You're someone who is bad. You cuss too much. You do things you shouldn't. But you know what? I think inside, you're a nice guy."

Xander blew a breath out and stared at her. _Out of the mouth of babes…_ He shook that thought away and curtly told her, "Get lost." But he paused as the girl left, "Hey? Thanks." Daisy was startled but smiled widely. Then she was gone.

He went down when it was time for interviews. His stylist had dresses him in a brown suit, the same colour as Pearl's rich hide, with a blue accent strip that was the same colour as his eyes. At Xander's request, he wore a white tee under the jacket. Satisfied with the young man who was one of the hottest ones he had seen in a long time, the stylist grinned, "Go get them, tiger."

Lonnie had given him a severe talking to beforehand. He made him swear up and down not to say anything aggressive or use curse words. Xander growled, but knew that Lonnie was right. He had to win the crowd. In all honesty, that shouldn't be too hard. He could do this.

Xander was glad he had bumped into Sera. His heart jumped when he saw how beautiful she was. If only… but there was no time. However, the brief contact steadied him, focusing him on what he needed to do. He watched carefully everyone's interview, but Sera's the most. He groaned when he heard about her sister. _Of course. He should have seen that. Now it made sense._ Xander smirked as the crowd was swayed by pity. Might do it.

Finally, _finally_, Xander heard his name announced. He stood up, and sauntered in a very relaxed manner on stage.

Caesar settled himself into the chair across from Xander and gave him a long look before saying, "Welcome to the Capitol. I must say that you are an interesting one. How are you liking it in the Capitol so far?"

"Ah, now. It's nice. I could get used to it. Only one thing bothering me though." He cocked his head to the crowd. "It's hot! Okay with you if I take this jacket off?" The crowd murmured assent so Xander stood up, and shrugged it off. The white shirt underneath was tight and left little to the imagination, showing off his muscles and deep tan. "Yeah, aren't you hot in here?" He asked, gesturing the question. The girls started screaming in glee. Settling down again, he smirked at Ceasar, "Guess they are too."

Caesar laughed and said, "You must be very popular with the ladies back home. Now tell us, is there anyone special in your life that is waiting for you back home?"

Xander smiled sexily, "I am popular, but nope. I'm totally single. Only thing waiting for me is a very pretty black mare. I can ride well, you know." Xander gave a wink to some girl in front, and finished, "And not just horses." That started the screaming again.

Chuckling, Caesar shook his head, then hesitated for the next question. "Your reaping was...certainly interesting. Could you comment on that?"

"Oh that?" Xander didn't even pause as he answered, "Ah. I do have a short temper. But it's all good." Glancing out at the crowd, he said, "Probably looked _real_ sexy, didn't it?" The girls went wild at that, and Xander smiled at them.

Caesar decided to move on and asked him a few more questions to get him to tell them about himself more before the interview was done. Xander had gone along with him, and played the part of a sexy bad boy, and it was obvious the ladies were falling for him. At last it was time to go, and he waved one more time, grinning at the swooning girls. But Xander's eyes were not on them, but locked eyes with Sera. He gave a slight nod, then took his seat again.

That night, Xander was delighted when Sera joined him. He was more than happy to take her then and there. Tomorrow was another day. Tonight, there were only two people in the world that mattered… himself and the beautiful Sera. He wanted to tell her how he felt. Never in his short life had he ever truly had a connection with a girl like he did with Sera. She wasn't the prettiest one he'd been with, but the undercurrent of love and desire were undeniable.

_Love?_

Yes. Xander had to admit to himself. It was true. And this was a turnabout. He'd never been truly loved. He'd been loved for his looks, he'd been loved for his body, and what he could do with it. It was hard for him to see that love could be unconditional, that he could be himself and have value. He needed to know that people aren't perfect and love doesn't just end with a simple fling. But the timing couldn't have been worse.

When Xander had caught Finnick, he had been angry. And jealous, another thing he hadn't felt before. It took all his self control to not pound the man. _Patience..._was what he kept telling himself. Xander did have contacts. Still, it burned him to know that Finnick was around Sera, even if not in _that_ way. But the man was with her, in her presence, touching her, talking to her...no. Xander couldn't go there. He growled to himself. If Finnick overstepped, he could easily have influenced someone to deal with Finnick. Killed him if necessary. He knew he could get a message out to a certain person who would have done it for him. They owed him. But as it was, Xander didn't have to. He believed Sera. And he knew Finnick would be scared of rocking the boat. Well, perhaps later he'd be on that boat. _The barge of the dead, someone had called it once._

Lonnie was awake when Xander came in. "How often have you been out? I know you and your tricks. This isn't the first time, is it?"

He snapped back, "None of your damned business. But if you must know… every night since we've been here."

Lonnie sighed. "Do you know the trouble you could have been in? At the very least, locked in here? Or possible kept in a cell in chains? People have been asking questions about you."

Xander looked at him at that, but asked, "And would these 'people' be Finnick?"

Lonnie was startled at the bluntness. He shook his head, "Yes, among others. If you listen to anything at all, stay away from his tribute Sera. You don't need that kind of trouble If things go wrong."

Xander's eyes flashed. "And I'm going to say fuck off. Or not...seeing that's exactly who I've been doing these last few nights."

His mentor's jaw dropped in shock. When he finally got his voice working, he asked incredulously, "Are you serious?! Xander Larose, you have **not** been having sex with her. You're just trying to get my goat."

But Xander laughed as he walked by Lonnie, "Oh yes. I have. And let me tell you...the sex was better than anything you'll ever have." With that, he shut his door in Lonnie's face with satisfaction.

He dropped off to sleep in an instant, but still rose out of habit early. He had a shower, a hearty breakfast, making sure he drank plenty of fluids, and to her surprise, took Daisy's hand. Today was the day of the Hunger Games. Xander was ready. He swore in the elevator, but a squeeze from Daisy settled him before they stepped out again. Xander smiled at her, then put his hard expression on. Time to play this chess game. Time enough to see if he was king or pawn.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the very late update, so extra long chapter for you to make up for it! :)

_Courage in danger is half the battle._

_-Plautus_

* * *

When Sera woke she was surprised to find herself a bit stiff and even tender. She took the time to stretch gingerly. Her thoughts floated to the events of last night and made her flush with embarrassment. She'd enjoyed it more than she thought - the rough sex. Gentle was better, she decided, but it _had_ been very fun. Finnick hadn't said much about it all, only offering some ice, but she had been too shy to accept it, and it hadn't been too bad.

And today was the Games.

That thought jolted everything else out of her head. Sera sat up sharply and bit her lip. Was she ready? She would not think of the possibility that today could be the day she… no. Not going there. A goal. A goal would be the best thing to think about. Today's goal would be to survive and find shelter. There. She could do that.

Quickly getting dressed, Sera hurried out of her room and nearly crashed into Levi, who grabbed her before she could fall. He didn't bother saying good morning but came right out and said, "I should have realized that there was something wrong with Ellie to make you volunteer."

That stopped her dead in her tracks and Sera could only stare at Levi with her mouth open. Something _wrong_ with her sister? She snapped, "You make it sound like a disease. Ellie is pregnant and carrying a life inside her! It's a miracle of life. Not some kind of disease."

He let out a disgusted snort, "Children are meant for nothing other than extra mouths to feed. If no one felt the need to reproduce then we wouldn't be stuck here now would we?"

"Why are you so hateful to them? What did they ever do to you? You're not that old yourself!" Sera's eyes blazed angrily as she hissed at him, "They're precious innocent beings!"

Almost casually, Levi locked eyes with her and she saw the dangerous glint in them. He was dead calm as he said, "Because they cause you nothing but pain and grief. My little sister died. She was six. She died." His hands clenched in anger as he paused and continued, "My parents took it hard. Forgot that they had a son. I already told you that I trained to become a Career to get them to notice me. It worked, sort of."

At his next pause, Sera remembered Levi's older brother. He had dated her then suddenly Ellie had broken up with him. Did this hatred have something to do with that? She wasn't sure… Ellie had refused to talk much about it. Her thoughts were pulled away with Levi's threatening whisper, "I'll win this Game, Sera. And when I do… I'll be making your family go through the same pain that my parents and I did when we lost my sister."

Sera's breath hitched but she wouldn't let him rattle her. Or at least show him she was. For all he knew he could be the first one down. Nevertheless, her voice was quietly determined as she said, "I won't let you do that. I'll go down fighting."

Levi's laugh echoed throughout the room as he walked out. Sera puffed out a shaky breath to steady herself. Levi was… Levi. Sometimes interesting. Sometimes mean. Sometimes a crack would show in that shield. Most times he was all thorns.

Isabelle motioned her to the table with a brave smile pasted on her face, though Sera could see the worry in her mother's blue eyes. Her mom pointed at the food on the table and said gently, "Eat and drink as much as you can. Especially drink. You never know how much water you'll have available. Then Afterwards, you'll be heading down to Jax who will get you ready. Then it'll be time… you'll be in the Arena."

"Right, gotcha." Sera nodded grimly and made sure she filled herself fuller than usual. She hoped she wouldn't be sick from everything but the water should settle everything down soon. Jax gave her the uniform the tributes were to wear. She noted they seemed light and formfitting, but comfortable to wear. For a flashing moment, her brain froze and she wanted nothing more than to be back in the stables with Xander. She had felt safe there.

"You'll do good out there."

Sera looked up at Jax, who for once was wearing a serious expression. He nodded at her before he continued, "You have the passion inside you. A reason to fight. Most of the others do not. They're in it for the fortune and glory. You are not. That gives you an edge over them. Use it to your advantage."

"Thank you, Jax," was all she could say for the moment. A thought flashed into her head of how hard this moment must be for all the people who worked with the tributes. In a short time, some formed such close bonds with the tributes in their care. She hesitated but Jax knew what she wanted and gave her a firm hug. "It's time, Seraphina. Good luck."

The glass tube stood before her and Sera sucked in a breath. Was she prepared? Her life was going to change, that much she knew, the moment she stepped on the platform. Actually, it had changed the second her sister's name had been called. _Oh Ellie. I hope I can do this for you. Only for you._

The door shut and she felt the strange sensation of going up into the air. _No! Let me out!_ That thought flashed into her head before she blew out a long breath. She could do this. She **had** to do this. Suddenly a bright light bathed her and she had to shade her eyes to see.

The first thing she noticed was the heat.

When she had a proper look around once her eyes adjusted to the sun, Sera couldn't help feel dread creeping into her veins. The first thing she saw was sand, heavy sand surrounding each platform and spreading out before them. The cornucopia, however, was atop a plain looking platform that was free of sand.

After noting this, Sera raised her gaze to beyond the cornucopia and saw what looked like an ancient fort with crumbling walls. Or at least what was left of a fort. There were buildings, some full, some partial, made from blasted rocks. From here she could see the inside of the fort was laid out like a maze with tunnels and corridors. Surrounding the fort was a mixture of sand and desert hardy plants with canyons on one side, sheer (but possibly climbable?) cliffs on the other. From what Sera gather, there was no water, but she knew that the gamemakers had to have some somewhere.

Focusing on a bag a few feet from her, she made a decision. She'd grab it, hope it held something good in it, then run as quick as she could to some safe spot. She was not going in the melee that would ensue around the cornucopia. That was the surefire way of getting killed right off the bat.

A glance at the others told her that Levi had a determined and dangerous look on his face. Sera dared to look over at Xander and saw his expression, calm but cold and hard, like a panther ready to spring.

Sera jumped slightly as the announcer came on loudly. "Welcome to the 68th Hunger Games! Tributes, on our countdown you may begin. May the odds forever be in you favour!" A pause, then, "Three!" Sera shifted into her position to run. "Two!" She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and leaned forward. "One!"

She ran.

Quick as a wink, Sera snatched the bag up when a body slammed into her and sent her flying. A silver flash caught her attention and Sera instinctively grabbed the knife the girl over her had. She didn't have time to think of anything else but keeping that knife from going into her. Somehow she gathered her wits together and with a shove, rolled her opponent under her, still holding the knife. The girl looked up at her with surprise, then the expression went blank. Sera stared at her for one second and realized she'd shoved the weapon into the girl's chest.

There was no time to think of it and Sera grabbed the bloody knife as her weapon. She spied a second knife nearby and snagged that too before running for cover. She could hear shouts and weapons clanging but put everyone else out of her thoughts. Right now, she just needed to get to safety.

She scrambled over some broken stones that was supposed to make up a building and dropped out of sight, panting. Sera made sure she was out of sight until the chaos died down. When things seemed to be quiet, she made the most of this opportunity to see what she scored in her bag, besides the two knives. Opening the bag, she made a mental note of the items. Rope. Meat jerky. Some other small items that weren't terribly useful. No water. No containers either.

After putting everything back into her bag and securing the knives to herself, Sera looked around. The Careers wouldn't be out hunting for people tonight, so she settled down for the night. Here seemed like a good sheltered spot with a slight overhang of rocks.

A female scream nearby rang out, then a familiar sharp voice snapped, "Shut the fuck up! You want to bring them down on you?"

Was it? Sera perked up at this voice, but grabbed one of the knives in her hands, just in case. She peeked out of her hiding spot and her heart leaped in joy as she spotted Xander and a young girl.

The girl was already injured with a nasty gash in her arm. Xander stood nearby looking at her. "Daisy, cut the noise." He turned his head carefully in every direction, gripping his sword that he had managed to snag. A small sound nearby made him shove Daisy away and he stepped forward to meet the boy from District 2. Xander stood easily, and reminded Sera of a coiled snake, just waiting for the right moment to strike. The boy rushed him with a sword too, but Xander side stepped him. He didn't even try to fight back, letting the boy get confident. It was a dance to him, and the boy seemed to think he was winning.

At last Xander got tired of this game and struck. He slashed the boy across the arm once, and as he yelped in pain and surprise, Xander had already sliced him across his jugular. He didn't live much longer. Xander looked around carefully before dragging Daisy away somewhere else safe.

Sera sighed and slid down the wall again. She dropped to the ground but she kept her hand loosely around it. The screams had died down now that it was night. She got comfortable for the night and watched as the cannons went off along with all the tributes who had died. She fell into a restless sleep and was content that she had made it through the first day. Tomorrow she would go explore and keep out of sight from anyone.

* * *

Sera's eyes snapped open when she heard a sound near her. Her knife was in her hand and she was alert. The sun hadn't come up yet, but Sera quietly scrambled up and gathered her stuff. There was no point in staying here any longer.

Putting the other knife in her boot, Sera grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Today she must find water. That would be the telling thing in this Game, she knew. Sera moved away from the sound and through the ruined building. Outside, she now saw a boy, one of the younger ones. A threat. But then again, he had done nothing. Could she really kill him? Should she just move along?

Her mother's advice rang in her head. She needed to survive. Sera sucked in a breath. Her emotions could not rule her now. Or her morals. She needed to survive. Get through today.

Creeping forward, Sera stalked the boy. Her knife raised. The blade flashed in the light. She was about to mimic Xander's throat slit when the boy turned around.

Everything happened quickly after that. She brought the knife down into his shoulder deeply instead. He retaliated with his own knife but missed Sera by inches - though he did make her accidentally drop her other knife. Yanking her knife out of his shoulder, he threw it at her. She sidestepped him, hooked her foot around his own and spun him around. When he fell, Sera dived for her weapon, but he grabbed her ankle.

Sera yelped in surprise, then cried out when a sharp pain dug into her leg. Cursing, she brought her other foot back and smashed it into the guy's face. She heard a yowl of pain and her ankle was freed. But then the boy landed on her heavily. Struggling to get away, Sera grunted and watched with dread as the boy picked her knife up and spun it in his hands. He turned to her with a cruel grin.. "This is what you are looking for? This knife to kill me with? Too bad."

He was wasting breath with talking. Sera sat up onto her knees and moved her hand slowly to her boot. She waited for the right moment to strike. When he had his knife arm raised, Sera whipped out her second weapon from her boot and plunged it into her target: his heart.

The boy stumbled a bit, the knife slipping from his hands, before he landed on the ground. Sera watched carefully to make sure he was dead. The cannon sounded, confirming it.

Ignoring the pool of blood soaking into the ground, Sera gathered both knives and turned to go. She nearly fell from the pain of her injured leg but pushed herself to walk. She was alive. That's all that mattered.

Then she heard footsteps coming from her left. Her knife was up and ready when she found herself face-to-face with Xander.

His eyes were blazing with battle fire but he cocked his head at her. "I'm no danger to you, Princess. You did good. You're safe with me."

Sera kept the knife pointed at him and shook her head. "No. I saw what you did with that boy last night. Lulled him into a false sense of security and then kill him. I'm not going to fall for that."

He raised an eyebrow, but gave a wry smile. "He hurt Daisy. It was only fair that I got him back. Too bad I lost Daisy anyway." He sighed sadly and looked away, an act of trust. "I did tell you I would be surprised if she made it to the second day. Well, it wasn't for lack of trying."

Sera eyed him warily. They might have had sex a few times, but things changed in the arena and she really couldn't risk it. She hesitated when she heard arrogant talking nearby, and cursed. "Fuck! They're out hunting already!"

Xander swore himself and grabbed Sera by the arm to push her towards a hiding spot. Realizing they'd look there, he dragged her away to part of a crumbling building. Giving it a good look, he hissed, "Climb! Those jackasses would never think to look on the roof."

Glancing behind, she hissed at him, "Give me a boost up. I'll be quick and then help you up."

Xander instantly took her ankle and bent her leg. Grabbing her knee, he used it as leverage to boost Sera up. It was a practiced move, from years of giving riders a leg up on their horses. Once she was on the roof, Xander gave one more look, backed away and got in a running start. He gave a great leap, caught the roof edge and Sera's hand. When she pulled him the rest of the way, he snapped, "Flatten!"

Sera quickly laid down on her back and bit her lip. She could hear them coming and stopping at the building they were on top of. The tributes called out nasty threats as they scouted on the ground. When they didn't find anything, they moved on. At last it was safe. Sera sighed in relief and muttered, "Thanks."

He grinned at her, then sat up to study Sera. He ran a hand over her leg from ankle to hip, stopping at her groin. Smirking at her, he asked, "So… how are you feeling? A little… stiff?"

Sera ignored the pleasure his hand evoked and stood up, shoving him away. She walked over to the edge of the roof to peer down, snapping at him, "Can't you be serious for once?! Now is not the time to be thinking about stuff like that."

Xander gave a low chuckle. "Seems I have my answer if you're cranky. Hope you did my ice trick. But anyway, what do you say to getting the hell out of here?" He glanced around and added, "We need to get off this roof first, of course."

Nodding, Sera swung her legs over the edge. "Help me down."

"Of course, princess." Xander grabbed both her hands and lay down on the roof. Gently, he lowered her to the ground, grunting with effort from the awkward position. Once she was down, Xander jumped next to her, nearly stumbling into the dirt but righting himself at the last moment.

"You should be careful, Xander. My leg is hurt already, and if we're going to be in alliance, I don't want my partner to get injured on his legs either."

Xander stared at her. A slow smile grew on his face. "Are you saying we are in an alliance? Yeah?"

Nervously, Sera glanced around and snapped, "Yes! We can talk when we're safe. Levi's going to be out for me and I don't want to be close to wherever he decided to hole up. We need to find some place to lay low for the rest of the day and night. I want to check my wound to see how bad it is."

"Yup." Xander squinted at her leg and sighed. Wordlessly he led the way, picking a direction at random. They made it across the "village" and found a certain spot that made them look closer. Xander whispered, "I think this rock moves. Looks like a hidden room. Help me push."

Sera scrunched her nose up and asked him like he was stupid. "You want to open it? What if there's a mutant in there! We'll both be dead then!"

Snorting he said, "We'll be dead if we don't find a hidden spot. And I don't know about you, but I'd rather die by mutant than tribute. So stop complaining and let's move this bloody thing."

Giving him a deadly glare, Sera let out a small growl but moved to help him push it. They grunted, but managed to move it just enough to expose a hole to crawl through. Xander checked it out first and reported, "There's a whole damn tunnel system. But I think safe enough for now."

Sera sighed, but nodded. "We'll stay near the entrance for today and night… just to see what's going to happen and find out who died. We'll explore the rest of it tomorrow. Sound good?"

"That suits me fine. Seems like a good spot until tomorrow. Sera, you have no idea how glad I am I ran into you!" he said happily.

She didn't reply just yet, crawling into the tunnel. Once she was settled down, her voice held a note of embarrassment. "I am glad to see you too. Um, the tunnel goes down hill. I'm going to have to lean against you for the night. There's not enough room for both of us to fit."

Xander smirked. "And you think I would have a problem with that? Might be best for warmth too. The desert might be hot by day, but it's cold at night. Sure was last night, anyway. Cuddles would be just the thing."

Sera flushed hotly.. "Just get in here," was the only thing she said.

He was by her in a flash and laid next to her. His warm breath was by her ear and he put an arm around her. He also bumped hips significantly, and he managed to suppress a soft groan, but the intake of breath was audible.

Sera let out a small grunt when she felt him against her. Struggling to turn around to face him, she was afraid she made things a bit worse for them both by the time she did. "Sorry. It wasn't very comfortable the other way," she muttered. Letting her hand entwine with the one that was around her, Sera pressed closer to him, so that there was no space between their bodies, and whispered, "I actually missed you last night."

The soft answer came, "So did I. I was lonely after Daisy's death. I wished for you."

Sera released a breath and asked as softly, "In what way? And why?"

Xander replied quietly, "I enjoyed having you around. You understand me, in a way no one else ever did. Or that I was willing to share. Thank you for that."

"You have nothing to thank me for.".

"The cannons should be firing soon. We need to keep track of how many are left. Besides us, obviously," Xander said with a slight bite in his voice.

Sera squirmed against him while trying to get comfy again without turning back around. Giving up, she complained, "The ground is too hard." She played with Xander's fingers as her other hand twirled Ellie's necklace. "None of this was supposed to happen. I wish I was never given a reason to be here. It was Ellie's last year. My second to last."

Xander sighed and answered quietly, "It was my last year too, but I wasn't sure they'd let things… slide… if I hadn't been chosen. I'm quite sure it would have been this or something else. I think I would have rather have picked the something else." He gave a huff of annoyance.

"Do you regret coming here?" she asked softly.

A sharp look at her but then he settled. "It just may help things along. I don't want to say much. They are likely listening. But if my sacrifice helps the world, then so be it." Xander snarled at that last statement, and felt the old anger coursing through him.

Sera tilted her head back and touched his cheek gently to get his attention. Still speaking softly, she said, "That's not what I meant. I meant do you regret coming here and meeting m… everyone?"

He put his hand on hers and hoarsely said, "No. I have found the best thing in my life. And when I am with that special thing, nothing matters. Time stops entirely."

Things were turning serious real quick. Her heart pounded faster and she felt warmth at his words. She studied him and said with a thick voice, "Things like that can't happen… not in such a short time."

A deep sigh blew out from Xander's lips. He smiled, and it reached the depths of his blue eyes as he tried to explain, "You know what? I never believed in love at first sight. In fact I never believed in it at all. However, I do believe in seeing someone from across the room and knowing instantly that they're going to matter to you. So take that as you will." He gave her hand a squeeze, then turned away.

Sera felt tears fall down her cheeks and she told him, "If a situation arises where I have to choose between me or you...I'll choose me. I'm fighting for my family and I won't let them down. Even if it means I get hurt in the process."

Xander nodded and told her, "And I'm fighting for freedom. But if that happens, go ahead and kill me. You'll have a better chance than me. I'm only a rebel anyway." He gave a smirk at that, even if his eyes were expressionless.

Sera nodded and let her head rest against his chest. She didn't know why her heart felt heavy or why she was as upset as she was, but she would do whatever it took to get back to her family.

A song rang through the air: the Anthem playing. Xander perked up and said, "Hey, I'll go look and see who was killed today. Then we can plan for tomorrow." He scooted off through the tunnel. The only sounds were cannon shots. Soon he was back and reported, "Five today. The girl from 3, boy from 8, both from nine, and girl from 12." He paused and thoughtfully said, "Okay, let me get this straight. That leaves 11 alive. Both from 1, girl from 2, boy from 3, both from 4, girl from 5, boy from 7, me from 10, girl from 11, and boy from 12." Scrunching up his nose, he gave a nod, "Yup, that's right. I have a good head for these things. Counting foals, heh."

At the mention of the dead tributes, Sera felt her breath hitch as the images of the two she had killed came to mind. Her gaze went down to her hands, where there was now, the dried blood of both of them. They stained her and she knew that they would haunt her forever. She had only hesitated slightly with the boy, but she had done what was needed. By now, her vision was blurry, she was shaking uncontrollably, and she was finding it hard to breathe. The guilt consumed her. They had families, friends, people that loved them… that were waiting for them to come home and she took that away from them. That thought was what broke her. She started sobbing, but cupped her face to be quiet. She didn't want to bring anything down on them.

Xander put a hand on Sera's arm and worriedly pulled her into him. "Hey. Shhh, you're okay… shhh. What's wrong?"

"They had… people… waiting for them… back home." Sera sobbed. "And I **killed **two of them! Taking away their chance to make it home."

Sighing, Xander rubbed her arm, then cupped Sera's chin and made her look at him. Firmly he told her, "Yes. You did. So did I. It's done. We move on."

"How can you be so… callous…. heartless… about this? You took people's lives!" Sera whispered angrily.

He hissed back, "Yes I did! I gotta play this game, so I am! You saw me. I made a game out of it… toying with him. I don't see them as _people. _Only enemies." Xander showed the old defiance in his eyes and manner.

Sera glared up at him with eyes blazing in anger. "They may be our enemies, but they **are** people! Toying with them like some kind of cat and mouse game… that's vile! You act exactly like how the Careers act."

Xander flared at that and spat, "Do not **even try** to put me with the Careers! Stupid fakers who think know it all!" He gave a snarl with the next insult, "Brown nosers!"

Sera felt pure anger flood in her at the last insult. She may not like them or agree with their methods, but she knew they were dangerously smart, cunning, and overall just dangerous. They weren't to be messed with. Which is why Xander wasn't expecting it when her fist came up and got him in the face with her punch.

Pulling away from him, she said deadly calm, "Don't you ever talk that way about them. Some of them **are different.** They have their own reasons, some for good and some for not, but they mostly are forced in one way or another to go through it. It's in their upbringing. And some do it just out of curiosity or because of an interest they have that leads to it." She paused before saying quietly, "Not all of them are horrible and cruel. They did exactly like you're doing. Playing a game."

Xander puffed out a breath, still angry. He stared her in the eyes before saying, "And I'm sure they didn't get treated like slaves like the rest of us poor suckers do. But that's okay. One thing about that is we get underestimated. And that rolls in our favour."

"True, but they get the most sponsors which means they're more likely to get better things to survive," Sera pointed out. "But that's not the point. You want to be treated right, to have your freedom, then try showing some compassion and morals instead of acting like you do. It'll take you a long way."

"Yeah, a long way to going crazy," He answered back. Sighing again, Xander put his head back on the ground. In a quiet voice, he admitted, "I knew Daisy wouldn't make it to the second day. I wasn't going to even try to help. But she… she told me… it was before we went into the arena. She saw through me. And said I was a nice guy inside. I tried. I really did. But it wasn't enough. So yeah, I was _more_ than happy to destroy them. It made me… feel better. To cut his jugular and see his life flow away… I was… **am** satisfied."

Sera stared at him with a mixture of disgust and something else. So, Xander did have a softer side. She didn't comment on either of those things and just said quietly, "That is a very dangerous thing to be feeling."

Looking at her, Xander smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Perhaps so. But if you don't live on the edge, you'll never see the view."

"You're going to get yourself, and everyone you love, killed with that kind of view. Is that what you are aiming for?" Sera whispered in dismay.

He reached for Sera, and brushed her cheek lightly. "I'm aiming for something I'm not likely to get. Freedom. But it's dangerous. But I'd rather live in dangerous freedom than peaceful slavery." He told her calmly, and looked up knowing he was being watched. He hoped his message was being spread far and wide.

Sera shook her head at him. She wasn't going to get into that conversation while they were being watched closely. She already had it out for her, she didn't need another reason on top of it. For herself and her mom's sanity. Instead she asked quietly with a half-dead voice, not mad, guilty, or upset, she was just tired and numb. "How is sleeping going to work? Take shifts or what?"

A laugh, and Xander pulled Sera so her head was on his lap. "That's how. I'll watch a while. You sleep. I'm up insanely early anyway, so I'll sleep too in a bit. I do think most will sleep tonight anyway."

Sera sighed and chided him lightly, "You still need to sleep. Wake me up when it's my turn. We're both going to need the rest."

"Have you ever… no, you haven't. I've been on mare watch. They like to give birth in the middle of the night. Long since learned to sleep with one ear cocked. Don't worry about me. I'll get my rest too." Xander leaned down and gave a soft kiss before dropping down on his back. He hesitated, then moved Sera up a little, with a smirk in his voice, "Sorry. You were kind of… on my… yeah. Don't want to get me going again, right?"

Sera snorted sleepily and muttered, "You really do think with your other brain."

Xander watched her fall asleep and sighed. He cursed the Games again, but not out loud. He knew perfectly well he was being watched. He listened for a long while, but didn't hear anything suspicious. At last he too fell asleep to Sera's calming breaths and her heartbeat.


	12. Chapter 12

_Sometimes you have to choose between a bunch of wrong choices and no right ones. You just have to choose which ones feels the least wrong._

\- Colleen Hoover

* * *

Morning brought one thing to Sera: pain. Her leg felt like it was on fire. Groaning, she sat up to look at what was wrong with it and blinked in surprise at the injury. What happened? Turning her head she froze. She was in a _very_ personal position with Xander, her head resting on his chest and her legs entwined with his. About to pull away in embarrassment, Sera paused to look at him, ignoring the throbbing leg for the moment. Xander looked so different when he slept. He was at peace. His walls weren't up. She also had to admit she was liking this a lot more than she should. He was, or would be, the enemy! Sera could only imagine what her mother and Finnick were thinking, but they weren't here, were they? Only Sera could make her own choices about what she did here. The only thing she knew was she couldn't fall for him. She refused to do it. But she suspected it was happening all the same, especially now as she saw him for the first time without that hard look he always had.

At last Sera decided to really sit up and see what was going on. She needed to check out her leg anyways. Biting back a gasp of pain when she tried to stand up gingerly, Sera moved as quietly as she could away from Xander, loathe to disturb him. She hobbled out into the sunshine, taking a good look around first before emerging from the hiding spot.

Her leg wasn't great. At all. It was redder than usual and very sore. The air was hot already this morning and Sera walked around gingerly, testing out her leg. She was in no shape to run, and this worried her. There seemed to be no one about and she assumed by now the tributes were spread out over the Arena. How was she going to survive on a bum leg?

An oddly familiar tinkling sound ran out in the silence.

Sera drew back to the rocks in case this was a trap. Something was falling out of the sky. She squinted against the brightness curiously and saw a parachute with a small steel box falling down towards her. Grabbing the box, Sera grinned. A sponsor! Hope flooded her when she saw very familiar handwriting.

_Use this wisely. You know what to do. Love, Mom._

To get a gift on the third day in the arena was a blessing and Sera didn't care how poor it was or what it was. It meant that she had at least a few sponsors or that her mother and Finnick were doing great jobs of getting her some sympathy.

Limping back next to the entrance, Sera settled herself carefully on the dirt to open up the box. A small laugh escaped her as she saw the contents. There was a needle, some thread, bandages, and what looked like two small drinking containers. She inspected the objects carefully and thanked her mom for getting her this. Most of this stuff could be used on her leg. The needle and thread to stitch it up and the bandages to wrap it. She was about to go ahead and use them but hesitated at the last moment. Could she really stitch up her own leg?

First of all, it should be cleaned out of the dirt it had gotten. That meant water. But as yet, there was no water to be found, or at least, none around here.

Sighing, Sera let her head hit the rock wall. She needed water to rinse out the dirt but there was no water that could be found. At least from where she could see and it wasn't like she had the energy to go and explore about. Getting aggravated, Sera cursed under her breath. There had to be another way to get water!

She longed to see the rich green vegetation she was used to at home. Here there nothing but some scrubby little plants and some large prickly ones. Wait a minute. Sera looked closer at the imposing needle plants. It wasn't something she had seen before but at once the instructor at the plants station echoed in her head. This was a cactus, plural being cacti.

They would carry water inside. The Gamemakers would have made sure of that. Quickly, Sera drew one of her knives and stabbed the cactus, raking it downwards. Water! Water started to drip out and Sera was able to get one of her containers to catch it. Next time she'd make a better cut but for now, she was just happy to be able to fill her container. The next slice was better and the second container was soon filled.

Sera grinned at this stroke of luck. The first container she could use for washing out her wound and the second for drinking. Wait. What about Xander? Her first thought was: hide it away from Xander. This made her stomach turn uncomfortably. It didn't feel right _not _to share with him. They were a team and she did need him alive to help her. With those thoughts she came to a decision. She _would_ share it with him and get him to stitch her leg back up. Packing everything up, Sera slowly made her way back to the small cave.

* * *

Xander woke up and instantly was wary. It was not often he slept late. Where were the horses? Then everything hit him and he cursed aloud quietly. He looked for Sera, but she was gone. He wondered if she had abandoned him or what. Deciding to be on the side of caution, he had his sword on his hand even before he got up.

A sound at the entrance! He'd show whoever was coming what for. He waited until he saw a head emerge and instantly pressed the blade against the throat of the enemy.

Sera felt the cold metal on her throat and said warily, "I thought you said you weren't any danger to me. Change your mind already?" Her hand gripped the handle of the knife tightly, ready to use it in case.

Blinking in surprise, Xander withdrew, apologizing, "Sorry, Princess. Didn't know who it was. Leaped before I looked."

Sera huffed but nodded in understanding. One couldn't be too careful in the arena and he had done the right thing. Good thing he hadn't actually struck. She wiggle in all the way and stood up inside, but cried out when she put too much weight on her bad leg. Limping past him, she sank down to the ground hard and panted lightly from the pain.

"Hey, that doesn't sound good, Sera. Let me look at that and see what I can do," Xander said in a voice of concern. He eyed her. If she was really hurt, it wouldn't help either of their causes.

She hesitated before shoving the box over to him and stretching her leg out, "I got that from my mom today. I put water in the container to wash out the dirt from the wound. I'm going to need you to do the rest."

Xander took in the contents of the box. He chose not to comment but sat down and pulled her leg onto his lap. "Okay, this is doable. I've done stitching before, but on a horse. And we drug them to the gills so they don't bite or kick. Um. I don't see any of that here. So, you need to bite something," he warned her.

Digging through her bag, Sera brought out the rope. It would have to do for now. "I know that there isn't much in that box, but it had what I need to make sure the wound doesn't stay open." She bit down on the rope and shut her eyes tightly.

To keep things light, Xander told her, "And here I thought you might bite me. Not that I would have minded too much." He chuckled at her as he started washing the wound as well as he could. When done, he checked the edges. "Looks good." He tied off the thread he would need and got the needle ready. "Curse as much as you like. Hang on to whatever you want as long as it isn't my arm. I'll try to keep talking as we go. Ready?"

Sera dug her hands into the ground and gave him a nod. When he started she let out a yelp of pain and tried to jerk her leg away.

Xander had been expecting that. "Oh no you don't." He grabbed at her leg and straddled her body. He just needed her immobile. Now he continued his work firmly.

Sera squeezed her eyes shut tightly and bit the rope hard. Her hands had curled through the dirt and were digging into her palms. She didn't make any noise of pain as he stitched her other than silent tears that fell. Finally he was done. Spitting out the rope, she rasped out, "Thanks for doing that. I wouldn't have been able to."

He smiled and said, "No problem. Did I ever tell you of when I got beat up by a bunch of older boys? I was in bad shape after. They broke my arm, and then the doc set it. I just about bit his head off. He didn't wait long enough for any meds to kick in."

Snorting quietly, Sera grabbed his arm to stop him from moving when he was off of her. "I mean it. Thank you for everything that you're doing and have done for me so far. Remember that always."

Xander sighed, shrugging her off. His walls were up again. He looked at the remaining water and asked, "Is that for me? Or am I fending for myself?"

Glancing at it, Sera told him, "Pour the rest of it over the stitches to get the blood off." She dug around in the bag and handed him the second container of water, "This is for both of us to share until we find actual water. The cacti have just enough for now. Drink, then fill up the first container again. I don't particularly want to do that now."

Smiling faintly, he took it and sipped from it. "Sure. Thanks," was all he said. After he was refreshed and the container filled, he said, "We have to get going. Should we do the caves, or try back outside again?"

Sera had finished wrapping the bandages around her wound and placed everything back into her bag. Standing up gingerly, she winced slightly but said, "The caves. Everyone else will be on the surface."

Nodding, Xander packed up his own things and led the way. He wasn't comfortable with this, but it was the only way. He was honest and said, "I don't care for close spaces like this. But I'm okay if you're here."

Sera was a jumble of nerves. If they ran into anything down here, she was still vulnerable. Stepping closer to him,, she was equally honest, "I don't like this either. But my leg wouldn't be able to outrun a human. Especially a Career. I would be dead on the spot. At least I sorta have a chance down here."

After she said that, her bad leg slipped on some watery rocks and gave out on her. Screaming as she landed on her back, she slid down the steep, rocky hill. At last she came to a skidding stop into a huge, dark cave.

Xander instantly ran to her, and slid himself. He just managed not to step on Sera but then the boulders fell. Cursing as he moved back, one slammed into him. Thankfully it wasn't too big but he was stuck between two. "Sera? You okay?" He listened worriedly for an answer. He paused and tried to move. He was stuck. Really stuck. The old fear came back ten fold. He started to panic, "Sera! Get me out! **Now!**"

Sera had scrambled back when the boulders started falling and curled into a small corner. She wasn't sure how long it lasted for but it eventually stopped and she heard Xander calling for her. She was about to go for him when she heard something skittering on the wall above her. Freezing, Sera looked around carefully but saw nothing. Must be just her imagination. Sera got out slowly from her spot and cried out in pain. Her leg hurt! But she must find Xander.

The strange noise echoed through the cave but still there was nothing to see. Limping over to Xander, she fell down to see him. She saw his predicament and said, "I would ask if you're okay, but that looks painful. So I'll ask what can I do to help you?"

"Get me the fuck out of here!" was his instant response. The rocks were pressing in on him. Hell, the whole damn cave was pressing in on him. He bucked and thrashed but it was useless. He had to stop, panting.

Cassi watched him in worry. He was reminding her of how her mother acted sometimes when the lights would flash brightly and she would just start panicking. It normally took Mags saying something to her to get her calmed down. _Is Xander scared of closed in places or the dark? He had been fine when we were up in that small entrance… it wasn't until he was walking down into it that he said he didn't like it._

Furrowing her brows, she reached out, grabbed his face in her hands tightly, and kissed him softly. Pulling back, Sera rested her forehead against his and told him, "I'll get you out, but it won't be by pushing the boulder. I'm not strong enough and I wouldn't be able to get a good grip with my injured leg." She paused and stroked his face before brushing her thumb across his lips, "I promise you that I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to go and take a look around to see if I can find anything to help get you out." She didn't pull away, waiting for his answer and to see if he would be calm enough for her to go.

The sweat was starting to bead on his forehead. "No. Don't go. They'll come. They'll come to hurt me. Please." He seemed to be looking at something through Sera.

Chewing her lip in thought, Sera didn't know what to do. She just couldn't leave him here like this but at the same time… he would be a hindrance to her getting out. Should she leave him to die or try and help him?

She went back and forth before sighing softly. She just couldn't leave him, no matter how much she wanted too. Cupping his face and forcing him to look at her, she told him firmly but softly, "They aren't here. It's just us. And I'll come right back."

Xander finally focused on her. He came back to himself and forced a smile and kept his voice clipped, "Ah, there you are, Princess. Yeah. Be fast."

Sera nodded and grunted as she walked away from him to look for something to help move the boulders. She kept on hearing the rock noises and it was making her jumpy. And nervous. Very, very nervous and she wanted out of the cave. This had been a bad idea on her part.

She kept on walking only to come skidding to a stop when something landed in front of her. Her eyes went wide at the monster.

It was huge but slim. It had black eyes, slit for a nose, and was covered in rocks. They stared at each other before Sera let out a blood curdling scream that was followed immediately by a horrible roar from the monster. Sera fell backwards as it slammed her into a boulder. Pain shot through her back as she slid down. Then it was gone. That wasn't good. At all. She backed up into the boulders and waited.

Xander heard the sounds going on, and pushed as hard as he could to get out. He was stuck, but he **had** to get there! As in **now**. Sera was in danger! The past memories faded and he knew what he must do. Bucking and squirming he made a hollow from his feet in the dirt. A hollow? That's it! He made it bigger and finally made room enough beneath him and wriggled out. He was a mass of bruises but he had no time to be thankful he got out of his predicament. He could see the back of the monster. Drawing his sword, he attacked. The blade bounced and he got slammed into the wall. "Fuck it. Sera! We're going to have to work together!" he yelled as the monster swung on him.

Sera had managed to get away from the monster by ducking and crawling away from it when Xander had attacked it. She looked around wildly for anything. Anything at all to use or anyway out. _If there was one then there were bound to be more_, Sera thought to herself. They reminded her of sharks. Stalking and hunting their prey. Then attacking viciously.

As soon as she thought that, more shrieks echoed across the cavern. There were banging and skittering on the walls and ceiling. Even the one that had jumped on the ground was now on jumping from boulder to boulder and on the wall. They refused to go on the ground. But why? Something caught her eye and she peered closer at it. There was another opening and a familiar rushing sound. Water? But why would there be water in the cave systems and where was it coming from? Sera glanced at the rocks closely and discovered they were covered in water. Maybe these mutants didn't like the water and that they only came out when it was dry. An idea formed and Sera started making her way to the other opening before stopping.

Her eyes glanced back at Xander and she fought within herself. Ellie or Xander. Sister or Lover. Someone who meant the world to her or someone she just met? Which one was more important to her? No… they were both important to her. Equal. The questions were all wrong. She should be asking herself what would her morals allow her to do? Which one choice could she live with? Slumping and muttering an apology to Ellie for not being like her or mom, Sera spun around again and yelled back, "Xander! I have an idea. Lead the monster this way towards my voice."

He picked himself up after getting tossed once again. He heard Sera and wondering how to do it. _What the hell. _He ran towards the mutant, as if he would jump on it again. At the last second, he skidded and went through its legs to the other side where Sera was. "Right! Do it fast! He's pissed!"

Grabbing his hand, Sera ran as fast as she could to the entrance and the water. She could hear another monster behind them. Inside the next cave, they ran in a - miracles! - creek and pressed themselves against each other. There was a great inrush of water that pushed them against the cave wall.

Xander grunted but the water felt good after all. He could just see Sera and turned to look for the monsters. They had checked at the edge and shrieked. Finally after a while of poking around, they gave up and left. Xander breathed a sigh of relief and looked at Sera pressed up against them, both of them soaking wet. "Did you plan this whole thing just so I get this view?" He smirked in appreciation.

"No. Just trying to save our lives is all," Sera said with a grin. She couldn't believe that actually worked.

"Ah. Well, I love this date, but can we skip the monsters next time? They ruined the mood." He was feeling much better now that they were, temporarily, out of danger. And seeing Sera like this was, in fact, turning him on.

Sera laughed sweetly. She moved away and excitedly said, "Come on. I see a light up there. You go on up first and help me up. Then we can rest for the rest of the day and night."

Looking up, he saw it too. "Yeah, sure. Give me a boost? Be careful though."

It took a bit but she managed to get Xander up. Grabbing his hand, she let him pull her. "Well….that was fun."

He agreed and took his shirt off to wring the water from it. "And we got baths out of it too. We should fill what we can with that water. But first, this." He leaned over and kissed her hard. He was just so happy that they both made it alive.

Sera moaned into him and kissed him back. She moved her legs to straddling and pushed herself fully against him in the heat of the moment. She was just happy to with the flow for once.

Xander reveled in the feel of her against him. That fire inside of him burned hotly once again. He wanted her. So badly. He needed this. He kissed her again and went to yank Sera's pants but stopped short of actually doing it. In a ragged voice, he asked, "Um… may I?"

Sera was breathing heavily. She wanted him and she didn't care who saw or what anyone thought. Damn the consequences and Snow. _Be yourself and they'll love you. _That was what both Ellie and Finnick had said. She had done things that had kept her morals like saving him and growing attached to Xander. It scared her to feel herself falling for him when either one of them, maybe even both, would die.

She studied him closely. She needed a hint that he wasn't just using her. She didn't know what to say so stayed silent until he'd given her some clue that wouldn't confuse her anymore.

Xander breathed deeply. He looked at her and softly said, "It's okay to say no. I won't force you."

"I know you won't. I just… I'm just thinking is all." Sera whispered softly. While true that hadn't been what she was going to say to him. She had been close to telling him her realization but held it in.

He watched her expressions. Finally he reached a hand to stroke Sera's face. It was soft and tender. "Thank you… for standing by me in my moment of... weakness. Let me return the favour. You… I… I need you." For once, words failed him.

Grabbing the hand that was stroking her face, she entwined her fingers with his and leaned into his touch. Letting her eyes flutter softly, she said softly, "Okay." She couldn't bring herself to say the words he had just said. Fear and a voice in the back of her mind stopped her from doing that. But she hoped her gestures were enough of an answer for him.

Smiling in relief, Xander moved on top of her. He pushed her pants down just enough to expose the panties. He unzipped himself and pushed the panties out of the way. "Gotta keep _some _clothes on, Princess," he winked as he thrust inside Sera and started a regular rhythm.

Sera didn't make a noise but her body reacted to him. She pushed herself up more and rotated her hips. Her hands explored his chest and back. The only sounds that let him know he was having any effect on her was her breathing. It was going rougher and more laboured as they continued.

He laughed at Sera's self control. So she wanted to be quiet, did she? Well dammit, challenge accepted. He started giving butterfly kisses all over her, and ran his hands on her breasts. He also started bucking hard against her, trying to elicit something from her.

She squeezed her eyes shut and her head tilted upwards. The moan that escaped her wasn't loud. Her body arched into his body, providing warmth in the cold area, and her legs moved to entwine with his legs. Her one hand dug into his shoulder and the other one clutching at the dirt before releasing it. She finally let out a louder moan and bucked against him harder as her finish was getting closer.

It wasn't enough to satisfy Xander. He was almost there himself, but he wanted Sera to say something, beg him, anything. He didn't care about who might be watching. It was just him and Sera. The unsaid challenge between them. So he slowed down his rhythm to a soft and teasing motion. He moaned with his own need, but asked, "Do you still want me?"

"Yes," was her faint whisper in his ear.

When Sera finally came over that edge it was hard. She let out a strangled gasp and clutched at him. It was like she was in the middle of a storm out in the sea. The waves crashed into her, pushing her down, but she kept on surfacing until the storm passed and she was spent. Breathing heavily, she panted out softly, "We shouldn't have… done that. We… really shouldn't have."

Xander lay on top of Sera still, breathing deep pounding breaths. "But you… _really_… enjoyed that. So did I." He dropped his head on Sera's shoulder to collect his now scattered thoughts. They didn't move for a long time. At last, Xander looked again at her, but didn't pull away. "I should tell you why I got like that back there."

Sera blinked up at him in surprise. She hadn't been expecting him to say that and she reached up and cupped his cheek. "You don't have to. Everyone has fears. I would honestly be worried if you had never felt any fear before. Because that would mean you lost part of your humanity."

Softly, he told her, "I never told anyone. When I was young, my dad had a friend of his watch me. She'd lock me up when I was bad. Which was a lot. And she'd often get her husband to beat the hell out of me. That's why."

Sera looked up at him with sympathy. "I'm sorry she did that to you. I never knew what it was like to have anyone do that to me."

Xander smiled tightly. "Yes, you trained. You had a mother and sister. You probably had lots of people who loved and respected you. And the only hand laid on you was for training. You're lucky in some ways."

"You're wrong. Yes, I trained but it wasn't by my choice. I was forced too. Fighting was something I never wanted. Yes, I have a mother and sister. They are my world and I am theris. But I was different than them. I couldn't connect with them in ways that mattered to me. Yes, I had people who loved and respected me but it was because of my mother. Not me. It was...is the image that they have of me being a child of a victor. Someone meant to follow in our mother's footsteps. You're wrong about the hands being laid on me. I may have been respected and love… but there are those that hate everything my mother stands for. That she got to have children, two of them, while theirs were brought out here and killed brutally. The ones that though like that either had their children beat us up or they themselves came after us. Of course, the grown ups never touched us as the Peacekeepers normally saw and they were beaten or whipped. But still….that threat was always there. There is a reason not many Victor's have children or if they do its in one of the better they haven't gotten on Snow's bad side like most of them." Sera told him as a reminder to her words on not to judge the victors or her when they had first met.

Xander snapped his eyes to her at Snow's name. It was dangerous. Well, really everything was dangerous. He reluctantly pulled out and got himself decent, gently fixing Sera without a word. He spoke then, "Yes, and we've been living in fear for too long. But some of us are tired of walking on eggshells. I stopped long ago. And there are others. Others _**he**_ will not find. But they are there. Just waiting. I am not afraid of him. My scars prove that. But as you can figure out, I distrust everyone. And that started very early. To have your trust broken by those who are supposed to in charge and care for you as their own...is a terrible thing."

"Everything about this world is a terrible thing. You just have to look at the gifts that are given to you to make this world more brighter and bearable. If you don't...it just leads you down a dark road of anger and loneliness. I look to Ellie, my mom, Mags, and Finnick as the ones that make my world more brighter and bearable. In here, it's you. But you don't seem to have anyone that makes this world brighter for you. And that's the most horrible thing I can think of above all else," Sera said as she studied him in the dim light.

Unbidden to his lips came, "My grandmother." Xander sighed and was quiet and tired sounding. "She lights it up. But I never told her that. I tried to protect her from me. The day of my reaping, she feared it would happen. I told her to go if I was called. There would be no goodbyes."

Tears fell silently down Sera's face. She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze, only saying, "You're like Ellie. The last time I talked to her was in that damn room. She exploded on me, downright pissed, before she broke down crying. I can count on one hand how many times that Ellie has done that… and that scared me because I thought it meant goodbye for good." A small smile came to her lips, "I'm sure your grandmother knows what she means to you and that you mean the same to her. You can never break a bond like that."

Sera sat up and grabbed Xander's wrist. Unhooking her bracelet from her wrist, she placed it on his own wrist and said, "I know it probably won't mean much to you or your grandmother, but this is my favourite bracelet. Has a lot of meaning behind it. I want you to have it to give it to her when you get out of the Arena. Give it to her to show her what you can't tell her."

He stared at it, dumbfounded. When had _anyone_ done that for him? He shook his head, "Sera, I can't take this. You'll be the one to get back. Besides, the only thing I've ever worn on my wrists are chains."

"I want you to give it to her. My mom gave it to me to show her love for me and Ellie gave me her necklace to show her love and support and belief in me. I gave my bracelet to you because I Io… care about you and you love your grandmother more than anything. Pass it along and show how much you care about her. How much you love her. How much she means to you. Just take precious care of it," Sera said sternly. She wanted to do this for him when she knew that she wouldn't be making it back home.

Xander curled his fingers around the bracelet. He wondered at it, and _her. _Finally he nodded. "Okay. Okay. Here's how I'll take care of it." It was just long enough to go around his ankle. "There. It's safe. Won't get ripped off. Or taken." Meeting Sera's eyes, he told her without emotion, "Did you know not one girl thought of doing that for me? And for the room, I said nothing. Did nothing. I was too pissed. I left my father and grandfather with that memory."

"Then give them a new memory that shows them what you wanted to say but didn't," Sera replied back quietly.

He looked at her, then up to where he was surely being watched. Then the old fire came back to him. "Name that black filly Xena for me. And take good care of her until I get back! She's got as much fire and spirit as I do!"

Sera smiled as she watched him. It slipped off her face as her eyes went to his leg. Her fingers curled around Ellie's necklace and she prayed that Ellie understood the choice she had just made. There were no right choices in here. They were all wrong, but Sera had picked the ones that she could live with and that felt right to her. Including choosing to help Xander get home to his grandmother. He deserved it more than she did after all.

He laughed again, and kissed her, feeling like a weight had lifted off him. It would be back, he was sure, but as long as _she_ was here, he'd be okay. Despite everything. He pulled back and asked, "Well, Princess? Shall we actually look outside?"

Sera grinned at him and said, "Outside sounds a lot better than being in here."


	13. Chapter 13

_Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye._

_\- H. Jackson Brown Jr._

* * *

All Sera wanted to do was to get out of this damned cave system and back outside. No matter how dangerous outside was. It at least would have more familiar dangers than whatever the hell was down there. And her leg was really hurting her, she needed to look at it in daylight. Also Xander needed examining too after his encounter with the boulders.

Scrambling forwards, Sera had to twist sideways to get out. It hurt with her bum leg and she grunted with the effort and pain. Her wound caught on a rock that stuck on and she yelped from that. At last they were outside and Sera looked down at herself. She was dusty, including the bandages on her leg. The good news was she didn't see any dark spots on them that indicated that they were bleeding again. She looked about at the surroundings as she waited for Xander to come out. It wasn't anything specular to look at. Sand and more sand, with cacti dotting the rocky terrain. There were a few little scrubby plants but not much. There was just one thing that caught her interest and made her itch to see it closer. On the side close to the area they just escaped was a view of canyons. Where the sun was setting, cliffs rose up to meet the sky. She wondered if they were climbable and if there was more to them than they looked.

A grunt had Sera turning back to Xander. She watched with sympathy as he finally managed to get out. If she had found it hard to get through, and she was smaller than him, then it must have been harder for him by being bigger. Plus his fear of enclosed spaces probably acted up. She waited until he was fully out before saying, "I'm not sure about you, but I'm getting exhausted. What do you say to finding a place to stay for the night and then explore more when we have actual sunlight?"

He grunted once more as he finally took in a deep breath and looked about, studying things. Nodding, he agreed and started waking. Now that he was in open space, the battle hardened armour was back on him once more.

Sera sighed, but was content to let him lead. They walked in silence, and the more they walkd, the more her leg hurt. But she wouldn't say a word, not wanting to show weakness, though she limped along. Xander drew ahead and seemed to be looking around for something. The hot sun bore down on them as Sera struggled along. At first it was bearable, just a throbbing pain every time she took a step. Now, the pain was shooting through her entire frame and she gasped. In a small voice, she finally broke the silence, "I can't. I can't walk much further. It hurts."

Xander looked back at her. He'd noticed the limping but had hoped it wasn't too serious. But apparently it was worse than he thought. He cast his eyes about for a place, any place would do for some shade. He was hot and tired and for that reason, he snapped, "We passed a perfectly good place to stop an hour ago. Why the hell didn't you say anything then?"

Sera wasn't in the mood to deal with his mood swings right now. Her eyes narrowed and she snapped right back, "Because I don't have to tell you jack shit what's wrong with me if I don't want too."

He stared at her, then had to grin. "You're plucky, you know that? Not too many girls talk back to me like that. I think I like it."

"Yeah, well… get used to it. I've already told you not to judge me based off what you think of me." She was exhausted, her body hurt from being thrown around, her leg was killing her, she was hot, and she wanted to be back home with her sister. Not here fighting for her fucking life every second of the day.

After giving her a glare, Xander shrugged. Finally he spotted a large rock ahead. Perhaps that would give enough cover from the sun and prying eyes. He could dig into the dirt for the cooler soil. Deciding that's exactly what would happen, he turned back to Sera and, without further ado, scooped her up in his arms and headed towards the rock.

Sera let a small hiss escape her and she pounded her fists on his shoulders and chest. "For fucksakes, put me down! I can walk a bit more without you carrying me~ You're making me look weak!" she snapped.

He laughed and kept walking, saying in amusement, "One, we get there faster. Two, you get to get there in style. Three, don't tell me you're not enjoying this."

Sera let out a huff and gave him one more hit before muttering, "This definitely isn't style. More like kidnapping."

"Okay, I've done that. Sort of. Heh." He grinned and then plunked her down in the shade of the large rock. "Now do you think you can behave yourself while I make the place more comfy? No lace curtains unfortunately." He smirked at her while starting to dig for the cool dirt.

While he was doing that, Sera unwrapped her leg to inspect it. That didn't look good. For one, it hurt. It also was getting red. When she put her hand over it, the heat was radiating off her wound. She needed to cool it down, but with what? The sun was too hot, the sand was too hot, and there was not enough cacti water to spare. Sera decided not to say anything and worry Xander. She'd be fine. She had to be.

Xander finally emerged from under the rock. He had made a nice hollow and had also made it possible that they could see all around except for directly behind them. He came and moved Sera to the cool earth, and chuckled when she sighed in relief and fell asleep. He only stayed up long enough to see if there were any deaths today, which there were none. He guessed the tributes were now spreading out and finding new areas, just like they were. Tomorrow would be different, probably.

In the morning, Sera woke up feeling like she was in a furnace. Her leg was on fire. A soft whimper of pain escaped from her throat. She felt absolutely crappy. She was about to wake Xander when he suddenly shot up to sitting and accidentally grabbing her.

His face was a mask of hate, and he was turning the air blue with swearing. Not much was clear but that and, "Get your fucking hands off me you bastards!"

Using her free hand Sera shook him and pleaded in pain, "Xander! Wake up. You're dreaming. It's only a dream. You're hurting me."

He finally snapped out of it and looked at Sera in confusion. Glancing down at his hands he stared at them before plucking his sweat drenched shirt off his chest. Xander blew out a breath and asked, "Are you okay? Sorry if I did something. I've punched my dad before in my sleep." He sighed and rubbed his eyes, now awake.

"It's fine. You didn't hurt me that much. Do… do you want to talk about what you were dreaming about?"

That made him pause and consider whether he should tell her. With these nightmares, only his father knew about it. At last he decided there was no harm in having her know. He hesitated before lying back with Sera. In a quiet voice, he admitted, "Yeah. It's not a big deal, really. I was getting whipped again."

"Oh." Sera hesitantly started to reach out to him but dropped her hand. She studied him and knew that his walls could easily come back up with a conversation like this. So, she told him evenly, "I saw someone get whipped once and then they killed him."

Closing his eyes, Xander sighed. Finally he told her, "I once wished they would do that. But they only wanted to break me. Which won't happen. **Ever**. If I woke you, uh, you must have been treated to some of my… vocabulary." He opened his eyes and gave her a small sheepish smile.

A small smile came to Sera's lips. "Oh. It's okay. I've heard a lot of those. I live in a sea district. The sailors there have some pretty amazing curses."

He laughed at that. "My dad used to whale on me when he caught me doing that. But when he found out it was my grandfather's fault, well then. And I hung out with a lot of the rougher men. So, I learned a lot." His eyes clouded again as he said, "Which the Peacekeepers didn't like. They don't like someone who can talk back and make them look stupid."

Sera blew out a soft breath. Her leg was still throbbing something awful and bringing back memories she wanted to forget wasn't helping. But if it helped Xander in any way, then she would share it to get him to open up. "One time, there was this guy in my district who was angry at my mom and Snow because of his son not coming back from the Games. He kinda went… crazy. One day, I was at the beach by myself. I was seven. I caught him selling some fish to people, which he wasn't allowed to do. Long story short, he tried to stop me from getting away and I screamed when he caught me. He was dragging me towards the ocean and well, the Peacekeepers heard. He got whipped for his offenses but Snow found out and ordered him to die. It was terrible. The shot him." She trailed off there remembering the fear, his crazy words, the sickening sound of the whip, and then watching the bullet go through the man's head. It wasn't often that something that enormous happened in one of the bigger districts.

Xander listened to the story quietly. In a calm voice, he said, "He was lucky. With me, I curse them to the skies when they drag me to the post. Last time was the worst. I wouldn't buckle under. Sometimes I can still feel the chain on me, hear the sounds of it, and my back is on fire. Like a knife cut, but so much worse. It bruises the muscles underneath too as well as slice through them. Last time, they didn't stop until I stopped cursing them. That's why I get nightmares sometimes."

"I'm sorry." Sera lay her head on his shoulder in hopes that it would give him some comfort. Deciding now was a good time to think of something happy, she asked, "Have your father or your grandparents ever talked to you about your mom?"

Xander pondered, running his fingers on Sera's arm. "Dad wouldn't. He mourned her. She must have been very special to him. My grandmother sometimes did. I'm a lot like my mother apparently, in looks and attitude. She was sassy too. I think that's partly why dad despairs of me. He… loved that part of her, but it was too dangerous. I'm worse. I barely remember her, I was quite small." After a moment he admitted, "I remember her smile. I remember her hugging me. She smelled like flowers."

That made Sera smile. "You're lucky. I don't know my father at all. But I'm really happy you do have a few memories of her." Sera played with her necklace in thought. "I don't think your father despairs of you. More like he's very worried for you. Parents have weird ways of showing their true intentions when we remind them of someone they lost. They mean one thing but act another. They don't mean it. They're just trying to protect us so that they don't lose the remainder of what they lost."

Xander decided it was his turn for a question. "Do you have grandparents?"

"I did but they disowned my mom for having Ellie out of wedlock. It doesn't matter, they both have gone anyways."

Nodding at that, Xander replied, "I get that. I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I actually did have the babies from those girls. Would the family have accepted them? Or tried to have me care for them? Or disown both of them altogether? I'll never know. Probably that's best." He was thoughtful and quiet after that.

Sera wondered about Ellie and her baby's father. So far, her sister had kept the identity of the father secret. Their mother had been disappointed but had accepted the situation far better than her own mom before her. Well, it certainly was different for every family.

Xander watched Sera carefully. He wasn't sure what she was thinking and hesitated before asking, "How about you? Ever want kids one day? Or do you prefer going it alone like me?"

Sera smiled warmly. "Oh yes I do! I still want kids one day, if I make it through. I think that children bring so much joy and light to this world. It's why I would fight. Why I am fighting now. They're our future and we can help make it better for them. Even if it's just a little bit."

Tracing his fingers on her lips, Xander answered, "Yeah? They make me feel strange. Like Daisy. I didn't know what to do with her. Guess I'm better with the young foals than babies. They're cuter too." He let out a laugh at the thought of watching a foal figuring out its legs.

"I think you would be a good father to any of those children you might have had." Sera said quietly.

"I think that they'd just be young demons with a tongue like their dad though. Why inflict that misery on people?" was his roguish answer.

"Xander! There's more to you than that. You helped Daisy despite knowing that she would die, you comforted her I bet, and I believe if given the chance with the right girl you would be a good dad." Sera told him stubbornly. She didn't know why she was fighting so hard about this but it seemed important to let him know how she felt.

Xander shook his head. He was about to retort but then noticed in the growing light that she didn't look good. Immediately, he pressed a hand on her forehead, and swore, "Fuck it, Cass. You're burning hotter than Hades. You could have said that."

"I'm fine. I'll be alright once I get some rest," Sera told him sternly.

Pursing his lips, Xander let his eyes trail down to her leg. It was raised, and that meant it hurt. Testing it, he lightly brushed his hand over the bandages without warning to see if he got a reaction.

Her eyes snapped open wide and she let out a painful cry and jerked away from him. She fought back tears and blew out a sharp breath. "Don't touch it."

Xander's eyes flashed and he told her in a no nonsense tone, "Princess, that is fucking infected. You need medicine. As in **today**. You've got sponsors. Ask them for something." He crossed his arms, refusing to take no for an answer.

"Do you have any idea on how expensive medicine like that is? It's a lot more than any sponsor is going to be willing to pay. And trust me, Finnick is known for getting his tributes good things when they need it. If he can't get any then that means I'm shit out of luck because they're too expensive," Sera snapped at him.

Xander sighed and dropped his head in his hands. Then he told her with a hint of steel, "Then I'll get it for you."

"No," was her instant reply followed with a harsh glare. "You aren't spending your own hard earned sponsors on me. **We are enemies. We will become enemies.** There is no use in helping your enemy. I'm not important enough for you to throw it away!"

"Who said I was throwing it away? I'll give them something in return. Do you trust me?" Xander asked with a cock of his head.

"Maybe," Sera muttered. "But seriously, you don't need to help. I'll do the best I can. My mentors will come through if they can."

Sighing, Xander settled down next to Sera. "This is fast becoming an emergency. I'm giving them an hour. If there's nothing, then I will give it a shot. And I'm not going to listen to any arguing from you. Got that, _Princess?_"

"I'm not worth the trouble of saving, Xander. It'll just be more painful later on when I die." Sera told him quietly.

Cupping her chin in his hand, he firmly told her, "You're important **to me**. And who knows? You might win after all. Who wants an old rebel like me anyway?" Xander winked, then kissed her lightly before pulling away to wait the hour.

Xander looked at the sun. The hour had been up a while ago. Nothing had happened. He knew just what to do and leaned in and kissed Sera's temple, saying, "Looks like it's up to me. Watch. You might enjoy it." He winked then went to stand in the sun, checking first to see there was no one about.

Sera tried one more time to stop him. Grabbing his hand, she begged him, "Don't do this. I don't want it. It's just going to be a waste. Hell, you might not even get the medicine you need. Just leave everything alone."

Xander agreed, "You're right, I may not get it. But I say it's worth a try. And I think our ratings will go up anyway after this. So it may work in the long run. Which we may need. So, shut up and relax."

Huffing, Sera crossed her arms and glared, refusing to say anything. She wasn't sure what he was up to.

He stood up and looked at the sky. Slowly he shrugged off his shirt, letting his hands roam over his scars. Next went his pants. He wore nothing under them, and he stood in full display. Then Xander went rogish. He stroked himself to give everyone a good view and finished his strip tease. His cocky grin was on his face and he was completely relaxed and at ease with what he was doing.

Meanwhile, Sera was beet red. Whatever she thought he was gonna do, this wasn't it. She looked away embarrassed but couldn't help but sneak a look or two even if determined to not look. He was handso- no! She couldn't think of that. Why would he even do this?

At last a tinkling bell sound rang through the air. Xander grabbed at the box in mid air and opened the note. He grinned and said, "It's from my mentor. He says he doesn't want to see that ever again. So he's giving me this so I won't have to." He laughed at that and didn't bother getting dressed as he sat next to Sera.

Sera peered in the box and saw a few items. The first was one of the best pain numbing creams. The second was pills that looked like antibiotics. The last thing was a bruise cream. She snorted at this one and threw it to him. "That's for you. It'll help with your bruises. I wonder who sponsored you to get all of this? They're not the best best, but very good."

Xander caught the cream and smirked and said, "I told you, Princess. Sex can get you a lot of things. Good thing I have tons of appeal."

"About that, Xander. I know you're cocky. But you know what? Sex isn't the only thing you're good for. You don't need to sell your body - yes that's what I said - to get points. It's not the real Xander. It's this persona you've made for a long time. But… thank you. Thank you for trying and getting me the the things I need. I do appreciate it."

Xander glanced at her, an unreadable expression on his face. Then he motioned to her leg. "I'll fix it if you do the cream after. I can't reach all my spots. Or should you do me first so I can get dressed?" He asked with a grin and a look at his clothes, still out in the sun.

Rolling her eyes, Sera placed her cream on the ground and grabbed his cream, saying, "Turn around."

Chuckling, Xander did as she asked. After she had finished, he did the rest, and got dressed. Now he bent over Sera and put her leg up on his. He hesitated and then carefully started putting the cream on, saying, "I know this hurts. But it'll feel better soon. I wish I had the numbing stuff after my trips to the post though. That would have been great! And maybe a little purpose defeating, hmm."

Sera had gasped and grabbed at his leg. Clenching her teeth together she said, "Tell me about a good memory. A happier one of your family. Distract me until the pain numbs."

Xander thought a moment. Finally he said, "I liked working with my grandfather and the horses. I remember watching him with the young horses. He was so patient with them.

He'd say that you had to treat them right when they were small, so when when they're big they would trust you and do everything for you. We must not scare them, or be mean to them. Just lots of love and discipline as needed. I loved helping him. He… treated me the same as those young colts. The filly I left behind… her mother I raised too. She was a wild one too. She tried to trample my dad once, but I saved them both. She trusted me and followed me like a lamb. So dad gave her to me, and I bred her with one of our fine stallions. You should see Xena. She's perfect."

Sera smiled and relaxed. "I'm sure your Xena will be raised properly by your grandfather. He sounds like a good man. I wish I could meet them. Probably not though. We'll see how things turn out though." Sera said lightly and tested out her leg. It felt so much better and she sighed in relief.

"Sometimes, I wish my dad treated me like that. But never mind. Do you think we can get moving now?"

Sera dropped the subject and nodded. Pushing herself up, she gingerly walked a bit in the hole, testing out her leg, before pulling herself out of it. She took a few steps back before remembering the pills. Grabbing the bottle, she shook one out and swallowed it without any water. Probably not what she was supposed to do but better than not taking it.

Xander waited until she was ready. He moved off once again, this time being more aware of her pace. They had almost reached the sides of the canyon when they heard two things. Water. And voices.

Sera snapped her eyes up towards the canyon. She knew that there had to be water somewhere! The canyons were probably connected to the cave system. It would explain a lot. But a certain voice caught her attention and she scrambled backwards to get out of sight.

Instantly a knife was in her hand and she grabbed Xander, pulling him back with her, and hissed in his ear, "Levi and some of the Careers."

He swore softly, but nodded. "There's gotta be a way around them. We need the water." His sword was in his hand, ready for action. He waited a moment before saying, "Shall we try upstream or down? There's obviously a river. They can't possibly commandeer the whole damn thing."

Sera was silent as she studied the canyon. Her eyes took everything and she bit her lip. "No, they can't. But they can easily see us no matter which way we go. There's not much coverage to sneak by and they have advantage with weapons. Most of them carry ones that you can throw. As soon as they spot us, they'll attack and we'll have nowhere to go."

She blew out a breath and ran a hand through her tangled hair. "We have two options. First, we go straight, keep pressed against the rocks, and hope against hope they don't see us. Or we go back down to the caves and look for the water there and up to the river. They're connected, while yes, we would have to deal with those mutants, we would have the water to protect us mostly from them."

His answer was immediate, "There's no bloody way I'm going into those caves again. Once was enough. It's better out in the open. I'll go first. You get back fast if anything happens."

"Ugh. I don't like this plan. Too many things can happen that could go wrong. Too many possibilities of dying. But I don't want the caves either."

Xander groaned and rubbed his temples. "Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Sera, we have to face them at some time. We can keep trying to pick them off one at a time. Look, they'll have a sentry. If we can find it, we'll take it out. Then go from there."

"And how in the hell are we supposed to take out a sentry that is all the way up there. I'm good with knives, but not that good," Sera snapped.

"But I am good with a sword." Xander looked at her before saying, "Fine. You leave that to me. See if you can figure out another way while I _dispose _of whoever is there." His eyes started to blaze with the excitement of battle.

Sera grabbed his arm hard and pulled him back when voices sounded just above them. One hand tightened on her knife, while the other one stopped Xander from rushing off without a damn plan. If they were going to do this, then they were sure as hell going to do it by a plan and because he wanted a fight.

Xander's lip curled, but he stayed. He trembled with the need to go after his enemies. If it had been anyone other than Sera, they wouldn't have stayed him. As it was, he gave her a glare, but remained quiet.

Pressing herself against him, and being mindful of the voices above them, she breathed into his ear, "I have an idea, but it requires full trust on both of our parts. Can you trust me that much?"

He gave a gulping breath. Did he? He'd never trusted anyone with his life before. But he did. Not trusting himself to speak, he gave a curt nod to the only one he did trust.

Her eyes took him in and she released a breath that she had been holding. He trusted her. She would trust him with this. She would trust him with her life and her dreams of getting back home. "Okay, I'm going to need you to be patient. I'm smaller than you, but you're better at reading people. I'm going to sneak out a bit and see who's where. Then we'll come up with an actual plan. Okay?"

Xander grunted softly. He didn't like that either. But he nodded, quickly brushing a thumb on her lips before tilting his head to say _get going._

Giving him a tight smile, Sera pulled away and slipped out of sight. She was aware of her surroundings and kept her knife out. Cautiously, she peered up and took notice with a wince. Levi was sentry. That wasn't good, especially with the spear in his hands. Moving a bit more, she saw with displeasure both male tributes from district one and two. Cursing in her head, she couldn't see the two females but knew that they were around somewhere. She started to make her way back slowly to Xander to tell him what she saw.

Sera had made it three quarters of the way back when she heard feminine voices near her. Pressing out of sight, she held in her breath and hoped that they wouldn't notice her. Thankfully, they didn't and walked right by. Sera waited until their voices disappeared before getting back to Xander and leaning against the wall. That had been too close of a call.

He had been gripping his sword so hard his knuckles were white. He murmured in her ear, "I was so close to killing them if they had noticed you."

Brushing her hand across his knuckles, she smiled faintly and whispered, "I told you to trust me. I can handle myself when push comes to shove. But I did find out where everyone is."

He raised an eyebrow as she told him everything. "Okay so, they're literally acting like lions. The males guard and the females hunt. We need to take someone out. Let's do the girls. The boys will be at a loss without them."

"I agree with killing the girls first, but we need to do it carefully and quietly. If we don't, then they will make noise and bring all of the guys down on us. We can't afford to let that happen. I was thinking that we each go on one side of the canyon and take a girl each out of Levi's sight. Then after, I'll act as a distraction to get Levi's attention." She explained as her thoughts swirled.

"The only thing I don't like is you and Levi. But I can handle the others. They're wusses. Fine, if one of us gets in trouble, the other will just have to make the best of it." Xander told her firmly. He didn't want to to think about that, but it would give the other a chance of survival.

"I have a plan for Levi, but I need time to get it set up. We'll have to go back to where we were before and wait until I'm done. Then I have to sneak past them and set it up. Then we can do the actual plan. Are you okay with that?" Sera asked him softly. She knew that he wanted to go straight into action but she need to have an edge over Levi. Otherwise he would kill her on the spot.

Huffing at that, Xander had to nod. She was probably right in waiting. He wanted to get his hands on the bastard though. He said nothing as he huffed again and moved back along their track.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to sincerely apologize for my absence over the past few months. Life has been stupid crazy. I'm also working on my current novel and those stories had to take a backburner for a while. But it never meant that I abandoned them. I could never do that - ALL my stories are dear to my heart and I missed them. So, I hope you enjoy the chapter as much as I did

_Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows_.

\- Unknown

* * *

Xander allowed himself to be led back with Sera. His blood was still up, but he trusted her. Now he watched silently as she got things ready and casually fingered his sword blade as his eyes followed her.

Sera took the rope and spread it on the ground, not minding Xander watching her every move. She'd explain soon enough, right now she just needed to see if she had enough rope for her net idea. It looked like it. Grabbing a knife, she cut the rope in half and put one beside her. Then she started the long process of unravelling the rope in front of her. When she finally got it all apart, she started weaving them together again, this time into a net. This was familiar territory. Every child in District Four could do this. Her net would be strong and sturdy. Xander seemed fascinated but was silent. She broke it with, "Hey, see the cacti? Use my knife to dig the water out. Then use dirt to mix with it and make mud in my container. I'll be dying this net - it's too white. After that, you can pick needles off the cacti, lots of them. But do be careful not to get pricked!"

"Sure, Princess." Glad of something to do, Xander grabbed the knife and stabbed a cactus. He grinned as he pretended to gut it like a person. This was fun. He was quick to catch the water, and drank his fill before using the container. Then he experimented with the dirt and cacti juice, which worked perfectly. It reminded him of something long ago, when he had been carefree. Impulsively, he snatched a little and tossed it at Sera.

Sera looked at the brown splat on her arm and looked up at Xander. The look she gave him mirrored her own mother's when she thought her girls were fooling around too much. "Really, Xander? Here we are, trying to make this trap, and you're playing around with the stuff."

He laughed and told her, "Well, I gotta admit. It's been a while since I actually played with something other than girls and horses. Sorry. Not the time nor the place. What did you want me to do with it?"

She accepted his apology and wondered briefly about his childhood. He hadn't mentioned a lot about it other than what had happened with his father and his father's friend. Shaking that thought out of her head, she explained, "Since you like playing with the mud, you can rub it into the rope that's done. I want the white of it completely gone and blended in. You might need to take your time and make more."

This was agreeable to Xander and he sat down next to Sera and started his task. The cacti seemed to be more full here, probably because of the river. It wasn't too hard work and he didn't mind having to get up and make more mud now and then. It was rather nice being still and quiet with someone, even if he was on alert for any other tributes. He looked up, thinking he saw something but when it turned out to be nothing more than a bird, he settled. Quietly, Xander asked, "Sera? What was your favourite game as a kid?"

Keeping her eyes on her task, Sera replied thoughtfully, "I loved swimming. I still do it now and then, but more boating with Ellie. When I was a kid, we used to do massive mud, sand, and water fights all over the beach. The other kids would join in and it'd be so much fun. We'd go home all drenched and dirty but Mom would splash us with clean water before we went into the house. She never minded at all. It was a nice time. Then the training began and we found ourselves with little time to play silly games. I miss it sometimes though."

Xander looked up at that tone. He shook his head and replied, "That would do it. As for me, I fought a lot. So the boys and I didn't really get along. They were never quite sure when I would turn on them. And the girls… well, once I got old enough, you can figure that out."

Sera smiled at that. She could definitely imagine. "Did you ever wish to have a sibling? I can't imagine being without Ellie. It's a scary thought, to me, to be alone like that." She knew without a doubt that she wouldn't be the kind of person she was now without her sister.

A chuckle rumbled from Xander. "Not really. Although it would have been nice to have someone else to blame things on." He grinned as he stood up to make more mud.

"Hah, fair." Sera chuckled at that. When he came back, she replied, "That is a bonus, for sure. We'd often blame the other for pranks but somehow Mom knew who had done what. I'm still not sure how."

Xander laughed, then handed Sera some cactus pears. "Here, eat these. They're bitter as all get out, but nutritious. I've already had some. Those ones are yours."

Shaking her head, she said, "Thank you, I'll have them after I finish this part of the net. I appreciate your getting them for me. One less thing to do." Her fingers were starting to hurt so she stopped briefly and stretched her hands. Looking up, she asked, "I know District 10 isn't one of the wealthy ones, but is your family on the higher end, lower end, or in the middle?"

Xander ran his hand on his forehead to wipe the sweat away. He thought a moment before answering, "In the middle. We get good money for the horses, but not as much as the cattle folk do. I, um, think our social standing would be higher if it wasn't for me. I'm the black sheep of the family, heh." He gave a look that said he didn't mind or care.

Sera finished the part of the net that she wanted to get to and placed it gently on the ground. Tying her hair up into a loose bun, she said softly, "That sounds hard on everyone. I know you have your views and ways."

He nodded, then smirked as he said, "I'll never know why they say black sheep are bad. The real things are cute. And they don't show dirt. And you can tell them apart. Give me one of those any day, I say," he told her decisively.

That made Sera blush a bit and she grabbed a cactus pear to cover it. She bit into the pear, her nose screwing up in disgust at the taste, but swallowed it. "Ugh. This is awful. I wish I could have some fish."

"Mmm, steak for me, " Xander said with a longing sound in his voice. "And bacon."

Sera thought about that as she ate. She very rarely had steak or chicken since her district was a fishing district. But it had been good the times that she had it. Finishing, but not ready to go back to work just yet, she hesitantly asked, "Xander? Can I ask you something about what you said earlier?"

He had reached for one of Sera's knives and now was making sure it was sharp on a stone he'd found for the purpose. Pausing mid stroke, he looked up expectantly, "What is it, Princess?"

"Well, um." Cassia grabbed the net and resumed knitting the threads together again. "Earlier you said I was important to you. Why did you pick me since the first day?"

He sighed and went back to applying mud. Finally he answered, "You forget, Sera, I'm good at reading people. And there was something in your eyes that agreed with me. I just knew you had the right stuff. And then… you grew on me."

"You make me sound like a fungus or something," Sera muttered under her breath.

He snorted at that. "Well, what can I say? Not too many people can or do put up with this son of a bitch. You are pretty good at it." He finished with a friendly poke.

Swatting at his finger, she said dryly, "I have a stubborn sister that acts like you in many ways. I've spent enough years putting up with her." She set the mostly finished net down to dry and stood up. She would finish the rest in the morning. Then she started walking around looking for what she would need.

Since there was so much sand and not enough foliage, Sera had some trouble finding a stick that suited her purpose. Finally, she spotted one that would do, but no rocks small enough that she needed. Oh well. She came back to Xander who had finished blending in the mud up to where she'd stopped. Sera whittled the end of her stick to a sharp point then grinned at him. "There now. Just that last bit of net to do, then we're done, other than setting it up! I can't wait to see how this works. Oh yeah, and I need to put the cacti needles on but I'm going to wait until morning. With my luck, I'd accidentally roll over it while I'm sleeping by mistake."

Xander couldn't help it. He had to say it. In a slow impish drawl, he asked, "So let me get this straight. The only prick you want to feel is… mine?" He licked his lips in a smirk.

Sera gave him a glare and snapped from embarrassment, "I've felt pricks before you and I'll feel them again after you. You're nothing special."

Grinning, Xander made himself comfortable. "Just as well, Princess. You can afford to be picky. Too bad I won't live long enough for you to decide."

"What's that supposed to mean? I ain't picky. I just haven't found the right guy yet. Or maybe ever. Maybe I'm meant to go it alone. We'll see what happens. If I make it out..." Sera put everything in a safe spot and put more pain cream on her leg. Then she swallowed another pill before lying down beside him.

"I get that, Sera." he replied after a pause. "I've always been the lone wolf. I'm probably what you call damaged. Or I don't think there's a category for me. And I'm cool with that." Xander settled down and dropped onto his back to sleep. He did snuggle closer to Cassia, wanting her comfort without saying so. And perhaps the nightmares would be kept at bay tonight.

Sera sighed but didn't sleep. She couldn't sleep. She wondered what Elllie was doing, if her sister approved of her decisions or was cursing her out for them. What about Mom? What was she thinking? And Finnick? Was he helping her or Neptune? Her thoughts drifted to what had happened already with this Games. Those lives she had taken. And she would have to kill more. No, she didn't want to think of that. With that, her mind went to the young man beside her, and her feelings for him.

Xander was… a downright arrogant, blunt, sassy, cocky, stubborn, sharp tongued asshole. He drove her nuts and made her question everything that she knew and was comfortable with. She had been fine with who she had been. With what had been going on with what she had thought was normal life. Then he came into it and shifted everything until she wasn't what she wanted anymore.

_No, that's a lie. I know what I want. I still want to have my dream with a man that loves me, get married, and have children. The only thing that is different that I know _ _ **who ** _ _I'm starting to want. But that will never happen._

Grunting as she turned towards him and made herself a bit more comfy, she studied him. Her dream was still to get home to her sister and her unborn child. To have a family herself and happiness with a man who loved her unconditionally. But she was starting to realize she wanted Xander to be that man. But she knew it would never happen. For one, one of them was going to die. Two, look at how they'd met. If it hadn't been for the Games, they would never have known each other. Three, they lived in different districts with opposite lifestyles. Besides, marrying out of a different district didn't happen. Four, he didn't seem to want to settle down or have children. He was only interested in using girls for sex.

And back to the first point. Someone would die. They both couldn't live. He could die. Or she could. Her heart squeezed in pain at that thought. She was being stupid here. She shouldn't be having thoughts of making a family with Xander. It wouldn't happen. What she should do was push him away. Push him out of her heart. Maybe she should just part with him now. Walk the other way. That way it wouldn't hurt so much if he did die. It'd be simple to do that.

No.

She couldn't.

She couldn't abandon him. Not when he put away all of those bad qualities and showed her his more human side. How he just wanted to be free from all this… he cared and tried to help, only to get the bad results in life… It wasn't fair! None of it was fair. No matter what happened in the upcoming days, it was going to hurt anyways. She'd been warned by her mom. And Finnick. And she would pay the price sooner or later.

Sera was drawn out of her thoughts by the sound of cannons. Quietly, she slipped out to get a better look. There hadn't been any deaths yesterday and there had been eleven left last time either of them checked. Her brow furrowed as she saw three pictures come up for the deaths of the day: the boy from three, girl from five, and the girl from eleven.

She crawled back into the hollow and curled up against Xander. She felt dread at the ones that were left. _There's both from district one, the girl from two, Xander, Neptune, me, the boy from seven, and the boy from twelve. Eight left. _She curled deeper into Xander. They were all pretty good and knew how to survive if they had made it this far, and it meant that the games would be over sooner or later. But it also meant that she was so much closer to losing Xander. And that thought scared her more than it should have.

Sighing, Sera buried her face into the crook of his neck and breathed in his unique scent. It comforted her and she felt herself relax. She let her eyes close but soon she was stuck in a nightmare. One where she was in her mom's place and lost everyone that she loved.

* * *

Xander woke slowly. He'd had pleasant dreams for once. He'd dreamed of a certain girl… then he opened his eyes and saw _her. _But she didn't seem to be sleeping well. Should he wake her? Looking about, Xander noted the sun rising. It was time to get up. Sera should take her pills too. So he scooched over and shook Sera, "Come on, Princess. Time is ticking."

When she finally woke up, he let her lean on him a while longer, then asked, "What are the stats now? I fell asleep too early. Who's still here? Other than us and that asshole Neptune."

Sera rubbed her eyes and pulled out of his arms. She sighed as she grabbed the unfinished net and started the remaining process of finishing it. It would take a few more hours before it was done and replied, "There's both from district one, the girl from two, the boy from seven, and the boy from twelve. Eight still alive in total."

Xander blew out a breath. He recalled all of the tributes, and said with surprise, "That runt from 7? Really? Well, surprises abound."

"I keep telling you not to judge them. Tell me what you know about them all from watching them. Their strengths and weaknesses." She would need to know to cement the plan better on how to attack and when.

Xander nodded. He sat and thought carefully before he began. "The 1 tributes are both big and arrogant. But they don't really know to care for themselves. Never had to do it, I guess. The girl from 2 is crafty. She likes the throwing weapons, but I bet if you got in her face, she'd be quite at sea. Neptune… well. He wants to be the boss and won't take no for an answer. But he's weaker on his left. He doesn't really protect his left leg well. Who next? The kid from 7. Well, he must be fast. And likes to hide, apparently. We'll have to flush him out. And the one from 12. I think he's smarter than the rest, but since he's from 12, they underestimate him. I can tell he's got loads of stamina. But perhaps not speed." Xander took a deep breath after all that. It was the most he'd spoken in eons.

Sera listened to him with a frown on her face. The two unknowns were the ones that would be a problem. They knew how to survive and hide to last this long. But Xander had left two people out. "You forgot two people in your explanation," she said quietly.

"Us, you mean?" he answered. Cocking his head, he then said, "Well, then, why don't you do me, and I'll do you?"

"Hmm." She paused a moment before looking into his eyes. "You have stamina and you have brute strength. You like to play games with your prey, luring them into safety until it either suits you or bores you. You're good with the sword and know hand to hand combat well enough. But you don't have the speed and you're not good with long distant weapons. You're impulsive and you rush in without a plan. Someone smaller and quicker than you could easily kill you. Like the girl from two."

Xander laughed, "Very good. Yes, I do rush in where angels fear to tread. But that's okay… I ain't no angel, but a devil as my grandfather used to say. Very nice, Princess." He was proud of her. She had impressed him.

"You learn things when you're not very good at fighting. Especially with a sister who is the opposite of you. You learn to study her movements and her opponents to predict their moves. Mostly I can tell by the personality or by being around them and getting to know them," Sera told him with a small smile.

He grinned, then said, "My turn. Well, you aren't always confident. You overthink things. But when you make a plan, it's well thought out. You're not the best with your weapons, but you do a fair job with them. You can react instinctively when you let yourself do so. You're light and fast, but right now you are injured. So that will slow you down, but if you play your cunning cards right, it'll be fine." Xander paused, and then winked, "You're also the best looking one of the bunch. That's gotta count for something."

That made Sera snort at the last part but nodded to the rest. "I'm not very confident but if it depends on it I can let myself go without thinking. Like in the cave." She paused in her work and asked, "What were your first thoughts about me?"

"That you needed to be watched. Volunteers usually have surprises, for they have someone to live for. They're usually more determined. You had the right look in your eye. I thought you might be able to handle some of the truth after that first… _bit." _He looked significantly at her on that one. He didn't need anyone finding out about the nocturnal activities. "And you're a sassy go getter. Just the right sort we need."

Her eyes snapped up and met his blue ones. She quickly looked back down and didn't say anything before suggesting, "I think we should split up after this plan."

Xander was surprised, but nodded. "We could. Probably should. Once we break into this group, they won't be a group anymore. Then it's everyone to himself. I'm hoping with everything I got that it isn't you and me."

Sera's hands trembled at the thought of fighting him. She took a deep breath and told him, "If it happens… then we fight like we would with another."

His breath caught, but Xander's expression hardened. Leaning in, he whispered low, just for her ears only, "If you win, go to my grandfather. He'll tell you what you need to know." Pulling back, he covered his move with a kiss on the cheek for the cameras.

She turned her head to rest her forehead against his. Whispering just as low, she asked, "Want me to pass any messages along in case I win?"

"No." His voice was sharp. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, and amended, "Tell my grandmother I love her." A wry grin, "And sorry to dad that I was an asshole."

"I will," Sera promised him. "Can you pass along a message to Ellie if I die for me?" she asked him softly with pleading eyes.

He squeezed Cassia's hand and promised, "I will."

"Tell her that I'm sorry I couldn't keep the promise I made. That every decision was made with her in mind and that I really did try to make it home. That she's the best part of me and I love her unlike anyone in a way I can't explain…" Sera trailed off as her voice caught in her throat and tears sprang to her eyes. She wanted her sister. She needed her sister.

Xander waited until Sera was calmer, then stood up. "Well, enough mushy stuff. We need more food. The pears just aren't enough. I think I saw rabbit tracks, so I'm thinking a snare. There's gotta be fish in the river, but we can't get to it. I wonder if I can get a bird by throwing a rock?" He eyed the surrounding small rocks and weighed them mentally.

"I don't think you can. But you can try tracking the rabbit. I'll stay here and finish the net and then go and scout for a good place to set it up."

Xander nodded and picked up his sword. He also took a few rocks, just in case. You never know. He glanced back at Sera, but moved along without saying a word or looking back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been AGES! No I haven't forgotten about this story! Life and novel and other priorities happened. I really want to continue and finish this story and don't worry! It's FAR from finished!

_ The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. _

_ \- Ralph Waldo Emerson _

* * *

  
  


Back at the temporary camp, Sera worked on finishing the net. Xander had gone hunting. She trusted that he wouldn’t be an idiot and go get himself killed. She also hoped there was more food out here than just some cactus pears. While they were probably pretty healthy, they were disgusting to eat. and they both needed something more than that anyways. For now, she got the threads done, and blended the mud into it. It took some time to dry but while one end had already dried so she was able to stick the cactus needles into it carefully. Of course she poked herself a few times and had to suck the injured finger before she was able to continue. This should be good. This really should work. It HAD to work. 

Once it was done, Sera scouted for a good spot for it. She remembered her pills to stave off the pain in her leg and put cream on it. Xander wasn’t back yet, she hope he was okay. Hopefully if he got back before she did, he would understand she’d be back too. The net would be there anyways…  
  
As she walked closer to the canyon, she noticed a small crack that ran back to the river. This might do. She didn’t want to go too close to the canyon and steer clear of the cliffs. She went back to get the net and returned to the chosen spot. Carefully, she laid the net down and covered it with sand. It took a bit of time but she climbed up the rocks, making sure that the ropes were covered from sight on either side, to make the net fling up and capture whoever was in it. She moved down a bit more, where it was narrower, and used the rest of the rope to tie up the spear so that it would swing down with a simple cut of her knife.

That should do it. Satisfied, Sera made her way back to the camp. Surely by now Xander would be there. A little thought popped into her head. What if he was hurt somewhere? What if he was dea- no wait. The cannons would fire if that happened. Maybe he was just having trouble finding food.   
  
Rocks fell behind here and she froze. Sera swung around cautiously with her knife in her hand. No one there. Xander would not make such a trick. Not now. She spun around only to see a flash of white followed by a sharp pain in her head. 

A boy held a baton like his life depended on it. Which it did actually. He had smacked her then jumped back, balancing his light weight on the rocks.

Sera groaned and pulled her hand away from her head. She blinked up at him and stumbled up. She swore when she saw double but gripped her knife tighter. She just needed to concentrate on him and he would come into focus. She watched him carefully. This was a younger boy. Much younger. She remembered Xander’s words. She was screwed. She had a leg injury and now a splitting headache. Her knives would be useless until she could focus. 

The boy from Seven once again leaped forward to Sera and gave a mighty shove unexpectedly, making her stagger back on some loose rocks. Then he went back to his own spot, knowing he was safer on the rocks.

A yelp rang out from Sera’s lips when she hit the ground hard. Growling, she pushed herself up. Thankfully everything was starting to focus. She needed to know more about his fighting style. So far it seemed like he preferred to shove or swing and then move back to safety. 

She stalked him, holding her knife out, and took notice on how he only kept to the rocks. Ellie had an opponent like this once. The girl had jumped from every piece of furniture, managing to hit Gwen without being hit back one. Her sister had gotten the girl in the end, but Sera couldn’t do that. She needed top notch reflexes and she didn’t have it then and she def didn't’ have those now. Best plan would be to wait and see what he would do first.

The boy seemed surprised that she didn't wasn't immediately trying to destroy him. After a moment's thought, he tried to pounce towards her and then lure her back while he balanced on the loose shale that barely moved under him. 

Unfortunately for him, Sera guessed what he was going to do. When he tried to pounce, she turned sideways at the last moment. The momentum of his weight shifted and she caught his arm and pulled him downwards. Once he was on the ground, she leaped on top of him with her knife raised. She was about to slam it down on him, but she made a fatal mistake. She looked into his fearful eyes and hesitated in her attack. He was so young. Just a boy… and she loosened her grip on the knife.

The boy reacted instantly. He managed to roll in that second’s pause, and rolled onto the small rocks, and got in a good swipe before heading up the cliff carefully, because it was shifting.

Dammit! Sera cursed under her breath for making the stupidest mistake ever. Why had she done that?! She had gotten lucky that the boy seemed to prefer to run instead of kill. Her eyes darted to the cliffs to figure out what to do next when she noticed a loose rock on the boy's path. 

  
Should she? Yes. She should this was an enimy. She must steel hereslf for this. And maybe it woun’t work tat all. Picking up her knife, she aimed it at the loose rock, and threw it. The knife hit its mark and lodged into the rocks. It took a moment before the rocks came tumbling down into the boy's path. 

He let out one scream as he was falling. That was all the sound he had time to make as he was flung into the air. The next second he was buried under a mountain of rocks. There was silence for a moment before the cannon fired.

  
  


Xander kept his eyes on the ground. He had found the tracks he wanted, but he was also wary. He kept looking up and scanning for any unexpected visitors. At last, he saw a recently dug hole, surely made by the prey he was seeking. And… a snare. 

He stared at the snare and snapped his eyes around again. Someone had set it, therefore that someone would be nearby. He gripped his sword again, but then saw another snare, this one with a hare in it. Food. He must steal it. So he stepped towards the easy meal.

An arrow came out of nowhere and brushed against his shoulder. Then a voice sounded around him, “Next time I won’t miss my mark.”

Xander growled as he turned to face the boy from 12. He eyed him up and down and said sharply, “Right. And you missed half the targets in practice. Do try not to shoot yourself when you aim at me.”

The boy narrowed his eyes at the sass and only cocked his arrow back and aimed it at him. Ready to shoot if the boy from 10 moved an inch. They were in a stand still when a cannon was fired and both looked up at the sky for a moment before glaring at each other again. He grinned and taunted, “Someone up and died. I bet you anything it was that girl you’re teamed with. She was no good anyways. Pathetic really, since she’s a Victor’s daughter. Should have killed her off way before now.”

Xander curled his lip, refusing to think about that. He snapped back, “You know, it's better to let someone think you're an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.” So saying, he made a glance to the side, pretending to be a little nervous of something that could come that way.

The boy turned his eyes towards the side too. He couldn’t see anything, but out of the corner of his eye saw a blade come at him. He stepped back and to the side and let his arrow go and shoot at the other guy. 

Luckily for Xander, it went wide, and he had anticipated his enemy moving. Just not that direction. He lunged past but was able to turn on his heel and thrust at the boy. The blade went into his stomach and dropped him where he stood. Xander paused one moment, a snarl in his voice, “Anything to say before I gut you like a pig?”

The boy gurgled on his blood but smiled, “She’ll never… win. Too… soft…” was all he said before the life left him.

Xander waited until the cannon fired. He swore, but then grabbed the boy's weapons. He wasn't great with them either, but weapons were weapons. He started to leave, but then remembered what he had come for. Snagging the hare, and a bag that the boy had, Xander finally went back to his camp, hoping the idiot had been wrong and Sera was still there.

  
  


Once the cannon had fired for the boy, Sera sank down to the ground exhausted. This was the worst one of all. He’d been so young. He’d tried his best and failed. Yes, that meant she was alive. For now. But it didn’t seem like a celebration at all. She should get moving and back to camp. Somehow, she couldn’t. Instead, Sera sat on the ground, going over what had happened. It was when another cannon fired that shook her out of her thoughts.

Sera glanced back to the camp. Who was that? Xander? Biting her lip, she hoped fervently it wasn’t. She should go back. Gathering her things, Sera stood. Should she take the baton? No, her knives were better. And once they took the boy away, it’d be one less weapon in the Games. That decided, Sera left for camp. 

To her great relief, Xander was there already, waiting for her. His face brightened when he saw her and the worry lines disappeared. Sera noted he had a bloody blade which he was now cleaning. She sat down beside him but didn’t say anything.

Xander was delighted to see Sera. “You came back! Good stuff. I met up with the boy from 12 and dispatched him. Stupid overconfident idiot. Did you hear the other cannon shot? Oh! And I got real food for a change! Rabbit will be done soon.” He poked at the fire and turned the carcass over. 

“I don’t know if I can do this Xander. I made an empty promise to my sister. I can’t keep killing kids. I **can’t**. Not when they have what I have and deserve it. The boy from seven… he reminded me of myself. I feel like I killed me. All I did was throw a knife into a loose rock or two. The avalanche of rocks killed him.”

Xander nodded in approval. “Good. You use what you can. But Sera, don't think of them like that. You'll drive yourself mad. If you hadn't done it, I'm sure he would have figured out how to get you.”

Anger flashed through her. She shoved him hard and hit her fists on his chest. “**They are kids! They’re like us! Younger than us or the same age! And we’re killing them without a second thought! It’s. Not. Right! It’s wrong. So wrong and I want it to stop! I don’t want to kill anymore!** I can’t kill anymore.” Sera began sobbing. This was too hard! She couldn’t do this anymore. 

Xander growled at this outburst. Snapping back, he told her, “And what about me? I just killed the boy from twelve. I distracted him and got him. His blood is still on my blade. And he won't be the last. I've accepted that. I am ready for the fight. I want freedom. And I am willing to die for that to happen.” His eyes were burning in anger at the whole stupid system. 

Again, anger bloomed in Sera at his words. “And that’s exactly why you’ll end up fucking dead. You don’t care for nothing or anybody! You might as well just rush out there and go out fighting.” She snapped back.

“Don't you think that's exactly what I want?” He shot back in anger. “But I don't. I don’t do that! There is too much at stake here! The entire fucking world for one!”

“The world doesn’t care about you!” Sera shouted. Tears fell down her face, “It doesn’t care about you. It doesn’t give a fuck if you die for it. But you have people that care and love you and you shove them away because you’re too scared to let them in!”

Xander blew at that. “I'm too scared to let them in? **They don't want me! ** I'm too wild for them. And as for the bloody world, I know far more than **you ** think! It's just waiting for a spark... **before the whole place goes to hell.** Then and **only then** , shall it be made new, like the Phoenix rising from the flames! I might be the worst person to want it, but **I am not selfish and feel sorry for every little thing!”**

Sera exploded at that. Her eyes flashed dangerously and she moved quickly and punched him hard. Watching him stagger back, her voice came out in a deadly calm, “At least that makes me more **human ** than you will ever be. **The world is already in hell. ** I’m just trying to make the best of it.” She paused to take a heaving gulp of air. Locking eyes with Xander, she said, “And you are **scared. ** You’re scared of disappointing your family. Of making things worse for them because you can’t help but act out. You don’t want anyone close to you so that they don’t have to feel the pain of losing you! **Guess what? The world doesn’t work that way! Your family cares about you! I care about you! And you’re just shoving us all off to the side because you are being selfish!**”

Xander swore when Sera punched him. He waited for the end of that speech before grabbing her hard by the throat. He was beyond pissed. But then her words sank in. Tilting his head, the anger starting to lessen, he asked in faint surprise, “Did I hear that right? _ You care about me? _No wants a snarky, stubborn ass rebel like me around. But…?” He let his unspoken question trail off.

Growling when he grabbed her throat, Sera struggled against him. When he didn’t let go, her foot came up and kicked him between the legs. Scrambling away from him, she snatched her only knife up and held it in front of her. “I care about you, yes. But it’s obvious that you don’t give a damn about anyone other than this freedom.” 

Xander staggered, groaned, and barked, “You **fucking bitch. ** I care about **you. ** Did you think I did a strip tease for **just anyone? **And I could have left long ago. It's what I'm best at doing! But I…” he finally stopped. Shaking his head, he looked away, “I don't know why the hell I'm staying. But I must.”

Denial was her first reaction. “You don’t care about me. You just like that I’m different from the others. And you got exactly what you wanted from me: a play thing to have sex with. Which is all good with me because things are now in focus for me. I know what I need to focus on. And that is getting home to my family. I won’t break her heart for anyone. Including you.”

Xander watched Sera. He grunted then said in a calmer tone, “Well then. I won't argue that you got more to live for. So, I'll help you. And they tell me I'm stubborn as a mule and kick back harder than I'm hit. So I'll make it happen. And if you still wanna kill me, then here.” He tossed his own blade, blood still staining it, at her. It came to rest with the point in the sand within easy reach of her hand. “Do it. Just fucking put me out of my misery then.”

“No,” she snapped with tears. “I **refuse** to kill you because you want me to. If I do then it’ll be when we fight. Not before.” She kicked the blade away from them both and lowered her own.

Xander sighed. He had enough of this. “Okay then.” He glanced around quickly then said, “Back to the original thing. I still got food. Might be slightly burnt now, but there is enough for us both. Cease fire then?” He waited tensely for her answer.

Sera was silent for a long time. Finally, she said quietly, “Yes. Cease fire. We eat and then I’m leaving.”

Relieved, he sat down and divided the hare for them. Softly, he told her, “I'd rather wait until after the plan. It needs both of us to work. Then after that, we should separate.” 

He did make a valid point. “I’ll stay then,” she replied just as softly. There was a tension between them now and Sera had no idea on how to get rid of it. His anger seemed gone. Hers was. But now there was a gulf between them. 

Xander fought with his feelings. She had lambasted him with her words, and in a way, he liked and respected Sera even more now. But they would likely both die. Why was life so _ bloody complicated? _He watched suspiciously, but Sera didn't make any moves toward him. Of any kind. Finally, Xander tried to diffuse the situation, “That really hurt by the way. You gonna fix that? Or am I out of luck again?”

Sera snorted, the tension broken. “You perv. No, I’m not gonna fix that. You’re a dick and needed to be kicked like that.” She finally smiled at him. Just how did he do that? He always seemed to diffuse things in a humourous way. Silly. Cocking her head, she asked curiously, “Why do you still stick around even when I do stuff like that? And I’m still holding this knife, which, I might add, I am not afraid to use.”

The answer was a soft whisper, “Because I trust you. That doesn't sound like a big deal. But for me, it is.”

“You’ll die because of that trust but not from my hands. But by other hands.”

Xander casually stated, “The boy from twelve already tried that. He told me you died. He was wrong. It was him instead.” 

“A part of me did die today. And you’re judging the others again. That will get you killed.” Sera muttered sleepily.

“So what? They judge me too. Only you've seen the real me. And then, only glimpses.” Xander replied, starting to stroke her arms now that she was starting to fall asleep. He could just keep touching her silky skin. It felt right under his fingers. 

Sera felt goosebumps on her arms from where his fingers were trailing. She let out a sigh and whispered softly, “I told you before that this will never work between us. I was right.”

Xander blew out a breath and gazed at the stars. “I know that, dammit. But I think it's a good way to spend the last days of our lives. Being with someone you care about and try to protect until you can't any more. That just seems… honourable.” He finally lay down himself and buried his face into her shoulder.

She squeezed her eyes shut and her tears fell. They landed on their joined hands and she wished, not for the first time, that she was back home. At least then she never would have met him.


	16. Chapter 16

_Sometimes you'll never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory._

_Dolly Parton_

* * *

Xander woke early as was his ingrained habit. He opened his eyes and took in Sera. She was awake but quiet and still. Instinctively, he brushed his hand on her jaw tenderly, then frowned as his fingers trailed down to the bruises he had left on her neck. He looked into her eyes again, wondering how she was feeling about him. They hadn't actually tried to kill each other, but still...

Sera tensed when she felt his fingers brush her neck. Memories of last night flooded her brain. She wasn't sure how to act around him right now. Her knife was still in her hand - she'd slept with it. Tightening her grip on it, she said nothing.

He dropped his hand instantly as soon as she had moved the knife. Moving away, Xander glanced around carefully. He spoke with a slight bite, "You'd better outline the plan. We go in, do it, get out, and go. We can't stay here any longer. It was dangerous enough to do so in the first place." He kept his gaze out and away from Sera, but he could still see her out of the corner of his eye.

Scooting up, Sera sat crossed legged and kept her knife in her hand. She wished desperately for her other one but it was long gone by now. "Okay. Look." Digging in the dirt, she did a rough drawing of what she had scouted out in the past two days. "The two girls need to go out first. That will be easy and tricky. We'll have to split up and it'll have to be done before they get in line of Levi's sight. We pull them behind some rocks and kill them quickly without making a sound." She paused to see if that was okay with Xander before continuing.

He glanced over at the drawing and after a moment's hesitation, came over and sat down. He laid his sword across his legs and nodded. The only comment was, "The loose rock might be hard. But it does fall all the time. Should be okay."

Nodding in agreement, Sera continued, "True. Now, I'll be the one closer to the loose rocks on the opposite side and in line of Levi's sight. It'll be easier for me to draw him out and anger him. Then when he comes after me, I'll lead him away and might have to fight one-on-one with him. But that will give you the time to climb up and get to the river and the other ones that are up there."

Xander blew out a breath, and studied the rough map carefully. Then he looked up at Sera and warningly told her, "If you do end up fighting him, just remember everything I told you. And…" Here he sighed. It was a good plan. Still could go wrong. There might not be time for a plan b. "I'll do my best. One of us is going home. I'm rooting for you."

Sera stopped drawing and looked up at him. Wariness shone in her eyes as she asked softly, "Why? I thought you preferred your freedom over anyone."

He admitted, "I do. But… I'm not sure it'll be me. I'm good at what I do and bullshitting my way through when I need to. But you have more to live for. Besides… there are things out there bigger than us both. I may not be the right fit." He ran a hand through his hair and had a grim look on his face.

Sera studied him for a long time before saying, "You have things to live for too. You just shove them away." She stood up after that and took care of her leg. She took her time, leaving him to his thoughts. He had a pensive expression on his face and she hoped her words rang deep inside him.

Xander was quiet as he watched Sera. There was dead silence between them. Finally, in a very quiet voice that Sera had to strain to hear, he said, "I learned that if I keep pushing people away, eventually they're going to realize that it's best for their life to stay away."

Keeping her back to him, she replied, "Your family can decide for themselves what is best for their lives. And I can honestly say from what little you told me that they want you in their lives and don't care who the real you is. They just want you."

Xander only grunted. Then he glanced at the sky and tersely said, "Should we go now? Careers tend to be up late. It's early enough they should be sleepy if they're not actually asleep. Unless Levi gets them up?" He looked at Sera at that question, hoping she knew something about her district partner's habits.

Hmm. Sera thought about what Ellie had told her about him. "No, you're right. He'd be be up with the sun, just like you. I'm gonna guess that they'd do shifts during the night. We'd been taught that and I'm sure he'll be sticking to that plan. So, by now, they'll be all up." She paused and was very serious. "Xander, don't underestimate Levi. I know he's putting up an asshole front, and he is one, but you haven't seen him fight. He's very deadly and dangerous when fighting. Even my sister has a hard time beating him. Even though she has each time, she's come out of it worse for wear."

"That's the one tribute I don't underestimate. He's too much like me, Sera. Except he's got a mean streak in him a mile wide. He does toy with people like I do, and looks for any opportunity to trick you. Same as me. But one thing… he gets angry too easily. And that could be his fatal flaw," Xander told her with a strange light in his eye. If Sera saw herself in the boy from 7, he saw himself in Levi, and didn't like that at all.

"I know. If we fight, he'll use my family against me. Probably even my sister's pregnancy." Sera admitted in acceptance. Ellie was going to be her downfall, she just knew it. But she found that she didn't mind it if it meant Ellie and the baby were safe and sound

Xander nodded, then said, "Do you want to go now? Or wait? They'll know that it's just us and them now. We just made their job easier by taking out the last two others."

"We'll go tonight when it's dark out. Use the darkness of the night to set up and then first thing in the morning we set it in motion. We should move from here and rest somewhere else until then. Like you said, they know it'll be just us left. Therefore, they'll all be hunting us. I really don't want to stick around and fall right into their hands."

He was agreeable to that and looked at the cliffs. "What if we go up there? There are lots of boulders there. Not much shade, but it would be harder for them to see us."

Sera looked at the cliffs in distaste. The memory of the boy and the rocks hit her and she flinched in guilt and fear. But he had a point. "Okay. But there are loose rocks on the cliffs and my leg is still hurt even with the medicine. You'll have to climb up first and then help me up. I'm not sure I'll be able to even climb halfway without any help."

"That's okay. You keep an eye on things and take it slow. We have all day. And it's not like I can carry you up there!" He grinned for the first time.

"Idiot. You're not carrying me. I can make it just fine!" She shook her head. Trust Xander to make a joke out of everything. Somehow, she was glad of it. The tension had mostly broken. He was too good at this.

Xander led the way, and examined the cliffs. Finally he chose one and started up it and helped Sera as well. They only had one bit of trouble, when they both started to go in a rockslide, but Xander managed to grab onto a large rock that didn't move and snag Sera by the arm. He heaved her up ahead of them and stopped for a break. He panted with the nearness of that almost disaster, and asked, "You okay? That was close."

Sera breathed heavily and gripped Ellie's necklace hard enough to leave indents in her palm. Her body shook from the near death, and she said quietly, "Thanks."

Xander nodded, then determinedly continued. They finally reached the top, and found a handy rock that would hide their silhouettes against the sky. And they had a perfect view of most of the Arena. Now that they were relatively safe, Sera played with the necklace and looked around. "For an arena it has a different kind of beauty to it."

"Every place does, I suppose," Xander answered. He gazed about and shook his head, "I prefer more animals. But that's probably because of my district."

"I'll be glad to get the river. It'll make me feel more at home. Or closer to it anyways." Sera said with longing.

Xander was deep in thought. He spoke aloud without really meaning to, "There is a lot of beauty in things if you look. The whiskers of a cat. The green of a leaf. A spider's web in the dew. The misty rain. The shiny hide of a well groomed horse. The curve of a woman."

Sera smiled faintly at the last one. Typical Xander. But his words echoed deep inside her. So he wasn't all crusty and… well she knew there were soft spots inside him. They were just hard to find. Still, they had yet to resolve things from yesterday. She tensed up again and her headache came back with a vengeance. She was tired, hot, exhausted, hungry, thirsty, stressed, confused, and on her way to breaking down if yesterday was any indication. She wasn't sure how much more she could handle. She just wanted it to end already. Without even thinking, she asked him quietly, "Can you just kill me now? That way I don't have to worry about it later on."

Xander's eyes snapped to her. He snapped, "What the hell, Sera? Are you just giving up without a fight?" Reacting quickly, he had his sword at her jaw and with blazing eyes asked her, "Well? Do you still feel you want to die? Or does the life inside you want to live? And how **the fuck** do you want me to explain this to your family?"

"Mentors can hear what's going on in here. Mom's probably listening. She'll understand." Sera told him. It was a lie, she knew. Her mother and sister would be devastated, pissed, and disappointed. Why was she even thinking of giving up like that? She was selfish. She'd be taking away her own pain and leaving her family with even more pain than if she died in a fair fight. No, she wasn't able to do this now. If Xander were to pull the sword down on her this instant, she would fight back with everything she had. It was just that she didn't deserve to live when so many others had died in here. But she wanted to live and fight for another day.

Xander saw the change in Sera's eyes. He slowly slid the blade on her jaw, gauging her, then with a look of satisfaction dropped it down. He sat and leaned on the rock. The only thing he said was, "Good."

"No, not good! What does this make me?" Sera asked, confused.

He looked at her and quietly said, "Human. It makes you human. We aren't machines, Sera."

Sera sighed and brought her legs up to her chest. "I wish I was a machine. Then I wouldn't feel so lost." Her voice was muffled by her knees.

Xander moved next to her. He brushed the hair out of her face and said, "It's a blessing and a curse. We feel, and often painfully, but just as often wonderfully." He leaned back again and pulled Sera so her head was on his chest and sighed. He was so used to pushing down those feelings. It was hard to let them show now.

Sera tensed when he pulled her to him but relaxed anyways. She needed sleep but refused to actually do it. She was silent as she listened to his heart beating and the movement of his chest from breathing. She wanted to stay like this but didn't want to. Eventually against her will, her eyes shut and she was sleeping restlessly.

Xander looked down at Sera. He lay awake, since he had slept last night. His eyes roamed the scenery, but he made sure he didn't disturb her. He felt conflicted with her. It would never work out. So why did he put himself into this position? Because… because he needed someone like that. Xander groaned but was quiet. He told himself to stop thinking.

At last it was evening. He shook her, saying, "Sera? We should eat something, then get down before it's too dark."

Sera blinked sleepily at him but nodded. She stumbled to sit up and took her pill. "What are we going to eat?" Her voice cracked from lack of use and water.

Xander pulled out the bag he had gotten from the boy he'd killed. There was jerky and two granola bars. "He must have been saving the stuff. Eat a bar, save the jerky," Xander advised.

Taking a bar, she ate it in silence. If she got home she was going to go and eat all her favourite foods.. Once they were both done, Sera let Xander go down first and followed in his steps until they landed safely on the ground. Grunting in slight pain at the landing, she whispered, "I'll take this side. You go over to the other one. As soon as we see the two girls, we grab them, and kill them. Then wait until I'm gone and climb up and deal with the others."

Xander nodded, and started to head out. But he was back in an instant and impulsively kissed her passionately. "Be safe, Princess." Then he was gone.

* * *

Sera kneeled in between the two boulders she had ducked behind. She was able to see the cliff Levi would look out and the entire area of where the two girls would come. Her stomach flipped nervously. She had a plan, but a lot could still go wrong. She gripped the knife in her hand. She didn't want to kill any more, especially two Career girls, but she knew that she had to. She needed to if she wanted to get home to her family.

She sighed and touched her lips like she had been doing since Xander had kissed her. They still tingled from his kiss. Why was he affecting her like this? Her goal had been so simple: do what she had to and go home. No one involved. No conflicting feelings. No feeling like she was going against everything that was **her**. Well, the last one would have happened with or without him. He just made things more complicated.

Shaking her head, she gently slapped herself to get her head back on straight. Now was not the time to be thinking about Xander or whatever feelings she had for him. Now was the time to focus on the plan and make sure it goes as planned. Speaking of the plan, Sera glanced up at the sky. The sun was coming up which meant that it really was time to get focused on the tasks at hand.

Pushing herself into a more ready position, Sera made sure she was still hidden from the shadows of the rocks, and waited silently. They would have to do this at the same time or it would bring everyone down on them. Finally she heard two female voices. Peeking over the edge of the rock, Sera locked her eyes on the figure closest to her.

A groan escaped her silently, but she counted down from three in her head. As soon as she hit one, Sera moved swiftly and quietly and wrapped an arm around the girl's body, pressed a hand to her mouth, and yanked her back to her spot. Quickly her knife was up at the District Two's throat but she didn't have a chance to cut down on it.

The girl elbowed Sera in the gut and managed to hook an ankle around hers, kicking her foot out. She made a grunting sound as she tried to throw her weight into it.

Sera gasped in pain, but hooked her arm, threw the girl's elbow and yanked her down along with her. She twisted her body at the last minute, and ignoring the pain in her leg, managed to get back on top of the girl as they hit boulders. Her knife was up again and she lunged it at the girl quickly.

The girl ducked, so her shoulder was hit but nothing more. She grimaced in pain as she grabbed Sera's wrist, trying to keep the knife at bay. Finally she found breath enough to snarl, "You think you're going to kill me? Levi has told me a lot about you. _A lot_."

While the girl was talking, Sera noticed a rock laying at their feet. So she let the girl hit her back and take the knife from her. A dangerous move, but she landed beside the rock and pulled it into her hand without the girl seeing. Her eyes flashed up to hers and Sera lunged at her, sending them flying into the wall this time. "Levi knows shit about me," was all Sera said as she dodged the knife swing and swung the rock at her head. There was a sicking sound before the girl dropped to the ground.

Sera breathed heavily as a fire cannon went off. Not waiting to see if she could hear another one, she snatched her knife up, keeping the rock with the girl's blood in the other hand, and slipped out of her hiding spot. She winced in pain as she walked with a slight limp towards Levi. Their eyes caught and she acted exactly how Ellie would have: cocky and confident.

"I think you're missing something, Levi! You shouldn't be going around telling stuff about me when you don't know me. It's not very nice, you know." She taunted him with a sweet but cocky voice.

She cursed when she saw a glint coming at her and dove to the side. There was a bang and Sera glanced warily at the spear that had just missed her by an inch. Well...she had done her job and got him pissed enough to get him to come after her. She tore out of there and ran back to cliffs and hoped that the rocks would make it more difficult for him to fling dangerous stuff at her.


	17. Chapter 17

_ Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, and my kindness for weakness. _

_ Unknown _

* * *

Levi growled as Sera darted - or limped off. She was injured. That’d make it easier for her to chase. Will, the brute of a boy from District One, came up beside him and snickered. Not giving him a chance to say anything, Levi snarled in a dangerous glee, “Stay here and capture anyone that is alive. ** _She’s mine._ **”

He didn’t wait for an answer, but took off running. It wasn’t too long before he found Sera’s foot prints, which led to the cliffs. He quickly turned around a corner and saw her climbing up a mountain of rocks that had gotten in the pathway. He let out a pleased laugh and took off into a run again. Sera was at the top by the time he hit the bottom and he quickly caught up to her. He grabbed her leg and pulled on it hard. She slid towards him and he raised his spear when her foot came up and kicked him in the face.

“**Fuck**,” he snarled in pain as her foot slipped from his fingers and she scrambled away. He was instantly after her and slid down the other side. He tackled her half way and they rolled down the rest of the way. Picking himself up, Levi wiped the blood from his mouth as he watched in pleasure as she scrambled back on her hands and knees in fear. He noticed that her knife had skidded away from her and that meant she was injured and weaponless. 

Levi grinned at that observation and moved quickly. He was about to pounce on her when she rolled off to the side and he hit the ground. Only it wasn’t just the ground but a net. He grunted as he was swiped upwards and gnashed his teeth together when he felt pointed needles go into every inch of his skin. He snarled at her and used his spear to cut himself out.

Ignoring the pain, the needles, and the blood, Levi stepped towards her and threw his spear at her. 

Sera didn’t have time to duck. The spear jammed into her side, thankfully it wasn’t worse than it was. She panted through the pain and stared back at him. He was mad. Very mad. 

He stalked over to her and pushed down on the spear. “Sera. Sera. Sera. I have to admit you got me good. Very good. That net. I wasn’t expecting that. But you aren’t Ellie. Which means that you’ll never get the best of me.”

The stupid idiot. Still cocky as ever, wasn’t he? “That’s where I prove you wrong,” she gasped out. She brought out the knife in her hand. He cursed but before he could do a thing, she swiped something he couldn’t see. 

He was shoved backwards, and yelled in surprise. His spear was still in his hand when he heard a whooshing sound. Then the most incredible pain came from his shoulder. He looked over to it and found a hand crafted spear sticking right through his shoulder. Snarling, he quickly snapped the spear in half but left the end part in his shoulder. He spun around to kill Sera but she wasn’t in her spot any more.

Levi blinked stupidly before he started scanning the ground for footprints. He hadn’t taken a step before he heard a familiar shout. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Nilla walking towards him. Blood streamed from her head but she was walking alright? Anger flashed through him once more as he snapped, “What the fuck happened?!” 

Her lips curled in disgust. “They had a sneak attack on us. Jasmine is dead. The District Ten boy got her. Your district mate hit me, but must have thought she killed me. Well she is greatly mistaken!” 

“What in the actual FUCK!” Levi yelled in fury. She had taunted him as part of her plan! And he’d fallen for it, the idiot that he was! Well… things would be different from now on. He had a dangerous smile and put a hand on Nilla’s shoulder. “Sera is smarter than I gave her credit for. But their little plan won’t be… as planned anymore. We’re smarter than them. We’re more powerful than them. And there’s more of us. Sera will fall by my hand. But first… let’s deal with a little issue that will be waiting for us at the top. My district partner likes him. Hurting him will hurt her and she’ll come for him. When she does, we kill them both.” 

Sharing a grin, Levi turned and led the way back. He may be hurt but Sera was about to get hurt even worse.

Xander walked carefully, noting anything that might betray his presence. Every time he heard a noise, he'd freeze. He felt like the wolf he'd seen once in the forest, quietly stalking but hyper aware of everything at the same time. 

At last, he reached the other side of the camp. He saw a cleared area that seemed a bit more private than the rest. Guessing this would be where the girls were, he headed to a hiding spot nearby. There was sand grass that he could crouch in. Xander grinned. The grass, which afforded the girls shelter from the other boys, would betray them now.

He didn't have long to wait before one of them… the girl from District One… came to check her pack. Xander watched carefully. She was armed with a throwing knife and could hit him if she knew he was there. He could have surprised her there and then, but he preferred to wait. A memory of what Sera had told him - that he toyed with his prey until he got bored or it suited him. It was true. Xander’s legs were starting to ache from the sustained crouching, but still he didn't move. He wanted her closer.

Finally it happened. She went to straighten her sleeping bag and scooted closer to him. The last thing Xander remembered before leaping was her name. _ Jasmine _. 

He had his sword high but he did make a slight mistake. He stepped on a rock a stride away from Jasmine, betraying his presence. But he had the element of surprise and was close when she turned suddenly. 

Jasmine reacted faster than he thought she would, and side stepped. He slammed his shoulder into hers though, knocking her off balance. But she had her knives in both hands now and started sparring with him. Xander had to raise his sword defensively and lightning fast to parry the blows. She was quick. But he was strong. And he was more patient. She was just hitting out, not planning on blows.

Finally Xander knew he had the upper hand. The pace of the fight was fast, but he could see her tiring. And she knew it. She knew that he had more stamina, and she was going to lose this.

Xander finally made his move. He made a sweeping motion with his leg and drove in hard with her sword. Jasmine only had time to raise her knife hand when she was knocked back to the ground. She shrieked and ducked as Xander drove the sword down. He'd missed the vital place, and snarled. She had only made it harder on herself. He fixed his error, and was satisfied when the cannon fired. 

Xander panted with the after effects of the fight. Then he made his big mistake. He should have been paying more attention. Instead, he failed to scout around immediately after the cannon, but only stared at the girl. She was pretty. Not as pretty as his Sera, but still. Then he heard a sound near him, far too close.

Will moved towards the shriek quickly. He stopped in his tracks and stared at his dead district mate. His eyes instantly flickered up to the boy from Ten and he got ready in a fighting stance. He watched the guy move towards him but then stop. There was movement from behind Xander. He laughed loudly when the bloody walking bodies of his partners came more present.

He now took the opportunity to taunt Xander. “Your district mate gave you more trouble than it was worth?” The glare that he got only made him laugh harder. His grin grew wider when he saw Nilla and he turned to Xander saying, “You might as well give up now. Three against one. One of which is pretty pissed.”

Xander knew he was fucked. If he could take one of them with him, he'd be more than happy. He **had** told Sera he'd rather go out fighting, after all. So without a sound or warning, he threw himself on Will and grinned when he sliced his arm.

Levi moved fast as soon as he saw the tackle. He grabbed Xander by the shoulder before he had a chance to kill Will. He brought his knee up and let it fly into Xander, separating him from the other. Kicking the sword away from them, Levi commanded, “Get the fuck on him and hold him down.” Once they did as he told them, he slammed a foot on Xander’s chest. His spear was at Xander’s throat and Levi was deadly as he said, “You are going to wish that we just came straight out and killed you. But I won’t allow that. Not after that **fucking bitch of a district partner **tricked me.”

Xander kept his breathing as calm as he could. He was screwed no matter which way he looked at it. But the fire blazed in his eyes. He was no stranger to torture, if that's what they wanted before they killed him. So, he glared at Levi, but then had his cocky smile, “You seem like a man quite frustrated. But I'm thinking the only way you'll get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.”

Levi raised his spear to kill but stopped when he saw the blood on it. He knew that Sera had snuck out almost every night to see the guy, what they did, and how they partnered up. He wondered curiously of what this guy thought of her. Deciding to find out he told him with a grin, “You see the blood on the end of this spear? It’s Sera’s. Drove it right through her stomach. I have to say if her screams of pleasure are anything like her screams of pain… I enjoy them very much. She’ll come for you and when she does… I’ll find out that answer for myself.”

Xander’s eyes flashed, and he tried to buck, but the others held him too tightly. He insulted him instead, “Really? Wow. Didn't know you had it in you. Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest? Huh.” 

Levi swung down with his spear and made a nice long cut over his eye, warning him, “Next time I won’t be so nice and you’ll lose your eye.”

Xander had to breathe through the pain. He blinked to check that his eye was still working, and felt the blood running above and below in his cheek. He grunted, “You don't scare me. I've felt worse. Do what you want.”

Kneeling down, Levi harshly grabbed his chin and forced him to look at him, “It’s not yourself that you should be worried about. You should be frightened of what I have planned for Sera when I get her. Because you will watch her slow, torturous death with the knowledge that you couldn’t do a single thing to save her. You just made it so much worse for her.” 

Xander snarled at Levi’s touch. He wanted to kill the guy here and now, but he was helpless. “Don't underestimate her. She's a lot smarter than you. You should watch that attitude of yours. Just because you have one…” here Xander looked significantly down, “Doesn't mean you gotta act like one.”

Levi watched him with an unreadable face. Ignoring the pain in his shoulder, he stood up and walked over to Nilla’s side. Grabbing Xander’s arm from her, and twisting it backwards, he told Nilla calmly, “Do whatever you wish to do to him.”

Nilla grinned in delight. Walking in front of Xander, she bent over and purred, “Let’s get this top off of you. Then you’ll get something from it.” Reaching down, she cut his shirt off with one of her throwing knives. She didn’t care that she cut in deep, leaving bleeding marks on him.

Xander gritted his teeth, but said nothing. It hurt what she was doing, but the memories flashed through him. It didn't hurt as much as what had happened before. So he only glared at Nilla and chewed his tongue lightly to try and not react. 

Nilla raised an eyebrow in surprise at the scars that littered his back. “You really are a bad boy. Lucky for you then. I love bad boys.” She smiled as she trailed a finger down his chest.

Shivering lightly lightly at her touch, he flicked his eyes up at her. He knew what she was doing. And it was working. He was getting turned on, even if it was the last thing he wanted. He squirmed uncomfortably, but then in a flash of anger, he spat on Nilla. 

Wiping the spit from her face, Nilla wagged a finger at him in disappointment. “Now, now. That wasn’t really nice.” She made sure that Levi and Will had a good grip on him before sliding into his lap. Pressing her knife against Xander’s chest, she leaned over and whispered alluringly in his ear, “I can make your last time very pleasurable before you die. I know you want me. I can feel you. It’ll be the best punishment you get while you’re still with us.”

Xander groaned as she wiggled on him. This wasn't fair at all. He bucked a few times, trying to get away, before realising he was making the whole situation worse. He studied Nilla, then decided to play along for the moment. He purred back in the way that drove most girls wild, “I think I like the bondage thing. Nilla… those lips… kiss me, honey.”

Nilla laughed and pulled away and off of him totally. “Sorry, but I think I’ll let Levi have his fun with you.” She told him with a wink as she went back to her original spot.

Levi walked around Xander and studied him. Finally, he said, “Let’s bring him back to camp and tie him up out in the open. We’ll add as many scars to his chest that he has on his back. We can each take turns.”

Xander struggled as they started to move him. He did manage to snap at Levi, “I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works for you. I still ain't afraid. And you'll get your comeuppance one day sooner than you think.”

Levi didn’t look back as he led the way back to camp, “Will that be before or after I kill her?”

“Does it matter? We are all haunted by something." Xander remembered what Sera had told him, and also used some guesswork. “For you...you want your parents to pay attention to you. Well guess what? If you come back a beast, you'll drive them away. You'll drive everyone you know away from you. And that girl you liked? She'll be scared shitless of you. You'll be alone for the rest of your days, however long that may be. Perhaps you'll end up killing yourself. Well, good riddance if you do. Everyone will be quite relieved when you're gone.”

Levi listened in silence and paused when they got back to camp. Tying Xander up with some of Four’s secret knots, he told the other two, “Have your fun with him now and get it out of your system. Once you both are done, he’s mine.” With that he walked away and went to look out at the Arena. He would not miss Sera this time. As soon as he saw her, she was dead on the spot.

Xander grunted as Will punched him. He was done insulting them. The goal now was to keep as silent as he could through whatever they did to him. Which right now seemed to be trying to give him as many bruises as possible. Xander knew the game. Start cutting a bruise, and you'll bleed quite a lot. He did wish that they would get on with it. He hoped Sera was safe, and that she'd get that asshole Levi after this. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! I have NOT abandoned fanfiction or this story especially, I've been very caught up writing my actual novel, buuut I did write a bunch ahead so this coming week you'll get lots from this story :)

_Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, and my kindness for weakness._

_Unknown_

* * *

Levi growled as Sera darted - or limped off. She was injured. That'd make it easier for her to chase. Will, the brute of a boy from District One, came up beside him and snickered. Not giving him a chance to say anything, Levi snarled in a dangerous glee, "Stay here and capture anyone that is alive. _**She's mine.**_"

He didn't wait for an answer, but took off running. It wasn't too long before he found Sera's foot prints, which led to the cliffs. He quickly turned around a corner and saw her climbing up a mountain of rocks that had gotten in the pathway. He let out a pleased laugh and took off into a run again. Sera was at the top by the time he hit the bottom and he quickly caught up to her. He grabbed her leg and pulled on it hard. She slid towards him and he raised his spear when her foot came up and kicked him in the face.

"**Fuck**," he snarled in pain as her foot slipped from his fingers and she scrambled away. He was instantly after her and slid down the other side. He tackled her half way and they rolled down the rest of the way. Picking himself up, Levi wiped the blood from his mouth as he watched in pleasure as she scrambled back on her hands and knees in fear. He noticed that her knife had skidded away from her and that meant she was injured and weaponless.

Levi grinned at that observation and moved quickly. He was about to pounce on her when she rolled off to the side and he hit the ground. Only it wasn't just the ground but a net. He grunted as he was swiped upwards and gnashed his teeth together when he felt pointed needles go into every inch of his skin. He snarled at her and used his spear to cut himself out.

Ignoring the pain, the needles, and the blood, Levi stepped towards her and threw his spear at her.

Sera didn't have time to duck. The spear jammed into her side, thankfully it wasn't worse than it was. She panted through the pain and stared back at him. He was mad. Very mad.

He stalked over to her and pushed down on the spear. "Sera. Sera. Sera. I have to admit you got me good. Very good. That net. I wasn't expecting that. But you aren't Ellie. Which means that you'll never get the best of me."

The stupid idiot. Still cocky as ever, wasn't he? "That's where I prove you wrong," she gasped out. She brought out the knife in her hand. He cursed but before he could do a thing, she swiped something he couldn't see.

He was shoved backwards, and yelled in surprise. His spear was still in his hand when he heard a whooshing sound. Then the most incredible pain came from his shoulder. He looked over to it and found a hand crafted spear sticking right through his shoulder. Snarling, he quickly snapped the spear in half but left the end part in his shoulder. He spun around to kill Sera but she wasn't in her spot any more.

Levi blinked stupidly before he started scanning the ground for footprints. He hadn't taken a step before he heard a familiar shout. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Nilla walking towards him. Blood streamed from her head but she was walking alright? Anger flashed through him once more as he snapped, "What the fuck happened?!"

Her lips curled in disgust. "They had a sneak attack on us. Jasmine is dead. The District Ten boy got her. Your district mate hit me, but must have thought she killed me. Well she is greatly mistaken!"

"What in the actual FUCK!" Levi yelled in fury. She had taunted him as part of her plan! And he'd fallen for it, the idiot that he was! Well… things would be different from now on. He had a dangerous smile and put a hand on Nilla's shoulder. "Sera is smarter than I gave her credit for. But their little plan won't be… as planned anymore. We're smarter than them. We're more powerful than them. And there's more of us. Sera will fall by my hand. But first… let's deal with a little issue that will be waiting for us at the top. My district partner likes him. Hurting him will hurt her and she'll come for him. When she does, we kill them both."

Sharing a grin, Levi turned and led the way back. He may be hurt but Sera was about to get hurt even worse.

* * *

Xander walked carefully, noting anything that might betray his presence. Every time he heard a noise, he'd freeze. He felt like the wolf he'd seen once in the forest, quietly stalking but hyper aware of everything at the same time.

At last, he reached the other side of the camp. He saw a cleared area that seemed a bit more private than the rest. Guessing this would be where the girls were, he headed to a hiding spot nearby. There was sand grass that he could crouch in. Xander grinned. The grass, which afforded the girls shelter from the other boys, would betray them now.

He didn't have long to wait before one of them… the girl from District One… came to check her pack. Xander watched carefully. She was armed with a throwing knife and could hit him if she knew he was there. He could have surprised her there and then, but he preferred to wait. A memory of what Sera had told him - that he toyed with his prey until he got bored or it suited him. It was true. Xander's legs were starting to ache from the sustained crouching, but still he didn't move. He wanted her closer.

Finally it happened. She went to straighten her sleeping bag and scooted closer to him. The last thing Xander remembered before leaping was her name. _Jasmine_.

He had his sword high but he did make a slight mistake. He stepped on a rock a stride away from Jasmine, betraying his presence. But he had the element of surprise and was close when she turned suddenly.

Jasmine reacted faster than he thought she would, and side stepped. He slammed his shoulder into hers though, knocking her off balance. But she had her knives in both hands now and started sparring with him. Xander had to raise his sword defensively and lightning fast to parry the blows. She was quick. But he was strong. And he was more patient. She was just hitting out, not planning on blows.

Finally Xander knew he had the upper hand. The pace of the fight was fast, but he could see her tiring. And she knew it. She knew that he had more stamina, and she was going to lose this.

Xander finally made his move. He made a sweeping motion with his leg and drove in hard with her sword. Jasmine only had time to raise her knife hand when she was knocked back to the ground. She shrieked and ducked as Xander drove the sword down. He'd missed the vital place, and snarled. She had only made it harder on herself. He fixed his error, and was satisfied when the cannon fired.

Xander panted with the after effects of the fight. Then he made his big mistake. He should have been paying more attention. Instead, he failed to scout around immediately after the cannon, but only stared at the girl. She was pretty. Not as pretty as his Sera, but still. Then he heard a sound near him, far too close.

Will moved towards the shriek quickly. He stopped in his tracks and stared at his dead district mate. His eyes instantly flickered up to the boy from Ten and he got ready in a fighting stance. He watched the guy move towards him but then stop. There was movement from behind Xander. He laughed loudly when the bloody walking bodies of his partners came more present.

He now took the opportunity to taunt Xander. "Your district mate gave you more trouble than it was worth?" The glare that he got only made him laugh harder. His grin grew wider when he saw Nilla and he turned to Xander saying, "You might as well give up now. Three against one. One of which is pretty pissed."

Xander knew he was fucked. If he could take one of them with him, he'd be more than happy. He **had** told Sera he'd rather go out fighting, after all. So without a sound or warning, he threw himself on Will and grinned when he sliced his arm.

Levi moved fast as soon as he saw the tackle. He grabbed Xander by the shoulder before he had a chance to kill Will. He brought his knee up and let it fly into Xander, separating him from the other. Kicking the sword away from them, Levi commanded, "Get the fuck on him and hold him down." Once they did as he told them, he slammed a foot on Xander's chest. His spear was at Xander's throat and Levi was deadly as he said, "You are going to wish that we just came straight out and killed you. But I won't allow that. Not after that **fucking bitch of a district partner **tricked me."

Xander kept his breathing as calm as he could. He was screwed no matter which way he looked at it. But the fire blazed in his eyes. He was no stranger to torture, if that's what they wanted before they killed him. So, he glared at Levi, but then had his cocky smile, "You seem like a man quite frustrated. But I'm thinking the only way you'll get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

Levi raised his spear to kill but stopped when he saw the blood on it. He knew that Sera had snuck out almost every night to see the guy, what they did, and how they partnered up. He wondered curiously of what this guy thought of her. Deciding to find out he told him with a grin, "You see the blood on the end of this spear? It's Sera's. Drove it right through her stomach. I have to say if her screams of pleasure are anything like her screams of pain… I enjoy them very much. She'll come for you and when she does… I'll find out that answer for myself."

Xander's eyes flashed, and he tried to buck, but the others held him too tightly. He insulted him instead, "Really? Wow. Didn't know you had it in you. Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest? Huh."

Levi swung down with his spear and made a nice long cut over his eye, warning him, "Next time I won't be so nice and you'll lose your eye."

Xander had to breathe through the pain. He blinked to check that his eye was still working, and felt the blood running above and below in his cheek. He grunted, "You don't scare me. I've felt worse. Do what you want."

Kneeling down, Levi harshly grabbed his chin and forced him to look at him, "It's not yourself that you should be worried about. You should be frightened of what I have planned for Sera when I get her. Because you will watch her slow, torturous death with the knowledge that you couldn't do a single thing to save her. You just made it so much worse for her."

Xander snarled at Levi's touch. He wanted to kill the guy here and now, but he was helpless. "Don't underestimate her. She's a lot smarter than you. You should watch that attitude of yours. Just because you have one…" here Xander looked significantly down, "Doesn't mean you gotta act like one."

Levi watched him with an unreadable face. Ignoring the pain in his shoulder, he stood up and walked over to Nilla's side. Grabbing Xander's arm from her, and twisting it backwards, he told Nilla calmly, "Do whatever you wish to do to him."

Nilla grinned in delight. Walking in front of Xander, she bent over and purred, "Let's get this top off of you. Then you'll get something from it." Reaching down, she cut his shirt off with one of her throwing knives. She didn't care that she cut in deep, leaving bleeding marks on him.

Xander gritted his teeth, but said nothing. It hurt what she was doing, but the memories flashed through him. It didn't hurt as much as what had happened before. So he only glared at Nilla and chewed his tongue lightly to try and not react.

Nilla raised an eyebrow in surprise at the scars that littered his back. "You really are a bad boy. Lucky for you then. I love bad boys." She smiled as she trailed a finger down his chest.

Shivering lightly lightly at her touch, he flicked his eyes up at her. He knew what she was doing. And it was working. He was getting turned on, even if it was the last thing he wanted. He squirmed uncomfortably, but then in a flash of anger, he spat on Nilla.

Wiping the spit from her face, Nilla wagged a finger at him in disappointment. "Now, now. That wasn't really nice." She made sure that Levi and Will had a good grip on him before sliding into his lap. Pressing her knife against Xander's chest, she leaned over and whispered alluringly in his ear, "I can make your last time very pleasurable before you die. I know you want me. I can feel you. It'll be the best punishment you get while you're still with us."

Xander groaned as she wiggled on him. This wasn't fair at all. He bucked a few times, trying to get away, before realising he was making the whole situation worse. He studied Nilla, then decided to play along for the moment. He purred back in the way that drove most girls wild, "I think I like the bondage thing. Nilla… those lips… kiss me, honey."

Nilla laughed and pulled away and off of him totally. "Sorry, but I think I'll let Levi have his fun with you." She told him with a wink as she went back to her original spot.

Levi walked around Xander and studied him. Finally, he said, "Let's bring him back to camp and tie him up out in the open. We'll add as many scars to his chest that he has on his back. We can each take turns."

Xander struggled as they started to move him. He did manage to snap at Levi, "I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works for you. I still ain't afraid. And you'll get your comeuppance one day sooner than you think."

Levi didn't look back as he led the way back to camp, "Will that be before or after I kill her?"

"Does it matter? We are all haunted by something." Xander remembered what Sera had told him, and also used some guesswork. "For you...you want your parents to pay attention to you. Well guess what? If you come back a beast, you'll drive them away. You'll drive everyone you know away from you. And that girl you liked? She'll be scared shitless of you. You'll be alone for the rest of your days, however long that may be. Perhaps you'll end up killing yourself. Well, good riddance if you do. Everyone will be quite relieved when you're gone."

Levi listened in silence and paused when they got back to camp. Tying Xander up with some of Four's secret knots, he told the other two, "Have your fun with him now and get it out of your system. Once you both are done, he's mine." With that he walked away and went to look out at the Arena. He would not miss Sera this time. As soon as he saw her, she was dead on the spot.

Xander grunted as Will punched him. He was done insulting them. The goal now was to keep as silent as he could through whatever they did to him. Which right now seemed to be trying to give him as many bruises as possible. Xander knew the game. Start cutting a bruise, and you'll bleed quite a lot. He did wish that they would get on with it. He hoped Sera was safe, and that she'd get that asshole Levi after this.


	19. Chapter 19

"_If there's a single lesson that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so. Words and thoughts don't change anything. Language and reality are kept strictly apart — reality is tough, unyielding stuff, and it doesn't care what you think or feel or say about it. Or it shouldn't. You deal with it, and you get on with your life_."  
― Lev Grossman

* * *

Sera stayed hidden in her little rocky corner, a hand pressed to her wounded side. She was very much regretting a lot of things right now. She should have been faster and not hurt her leg. She should have avoided Levi's spear. She wished she'd never met Xander. She wished her mom had never been involved with this and made Snow angry. She wanted to be back with her sister and the unborn child.

Most of all she wanted everything to be over with. She didn't even care who won right now. Her plan had failed. And Xander was gone.

Alright. Time to reassess. He wouldn't want her to sit around like this and be a baby. And her mom and Ellie would be saying the same things. First thing: her new wound. It hurt like hell and at the moment, wouldn't stop bleeding. The good news was it hadn't gone through to the other side. One hole was enough. She kept pressure on it and that was the best she could do right now.

What next? Well, if she lived long enough, she'd be back home with her family. She had to keep fighting for that. Her mom's history, she couldn't do anything about. She just had to deal with whatever came.

Last was Xander. And the plan. Damn, it had gone so badly near the end and it was all her fault. Sera had cursed herself up and down when she had seen Nilla up and talking to Levi. It was one of the first things Ellie and she had learned in self-defence: _make sure that the person is dead before you go off. It could cost you your life. _Only this time it hadn't been her life, but Xander's life that she had ruined.

Maybe this was a good thing after all? That way, she wouldn't have to face her greatest fear: her and Xander battling it out in the end. It would have saved her the trouble later. So then the only thing she had to worry about was Levi and the other two Careers. She'd heard the cannon firing and Xander wouldn't have flubbed up his kill like she had hers.

Then she could go on and win and go back home and it'd be like she had never met Xander.

But she had changed in ways she would never have thought because she had met him. Hadn't she or was that just her imagination? No, she had changed. When she had first arrived at the Capitol she had kept to herself, pushed everyone away, and she had been so unsure of herself. But now...she knew she had a chance if she put her mind to it.

Even though she had changed, there was still one thing paramount. She needed to win. She needed to be there for her sister and the child. For her mother. She had made a promise!

But that would mean leaving Xander to die. Would it be better to just let Levi have him and kill him? Levi would surely drag it out but in the end Xander would die by his hands.

_No. I can't start thinking like that yet. He may have been captured, and who knows what is happening to him, but he needs me! Even if I shouldn't...I need to save him. For my own self. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't at least try something. But first, I need to patch myself up and think of a plan to get him out. One that works. For that to happen I need to get back to our campsite._

Grunting in pain, Sera hissed as she looked down at her wound. It was still bleeding, more than she'd like. That needed taking care of immediately. Good thing her stitches in her leg were holding for now, though her leg hurt a lot. Sera looked out into the dark and sighed again. This was going to be a long and slow walk. The only comfort was that when it got dark she would blend right in. That was one blessing she was thankful as she started the walk back to the old camp.

* * *

Xander leaned back and grunted. He hurt like hell. His body was laden with bruises. They had cut him a few times, and the one on his face hurt the most. He wished they had just skipped the torture and gone straight to the killing part. Well, what could you expect from Careers? They were trained that way. To be ruthless killers.

That made him think. He could be a ruthless killer too if he wanted to be. And he _hadn't _been trained that way. Xander shook his head. He didn't want to think about that. Think about something else. Something pleasant. Away from the current situation.

Sera popped into Xander's mind. Sera. She was so lovely. He hoped she was safe. She deserved to win. She had a lot going for her at home. People who loved her. And would welcome her with open arms. If only some of those arms were his own.

Xander grunted as he tried to change position. Now why had he thought of that? The simple truth. He couldn't imagine life without her. She had been the only person he'd truly opened up to. She had been just right for that. He felt safe with her.

Safe? He didn't need protection from anyone! He was just as dangerous as the next man! No… it was true. He was able to let that armour go when he was with Sera. She told him as it was, but was accepting of who he was too.

Xander told himself to stop beating around the bush. The simple fact was he loved her. But he didn't know how to say that. Does one just blurt it out? Just let it be known in kisses? In making love? How? With all the girls he'd lain with, not once had Xander ever said those three little words. And he wasn't sure how to start.

Well, it was too late now. If he read Levi right, he'd be killed soon. Likely they wanted Sera. Would he be killed first, or her? Xander growled to himself, and winced with the pain that brought. If only he had his sword. But then again, this just might solve a few problems. He wouldn't have to destroy his lover. Or vice versa.

Fuck that. It wasn't fair play. No one should have to sit there and get tortured for someone's mind games. He'd fight as long as he could. And come what may with Sera.

* * *

Sera was panting in pain by the time she made it halfway back to the campsite. Well, she hoped it was halfway or at least close. She couldn't take much more of the pain or losing so much blood. She wouldn't be able to make it back to camp at this rate. So, here was the best spot. And hope to hell no one attacked her.

Hopelessness hit her hard. This was useless...so useless. She may have been taught from the best of the best, read everything that could be applied to the games, but all that information turned out to be useless to her now. Now when she stuck in the middle of a _fucking _desert, probably bleed to death because she wasn't near her bag which had the tools she needed to stop said bleeding.

A sob escaped as she sank down against the rocky wall. It scratched her back and she could feel the temperature starting to drop as night came out. She looked around for anything at all that might help her. But the only thing she had on her was her one knife and some dry plants nearby that probably would be good for fire.

Sera shivered slightly from the cold air. She missed Xander's body heat. She had gotten so used to having him next to her to keep her warm that she had forgotten what it was like to be cold at night. Then she heard a small bell like sound in the air above her head.

Watching the box land near her, Sera reached over to it. A sponsor! She grabbed at the box and smiled up at the sky in thanks. Then she opened and took out the note first.

_You look like you could use this. Lucky for you I struck lucky enough to get a sponsor each that was very generous for either of you to win. Only the best for the both of my tributes. - F._

A frown made a way to her lips in concern. For both of his tributes Finnick had written. Which meant that Levi got a box too. It worried her that Finnick might have gotten Levi something dangerous like a weapon, but she couldn't blame him. He had to play by the rules too. And it seemed unlikely it would be a weapon anyways.

Hm. The first item Sera got she didn't recognize, for it looked like some metal rod. What was this? Well she'd look at it after opening the other thing, which was wrapped in a cloth (she must use the cloth for her wound).

A gasp escaped her as she looked down in awe at it. Inside the wrapping was her mother's dagger. The one that she had used to win her own Hunger Games. How on earth did Finnick manage to get her this? This would have been insanely expensive. Lots of tributes didn't get enough sponsors to buy them a slice of bread at this point let alone a weapon like her mom's. It had a 7" blade, that was sleek and dangerous looking, along with an ivory grip. The dagger was beautiful.

As pretty as the weapon was, the gift did puzzle her. She already _had _a knife. Yes, she used to have two, but she was still armed. Which meant definitely dangerous. So there must be some clue she was missing. Sera studied the thing hard, turning it this way and that. Presently it came to her that part of the handle was a different material than the rest. It seemed familiar somehow. It was the colour of flint.

Wait a minute.

Was it flint?

Picking up her own knife, Sera laid her mother's blade on the ground. She brought down the knife on the flinty area. To her surprise, sparks leaped up the strike. Then her eyes went wide with excitement. She could start a fire with it! Perfect, that's exactly what she needed now.

As best as she could, Sera grabbed all of the stuff around her to build a small nest of small tinder. Then she started experimenting on how to actually use this flint. It took her a few tries but she finally figured out the best way. First, she needed to hold it close to the tinder at about a 45-degree angle. Second, she needed to place her knife at the top.. She soon found out the hard way that to create sparks and not hurt oneself that the knife needed to make solid contact.

Sera laughed joyously when the first flame emerged. Carefully she built it up to an actual fire. It was warm during the cool night. And with the fire, she also knew what to do with her wound. It was still bleeding, made worse by her fire making attempts. This would hurt. She wished Xander was here to fix it for her. She didn't want to do it. But it seemed to be the only way to get the bleeding to stop.

Sighing, Sera placed her blade (not her mother's dagger) into the roaring fire. She held it there for about five minutes and pulled it out. The knife wasn't glowing red like she thought it would, but it was very clearly hot. Looking around, Sera grabbed a nearby branch, stuck it in her mouth, and leaned back against the rock. Reaching over, she uncovered her wound and breathed heavily in fear. This was going to hurt badly. Squeezing her eyes shut tightly, she pressed the knife to the wound and screamed in pain.

The pain was the worst thing she had ever felt before. It shot through her and consumed every nerve in her body. She was barely aware of the knife slipping from her fingers as she collapsed. Then the darkness mercifully took over her.

* * *

Xander sat with eyes half closed. He was still tied, and he appeared to be out of it. On the contrary, he was watching them carefully. Slowly twitching every muscle group, he bit back a groan. Well, he just plain fucking hurt. And getting thirsty. When he realized that, he jerked himself up a bit more.

He wasn't quite sure what the others were doing, but whatever it was, it would involve searching for Sera. He hoped she'd come up with a different plan, since this one was obviously screwed and fucked and out the window.. He needed to be on the ball. Seeing Will go by, he swallowed his pride and asked, "Water, please?"

Will stopped and sneered at him, "And why should we share our water with a dog like you?"

Xander shrugged, "I'm thinking you wanna keep me alive for a purpose. If I don't get some, I'll be dead sooner than you want."

The guy had a point. Will considered. This tribute didn't need any of their food. And they _did_ have more water than they could drink. But he wasn't going to help him drink, that was for babies. That meant one of two things: denying him. Or switching his hands to the front so he could drink himself. Deciding the latter would be better so the guy could be kept alive for Levi, he called Nilla, "Come and help me with this idiot. Don't want him crawling away, after all."

Nilla grinned as she twirled her knives in each hand. Putting one away into her bag, she stalked over to Will and Xander. Pressing the knife against Xander's cheek, she said, "He's smarter than that. He knows if he tries anything to hurt us or escape Levi will let us kill him immediately. We just needed him alive for the night to reassure that spoiled brat her play thing was still alive and to make sure she would come to us. We don't need him anymore."

Xander grunted as Will cut his hands free, then yanked them painfully forward and lashed them together again. He inwardly sighed as he watched the knots being made. There would be no way for him to get free unless he could cut it. But after that, a cup of water was pressed into his hands and he gratefully drank his fill. Xander didn't bother snapping at Nilla, knowing she would just hurt him more for the fun of it.

Now that he was refreshed, he was far more alert. Still fucking hurt everywhere. But he pretended he couldn't move much. Which, to be honest, wasn't that far off the mark. Xander's eyes darted everywhere, and then caught a very slight movement in the long grass. A movement that could be an animal. Or a person.

Sera moved as silently as she could. She'd made it back to the camp long enough to rest and eat and care for her wounds. The burn hurt. Her leg hurt. How much longer she could go she wasn't sure. She'd noted Xander had grabbed a bow and arrows and took that. Now she was creeping back to Levi's camp. This was probably suicidal but she needed to rescue Xander. Or at least try. After a few practice tries, Sera decided the bow was useless to her. The arrows she could throw with a good bit of accuracy. Good. Better than nothing for a ranged attack.

At last she reached a spot where she could see the camp and figure out a tentative plan. She saw Xander and the condition he was in. At least he was alive. Though it would have been far more merciful for them to have just killed him. This could be a trap. She would wait until Will was by himself before making a move. She didn't want to take on all three of them.

Xander stared at the spot that had moved, then looked away. If it was Sera, he didn't want to draw attention. He wasn't stupid. Finally, _finally_ he saw the other three get up. Hunting time? Will sauntered over to him and kicked him in the side, making him hiss and double over. "We're going to look for your precious girlfriend. And then have fun with you both."

"And… shit that hurt… leaving me… alone? Is that… smart?"

"Good point." Will turned to ask Levi, "Think he's safe on his own? I mean, he ain't going anywhere."

Levi looked around carefully. His eyes swept over the area taking everything in. "Stay with him Will. Sera is smart. I'll give her that much. Better safe than sorry. Keep up your guard."

Will pouted at that. He knew perfectly well once the two were gone, it would be the three of them turning on each other. But perhaps Nilla would win, she was a good fighter, smarter than even Levi gave her credit for. Then he could finish her off. Fine. He'd stay. After watching them leave, he glared at Xander, but picked up the prisoner's weapon. It really was a beautiful sword. He grinned as Xander's eyes burned into him but just kept on studying the sword.

Sera watched Levi and Nilla leave for good. They'd be looking for her but she bet they didn't expect her here quite so soon. Either way, she would only have a short amount of time to do this before they came back. Her plan was kill whoever was watching Xander, get Xander out while the other two were hunting, and leave no traces. She had managed to get the first step done. Now onto the second.

She raised the arrow and frowned slightly. It was different from knives or even tridents she was used to throwing. But there was no way in hell she was going to lose her mother's dagger. Her own knife had been damaged in the fire - she'd accidentally dropped it back in when she fainted. Still, even if she only grazed Will, then maybe it would be enough to get him into the long grass and kill him. That way she'd still have the slight advantage after all. So with that plan in mind, Sera threw the arrow and watched as it buried itself into Will's shoulder.

Will gave a cry of pain and spun to face… no one. The next moment he was flat on the ground. He'd forgotten Xander was so close, and the guy had kicked him. Writhing with the arrow sticking out of him, Will cursed. But Xander had managed to snag his own sword back, and with a few hacks, had gotten his hands free. His strength was already ebbing, so he knew he had to be fast. He had the sword already at Will's throat. Just as he sliced the boy's neck, a silvery dagger buried itself into Will's heart. The body fell limp from his arms.

"Heh. Good throw. That was fun, we killed him at the same time. Imagine that."

Sera only moved when the cannon fired and stepped out of her hiding spot. "We don't have time to rest on our laurels, Xander. The other two will have heard that. Glad you're alive though."

He chuckled and shrugged, "Still fucking hard to kill me." He bent down and yanked the silvery knife out of the dead boy and offered it back to Sera. "That's nice, where did you get it?"

"Package from my mom. I wrecked my other dagger. But here's what I'm gonna do about that." She used the ruined blade and stabbed him in the same place. There. That would be one weapon out of the Games.

Xander grinned before wincing. His face hurt too much for that just yet. But that gave him an idea. "Hang on." He lifted his sword and deliberately cut Will's face twice. "There…. Looks better...too. Now… cut me loose… and let's… get the fuck… out of here."

Sera knelt down and cut off the rest of his bonds. Helping him up by throwing his arm over her shoulder, she grunted out, "Let's go. I found a new spot that I moved to."

Xander groaned as he moved. He almost collapsed with that first step, but sheer will power made him keep his feet. Now was not the time to give in to what he wanted. Release from his pain. Sleep. He had to move. If only to merely keep Sera safe. One step. Then another.

* * *

Sera had quite the time of it getting back to her new camp. Xander was scarily weak and she had to half-drag and half-carry him. Levi wouldn't follow. Not tonight. Which she was glad for because it gave her a chance to look over Xander's wounds.

Finally they arrived and she gently lowered him onto the ground, being mindful of his wounds, and gently stroked his face once before dabbing at them to stop the bleeding.

Xander was still a bit in shock with everything that had happened, and so fast. The adrenaline from the fight was long gone. He blinked up at Sera, and finally spoke, his voice cracking for once, "You came back. Why did you do such a **stupid** thing?"

Keeping her eyes on the task at hand, her answer was soft, "Because I care about you. A lot more than I should."

He hissed in pain when she went over a deep gash. Taking a sharp breath, he said, "You know what? I found a bigger asshole than me."

Sera let out a watery laugh. Her eyes filled with tears and a few spilled over. She had missed his bluntness. "I never thought that I would see you again," she whispered.

He shook his head and winced at the pain that brought. Firmly, he told Sera, "You should have left me. I was willing to die. They… would never...have broken… me. No one...can ever...do that." He groaned again in pain as he tried to shift to a more comfortable spot, unsuccessfully.

"I could never have left you to die. I can't… not when I… when I…" She trailed off as she pushed him down gently. She lifted his clothes to get at the skin and started to gently scrub away the blood and dirt. Her nose scrunched up as she thought of what she nearly said.

_I love you._

Three simple words that held a lot of meaning. It wasn't ideal to be thinking… or feeling… like this. Not when she had so much at stake and so close to the end. But it was true. She loved him. Maybe that wasn't right. The thought terrified her.

He made her feel funny but in a good way. He had kept her going through this whole experience. But he would die. So could she. But she was determined to make it home to Ellie. Besides, they had made a promise to never let a guy come between them again. That had nearly happened once And Xander was an obstacle standing between her and her sister. Or could be. She needed to win. But she'd never kill him.

Sera went to tell him that she would be leaving after she tended his wound. She really meant to, but the words that came instead were, "I love you."

Her hands froze and her eyes widened. Instantly she dropped her eyes, bit her lip and gripped her own clothes to keep her hands from trembling. Why had she gone and blurted that out? It was inappropriate! Yet, it was right. Sera let out a soft, tired sigh. She was exhausted from fighting herself about this. Maybe it was time to take another page out of Ellie's book and just let the pieces fall where they may. She obviously had no control over what she was going to say or do.

Xander locked eyes with her. She was serious. Very much so. He could see it in her expression, her eyes, the tremble of her fingers. He winced as he reached to cup her chin. "Princess. **My** princess," was the only thing he could say. He didn't know how to express his feelings. He sucked in a breath as he pulled himself up and kissed her. He couldn't go as hard as he had wanted, but the fact that she was _there_ was enough for him.

Sera gasped for breath after she returned the kiss. She knew that he wasn't good with feelings and she wasn't sure what she meant to him, so she asked softly, "Tell me how you feel about me. In any way. I just… I just need to hear something."

Sighing, Xander laid his head on Sera's shoulder. He breathed in her scent and felt himself relax. In a whisper, he replied, "You are my world, in a way that has never happened. I need you. I want you." He moved again and gasped with the pain. "Please. Let me have you. Take my pain away."

"Okay. Let me take your pain away. I just don't want to hurt you anymore than you already are."

He sucked in a breath as he moved carefully. "You let me worry about that." He started to kiss her, but then abruptly pulled back. "Are you doing this out of pity or because you want it?" He winced as he touched the new gash on his face that crossed over his eye. "I must look like a monster."

Sera gently cupped the good side of his face. Softly she kissed his forehead, his eyes (being careful of the gash), his cheeks, his chin, his nose, and finally his mouth. "I have seen monsters and you look nothing like them."

"Thank you. I…" He was at loss for words for a moment, a rarity for him. Then he smiled, "You've been such a strength to me. I know I act the tough guy. And I am. But you keep me going. Thank you for seeing the inner me. And making me feel whole."

Sera cried. She buried her face into his shoulder and tightened herself around him. This was it. More than likely this was their last night together and it hurt her heart so much with that knowledge. Very much like on their last night in the stables, she just cried from everything.

A groan of pain escaped him as he shifted position. He leaned back with a sigh. "I wanted to make love to you. But I can't. I'm not strong enough. Hurt too much. I'm sorry, Princess."

Sera lay next to him and whispered, "I didn't want sex anyways. I just want you to hold me. I just need to know you are here."

Xander wrapped his arms around her and was quiet. When he spoke, it was with a note of remembrance. "I'll tell you something my grandmother said that I never forgot? I think it'll help you." He caressed her face, then told her, "I wasn't supposed to hear this. But she and my grandfather were in a heated argument. He was going to do something that was dangerous. He had brought his friend to help out, but she caught them. I never forgot what she said. _I've battled my whole life to become the strong woman I am today. If you think you can take me down after all that I've already been through, give it your best shot. You will not succeed._"

Sera went silent before saying quietly, "I'm only strong when I have people that are stronger than me around."

"You are strong enough, Princess. After what you did… letting yourself love me, coming back for me, your reasons for doing this for your sister… you are strong enough. Soon, you'll be stronger than anyone."

Sera took a deep and shaky breath. She didn't say anything but instead relished in his presence. Her mind went over everything that had happened since they had met and she asked hesitantly, "Xander?"

"What, Princess?"

"We were never careful. A mistake can happen from it." She muttered softly.

He laughed gently, "I am not usually careful. And I don't think anything we did is a mistake. You are worth everything. Including getting tortured for. Wait, that **did** happen. Oops." He gave a wry grin, but his expression told her he had no regrets.

This time the question came out breathless, only letting him hear, "What… what if I'm pregnant? I mean, if I win… I'd be raising it the same as I was. Without a father. My sister, as far as I know is doing the same. I don't want that.

Xander was surprised at the question. He shook his head and had a bite in his voice, "Then get rid of it. That's what the others did. You don't want a kid turning out like me. I don't care what you do." He couldn't help the walls starting to come up again, but he didn't want to think about such things.

Sera felt anger flash in her and she hissed at him, "If you for one second honestly think I would get rid of an innocent life that **I'm carrying inside me** then you don't know me . I said I didn't want to raise it that way… never once said I wouldn't do it at all! Besides I would make sure as hell it didn't turn into your bad qualities."

Staring at Sera, Xander considered her. Finally he was content to shrug it off, "Well anyway. I don't think it'll happen. And I won't be around anyway. So, don't worry about it. Let's just focus on living another day."

Sera huffed and smacked him in the chest for his blunt honesty. Damn him. She knew the baby thing bothered him. But those walls… she hated them. She wanted to talk more about her worries but for now she just went back to tending his wounds. He'd talk when ready. If ever.

When he saw the numbing cream in her hand, Xander grabbed at Sera's wrist. "Don't bother with that. Save it for yourself. You want that leg strong."

"My leg is fine. So is my side," Sera said testily. She jerked her wrist from his grip and went about putting on the cream whether he liked it or not.

Growling softly at the feeling of her rubbing the wounds, he watched with a glare. After the stuff had kicked in, he was calmer. "You'd have been useful after my floggings. Make me feel better, bite my head off for being stupid, but not blaming me anyway. And your hands always feel nice."

Sera sighed as she held the now empty bottle of cream. They were so close to the end of the Games. Four tributes left. Hopefully she didn't need more cream for her leg because now there really wasn't more. Sera dug through her bag and got two of her pills. Giving him a glare, she told him sternly, "Take these without a fight. Or I will shove them down your throat myself."

Now Xander laughed genuinely. He loved her like this. It was rather refreshing. But to keep up appearances, he pretended to snap. "Fine. Might have barfed them on you anyway if you tried that." He swiped the pills and tossed them back in his throat with a gulp. "Wouldn't have any liquor on you? Would have gone down better," he teased.

Sera rolled her eyes but slid down next to him. Laying her head on his chest, she just lay there in silence. "I want to make it home," she whispered after a long time.

Nuzzling her hair, he replied, "So do I. I mean, I want you to make it home too. There's not that many people to miss me anyway."

Sera sighed but didn't say anything as to not start a fight. There would be more fighting coming sooner or later. Probably sooner. Her mind went back on the conversation and she asked softly, knowing that this might piss him off, "If I were to have your child, I know you said not to worry, but I just… I'm curious. What would you hope for?"

Xander couldn't help the rumble in his tone. "No. We're not going there."

"Please? You talk about all the other girls that were pregnant but when it comes to me, you just shut down completely!" She couldn't help the note of frustration in her voice, but she just wanted to imagine the future - the one she knew they'd never have.

Xander closed his eyes. He couldn't have told why he felt this way. But he just did. Nevertheless, the last thing he wanted was to hurt Sera. That would happen soon enough. He wanted to be silent, but it just popped out, "A boy."

Sera was surprised. "A boy? What does he look like?" She asked as she shut her eyes to try and picture the child.

Pondering that, he slowly answered, "I'm not sure. I like my eyes best of my features. He should have them. I like the colour of your hair. Perhaps that. Skin could go either way. No predicting that." He shrugged and fell silent.

Sera hummed happily. "I can see a girl."

He looked over at her with that one, and asked, "Did you talk names with your sister?"

"I did. She didn't. She would rather not think about it until after the baby is born. Something about getting attached too soon. I don't see how she couldn't get attached. She is carrying it inside her after all. But going back to your question, hm. I like Abigail. Or maybe Lana for a girl. If it's a boy, maybe something like Bayou or…. Kai. I really want to meet my niece or nephew. No matter what it is, I just know the baby will be beautiful just like my sister is," Sera told him with a soft smile.

Xander nodded, then brusquely said, "Well then. Should we actually find out how pissed Levi is?"

"No." The word slipped out before she thought. After a moment, Sera reluctantly said, "Just let's have this one last night to ourselves. We'll go tomorrow morning."

He was very agreeable to that and snuggled in as much as his wounds allowed. He needed her warmth and comfort. And he knew she needed his. And this was something else new. Wonderingly, he admitted, "You know what? I've actually only learned snuggling with you. Thanks."

Sera hummed sleepily, the events of the day and night before catching up to her. She would have answered but she was lulled into what would be her last good night sleep for a long time.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are all enjoying this story so far! This is a big turning point in the story, so buckle in! Remember reviews are love and I truly appreciate my readers. <3

"_I finally understood what true love meant... love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."_

_-Nicolas Sparks_

* * *

Xander groaned as he woke after a very short sleep. He looked over at Sera, and drank her in. Life just wasn't fair, was it. At least it hadn't been to him. Shaking his head, he tossed those thoughts away. You played the hand you were dealt. Even if the cards were crap. He snapped his eyes around him, taking in the surrounding area. He grunted as he sat up, wincing. Then he saw the extra blood on the sand. He had been so out of it yesterday, he hadn't noticed that Sera was hurt too.

Cursing, he rolled her over and inspected the wound. Not too bad. He was washing it out with cacti water when she stirred.

Sera groaned and tried to roll away. Her eyes blinked open and she looked down to see what was bothering her. She grunted when she saw what he was doing and closed her eyes. "Levi got me with his spear when he came after me. Couldn't get away in time."

He made a non committal sound as he did his best with the wound. Flicking his gaze at her face, he shrugged. "That's how he got me around my eye. Except I was mouthing off to him."

"Of course you were. You always do, it seems." Sera shook her head at him and sat up with his help. She didn't feel great. He must feel worse even if she had probably lost more blood than was good for her. Pushing down that thought, she sounded more determined than she felt. "We need to go and find them. Better than them finding us. We are down to the final four and the Gamemakers are going to make sure we run into each other."

Looking about, Xander suggested, "Why don't we head down to that fucking river like we've been trying to all along? For one, we get a drink. Two, we can actually do something with these wounds. Three, they'll not want to leave such an easy source of water."

Sera sighed. She had a headache. Water probably would help that. Automatically, she touched Ellie's necklace and squeezed it for comfort. Grudgingly she agreed and added, "They won't be easy to fight. Levi is going to be absolutely furious and will want revenge. Nilla too. They're going to have the upper hand if we go to them. They know the area better than us."

Grunting, he stood up and replied, "They do, that. Will they expect us though? Or perhaps we go either downriver or up and pick a spot and make them come to us. Or… we separate as we planned in the first place." Xander didn't like that idea, but it had to be said. Today might be the final day.

Sera went still at the suggestions. She didn't like any of them, but there was one she would rather do over the rest. "I guess we separate then," she said eventually. It would be too hard if they were together if either of them died. Better this way. She looked into his blazing blue eyes and knew he felt the same. Yes, best to go now and hope for the best. They'd taken care of each other to this point. Now was the time to stop being dependent.

Xander rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was silent, but nodded. She was making the right choice. As he looked at her, he softly asked, "Then, one more kiss, Princess. Before we go from lovers to enemies."

She shook her head. "We really shouldn't. It'll make it harder and I'll want to stay." Still, she didn't move away from him either. Reluctant to actually leave him just after she had told him that she loved him.

His lip curled slightly, and he told her, "You know, most people think I don't pay attention to the rules. But that's not true. I do, so I can break them." He laid his hand on her arm, cupping her chin with the other hand, and let his piercing blue eyes bore into her soul.

Sera's breath caught in her throat at his gaze. Her body moved forward and she reached up to kiss him hard.

Xander moaned into her, and he poured out all his feelings for her in that kiss, including desperation and regret, but love bubbled to the surface. Abruptly, Xander pulled away. He paused with burning eyes on Sera, then turned away and walked off resolutely. He didn't look back once.

Sera panted hard from the kiss. She was glad that Xander had walked away when he had. It had been about to go in the opposite direction of what they had agreed to do. She watched after him before turning the other way to go.

* * *

Xander walked away, far away. It tore out his very heart to leave her, but he must. He'd get that bastard Levi. The thing to do was track him. He was injured too, so he couldn't have gone far from his camp. Xander decided that it was the best plan. If he wasn't there, then he'd be close by. Or perhaps he should follow Sera? Levi would be hunting her. Torn, Xander stood still.

Which way?

At last he chose a direction, and headed on out. No turning back now.

Meanwhile Sera walked in her direction. She stopped briefly, wincing in pain. Without the cream her leg was starting to hurt again. It also felt like it was bleeding too, despite Xander's care. She pressed her hand to it and came away bloody. The stitches must have broken, dammit!

She should do something about that bleeding, probably. She'd only continue to lose more and make herself more vulnerable. Sera looked around to see if she could find leaves or similar to help stop the bleeding. That's when she noticed a trail of blood behind her. "Fuck."

This was bad. Very bad. Anyone who wasn't blind could track that. She needed a place to rest and see if she could stop it with pressure from her hands.

She wandered aimlessly, stopping when she heard the slightest sound that could be dangerous. At last Sera heard the rushing of water. The river. Good. That was very good news. Perking up, she eagerly walked towards it and grinned widely when she saw a trickling waterfall that flowed into a small river that led down into the caves. She knew that they had been connected! Humming happily to herself at the find, Sera made her way to the river bank.

Carefully, Sera kneeled on the soft bank of the river. She took a deep breath in and smiled wistfully. While there wasn't any salty air to it the river smelled like the ocean back home. She felt a pang of longing before shaking her head and leaning over the water. She had better clean out her wounds to try and wash off the grime and blood from her body. She didn't want a worse infection.

It was when she looked into the water and saw the reflection of a person behind her. Sera didn't think, but acting instinctively, dove into the water. She heard a knife hitting the sand on where she had been and scrambled up into a fighting stance.

It was Nilla. The girl made a disgruntled noise, going into a roll and swiping the knife on the way and got to her feet. She gripped both her throwing knives in her hands, and matched Sera's stance. "Time for round two, is it? Don't worry. When I kill you, I'll make sure you're dead."

Sera growled but raised her own dagger. She didn't bother answering Nilla, instead watching her every move. This time she knew it would be her or Nilla. One of them would walk away alive.

Nilla prowled on the edge of the sand. She didn't want to go into the water. But it was looking like she may have to. Indecision crossed her face, then she put one foot in. Hissing at Sera, she told her as she made an experimental thrust, "You know, Xander was delicious. He never yelled when we tortured him. All those scars… did they turn you on like they did for me?"

Sera could practically hear her mom yelling at her: _do __**not**_ _fall for the tricks, keep calm and think! _Her mom would be right, so she kept her calm, only letting her irritation show by the narrowing of her eyes. She smiled as she watched Nilla slip. "What do you think they did to me? Also, this right here… it's my turf. Looks like you're having a tiny bit of trouble."

The other girl snarled, but to her credit, didn't lunge, even though it was apparent she wanted to. She wasn't stupid. She knew the game as well as Sera. She flicked her eyes quickly at the water. Surely there must be something sturdy to stand on. Nilla saw her chance. She backed away, pretending to give in. Once she was on solid ground, she made a dash, leaping out past Sera, into a rock. It was smaller and wetter than she'd like, but she was with reach, and immediately slashed at the girl from Four.

Sera cursed and immediately backed away, going with the current, bringing her dagger up to block Nilla's. She backed up some more, making sure there was a lot of space between tributes and there were no rocks or the banks near her.

Nilla knew there was nothing for it and threw one of her knives at Sera while leaping at her, intent on actually getting her this time. She wielded the remaining knife high and made a yelping noise when she got wet.

Instinctively, Sera twisted out of the way but hissed when the knife sliced her arm lightly. She couldn't help snorting at the noise Nilla made and began her counter attack when she heard a familiar whooshing sound and jumped backwards. She eyed the spear that had landed in the middle of the water. Right where she had just been standing.

_Fuck, just what I need! Two Careers and one that is my district partner._ There was no way she was going to make it home alive. She hoped Xander kept his promise to make sure her family was kept safe. However, she was gonna go down fighting and make her family proud.

Nilla looked up at Levi, and grinned at him. "Get your ass in here and help with this little fish!" Again she plunged forward at Sera, brandishing her knife, and a murderous gleam in her eyes.

Sera tried to scramble away but let out a loud scream as a spear swung up and missed her throat by an inch. She tripped over her feet in her panic and grunted as she landed on her back in the water.

Nilla started to leap at the defenceless girl, but she never made it. Suddenly Xander was there between them. He had the battle fire in his eyes and sword raised. Nilla couldn't react fast enough. Her jugular was slashed and she fell into the water, which now stained red with her blood.

Levi took the opportunity of the distraction and leaped at Sera. He went to bring the spear down on her, but it seemed that she had gotten her wits back and stopped the tip of his spear with the blade of her dagger. He smirked and asked cockily, "Do you honestly think that little thing is going to beat my spear?"

Sera grunted at the pressure as he pushed down harder. "No, but a sword will," she grounded out, letting her dagger drop, and quickly rolled off to the side.

Xander brought the sword down hard on Levi's spear, breaking it in half, then he smoothly shoved the other boy away. "Miss me? Come on, shock me and say something intelligent." Xander's eyes flashed and he had a smirk on his face.

Levi backed away but stopped while he was still in the water. He spotted Nilla's throwing knife and glanced between the two people standing in his way. His lips curled upwards, "No, but I must say I did miss my district partner."

Sera had stood up by then and shifted behind Xander, muttering in his ear, "He's trying to rile you up to go to him. He has something planned for one of us...but I'm not sure which one."

Xander grunted in acknowledgment, keeping his eyes on Levi. He shot back at him, "You think you're smart, do you? You must have been born on a road… because that's where most accidents happen." He held his sword at the ready but daren't move.

Levi only gave him a cruel smirk. He moved fast, kicking up water and mud at Xander. It hit Xander in the face, and while the guy was cursing and distracted, Levi quickly disarmed him and shoved him away back to the bank. He tested the sword in his hand, and while it wasn't no spear, it would do its job by killing Sera. Now his eyes turned on Sera and he told her, "I'll tell Ellie you say hello." With that he lunged forward and let it go towards her before she had time to move.

It never hit her. Xander made the biggest leap of his life, powered by adrenaline and love, and landed in front of Sera. He staggered backward as the sword plunged into his chest and he fell against Sera. He made a huge splash and a very queer sound that wasn't a yelp, grunt, or curse.

"**Xander!"**

That was the only thing that rang out in the silence of the river.

Levi kept his eyes on the scene, rather impressed by the boy from Ten, and moved towards Sera but stopped. He frowned as his eyes met Sera's dark brown ones. He saw pure fury, rage, and something else. The look that Ellie wore when she was about to beat his ass. That was interesting. He had never pegged meek, soft Sera to have such anger in her. Plus there was the matter of the dagger that was in her hand and he had no weapon at all. He highly doubted that he would make it to the dead Nilla's knife before Sera threw hers at him. It boiled down to one option: leave and recuperate.

Sera watched Levi leave before collapsing next to Xander in the water. Horror filled her and her hands shook as she pressed against his wound. A painful sob escaped her and she said in denial, "You're going to be fine. You just, you just need a lot of medicine. I can get it for you like you did to me."

Xander shook his head and tried to speak. Finally he managed in a choking voice, "Get... get… get me out… of… the water." He gasped in pain and gritted his teeth.

Sera nodded quickly and tried to pull him out as gently as she could. She wasn't strong enough and slipped on the river bank, sliding back into the water with Xander on top of her, and just sat there. She noticed that the water was turning red with his blood. Her hand ran through his hair and her voice shook as she said, "That's all I can do. Now… let me look… at your wound. I can fix it."

"You… can't," Xander gasped out. Blood was starting to trickle out of the corner of his mouth. "Sera, look… look… at me. Not… enough… time." He groaned as a spasm of pain shot through him, and when it passed, he was trembling.

Tears fell down her face, and Sera shook her head wildly, "I can! There is enough time! You're strong enough to hold on until I get it."

Xander swore. But then he sucked in a breath, "No… if you… pull it out now… I'll be dead… instantly. Leave it…. for now. Stay… just stay…"

A sob escaped her and she buried her face in his hair. "Why? Why did you do that? You could have gone home...but you chose the most **stupidest thing to do! Why?**" Tears flooded her eyes and fell into the water as she held him against her.

He choked a bit more, but coughed and that seemed to clear things up temporarily. "Because… Sera… Princess… I love you." He let his head drop back on her shoulder, exhausted.

Oh, Xander. There it was. He loved her. _He loved her_. And he was leaving her. A shuddering gasp of pain escaped her. Her heart broke. "I love you too. How can I take your pain away?" she asked softly through her own pain.

Xander again shook his head. He had too much to tell her. But not nearly enough time. He'd try anyway, even as the life was slipping away from him. "Take… your… bracelet back. Do… what you want with it. It's yours. And... remember… to talk to… who I… told you to." Xander had to stop briefly to breathe.

Her hands curled into his chest and her body harder from the sobs. But she nodded to let him know she would do both of those things. "When I get home, do you want me to tell your family anything?"

A wheezing started in Xander's breathing. "Just… to… hold each… other… close." He paused, and again the strange note in his voice, "One… more… kiss."

Sera's tears were freely flowing. "You always ask the hard things from me." She tilted her head down to kiss him softly on his lips. She held him against her, as if she could keep him with her forever. "I love you, so much, Xander."

He closed his eyes for one moment then turned his brilliant blue eyes that seemed even bluer now. "My life may not… have been a… fairy tale… but… you will **always** be… my Princess." The rattle in his voice increased, then was silent.

Xander slipped away.

The cannon fired a minute later.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get those tissues ready!

_The life that I have  
Is all that I have  
And the life that I have  
Is yours_

_The love that I have  
Of the life that I have  
Is yours and yours and yours._

_A sleep I shall have  
A rest I shall have  
Yet death will be but a pause  
For the peace of my years  
In the long green grass  
Will be yours and yours and yours._

_\- Leo Marks_

* * *

Andrew sat glued to his screen. Zen, his father - Xander's grandfather - had the time to sit and watch as well. Lillian, his mother, for the most part didn't leave his side either. They all needed to know if Xander got through this. Andrew had a sinking feeling that his son wouldn't. But then again, Xander had bucked all the rules, been able to stand up to the Peacekeepers (and live). Perhaps his rebel ways would stand him in good stead.

They'd seen his interview. Zen had genuinely laughed at it, even if Andrew was horrified. Xander had played his bad boy part all too well. Daisy was quiet and demure, as expected. There was little hope for her, but one never knew. She might be able to pull a surprise. But that would mean Xander's death.

Andrew had covered his eyes when the tributes were released into the Games. The beginning was often wrought with bloodshed. Would Xander keep his head? Get into the middle of the melee? It would be so like him… Andrew knew he liked to be in the middle of trouble.

It turned out Xander had sense. He had grabbed Daisy, surprisingly, and yanked her off to the side. Zen had cheered when he saw what Xander held in his hand: a beautiful sword. That was good...very good. They all knew he was just as at home with a sword as he was on the back of a horse. Perhaps this would be okay after all. They saw him disappear behind some of the buildings, and noted that this was a desert Arena this time. Andrew knew what the priority would be: water. Now the current question was: how long would his son stay alive?

He watched as Xander snapped at Daisy, who was already hurt. That wasn't good at all. His heart was in his throat as the other tribute came into view. Andrew knew Xander was good, but this other boy had a sword too. Would he have met his match at last? He watched in shock as Xander toyed with the other boy. Literally toyed with him. He hadn't known Xander had such a cruel streak in him. When had that happened? He reached for Lillian's hand as she gasped and turned away as the tribute dropped to the ground, throat spouting blood.

She whispered, "He killed him."

Squeezing her hand, Andrew's voice was quiet, "I know, Mom. I know. He will probably have to kill more."

"But…" Lillian sat up finally. She had always seen the good side of Xander. _This_...this was too much. But she couldn't pull herself away entirely. Too much could happen on the first day. She had to squint through her tears to see the screen.

That night was terrible. Andrew stayed up to watch and made his parents go home to bed. Zen would still need to get up for the horses, but Alex, his friend, had said he'd spell him for Andrew's share of the chores. For this time, the horses would get a rest from training. Nothing was more important than hoping Xander got through. As it was, he did get through the night.

Daisy didn't.

Andrew's heart broke for her family. He was proud of how his son tried to protect her from the girl tribute from District 7. She had been sneaky...Daisy too naive. It was very unfortunate that Daisy should have been surprised like that by Roslyn. But Roslyn met her end at Xander's blade. Andrew saw a different kind of fury in his son's eyes as he stood over Roslyn's body. That made him think. Did his son actually care about Daisy? As long as he remembered, Xander had never paid much attention to the younger kids.

That made him remember his son as a young child. He longed for those days again. When he had been able to hold him in his arms. When Stella, his wife had been alive. They had been so happy, the three of them. Even after Stella's death, Xander had been a happy child. Hard to handle at times, yes, but Andrew had just put it down to being a boy. Then slowly the change. The distrust. The rebelling against him. And others. How he seemed to hate Shona, his friend who often watched the boy as a child. Andrew didn't know what he could have done differently. He'd been tough on Xander, scared that he would attract attention. That had still happened.

The screen brought his attention, and he was glad to focus on this now, if only to escape the memories of the past. Xander was on his own. Andrew sat forward again, scanning his son's face. It was unreadable, but Andrew felt confident for once. Xander usually _was_ on his own. He liked it that way. He should be okay for now. If he could bypass the marauding Careers.

He sat up in surprise when he met up with the girl tribute from Four. Xander didn't attack her. Why didn't he attack her? He hadn't realized that he'd exclaimed this out loud when Lillian came in the house. "Why didn't he attack who?" she asked as she hurried to the couch to watch alongside her son.

Pointing at the girl, Andrew said, "Look! He had a perfect opportunity to kill her where she stood. But he didn't and now look! They've teamed up! What…?" He was really confused by his son's actions.

But Lillian laughed for the first time since the Games began. She looked over at her son slyly and said simply, "Because he knows her. Look at them. Their interactions. The way he's running his hand on her leg. And she's letting him. What does that tell you?"

Groaning, Andrew knew the answer. Xander had sex with this tribute. How _stupid_ could he have been to do that? He snapped aloud, "He couldn't even keep it in his pants at this time! What sort of kid did I raise?" Shrugging, he resigned himself. Xander did what he wanted most of the time. Andrew had tried. He'd caught Xander a few times with girls. Sometimes he beat him with his belt, even though he knew it was going to be useless.

Now he watched the girl too. Serafina. Sera. It was a pretty name. And there was something else. Xander was very comfortable with her. More must have gone down between them off screen.

The whole cave situation shocked Andrew. Never had he seen Xander scared like that. When he had been terrified, then begging...that was new. He gulped when Xander said, "_No. Don't go. They'll come. They'll come to hurt me. Please."_

Who was he talking about?

He sighed. He had noticed a few times that his son was uncomfortable in smaller spaces, but shrugged it off, and not once had he asked why. He wished he had now. This didn't seem like a simple _I hate spiders_ thing. This was a phobia. Andrew was so glad when he got out of there, but then had to shut his eyes. But nothing drowned out Xander having sex with Sera.

Zen walked into the house in the middle of that. He stared for one moment, turned around, and walked out. He couldn't deal with that. Not now. It was too much.

When it was finally over, Andrew heard Xander's soft voice. Anger burned inside at his admission. "_When I was young, my dad had a friend watch me. She'd lock me up when I was bad. Which was a lot. And she'd often get her husband to beat the hell out of me._" He stood up with blazing eyes. **Shona**. Shona had done this. And that _fucking_ husband of hers. They had abused **his son**. He was going to kill them both. Andrew wasn't stupid. He worked with horses all his life, and had noticed the similarities of them and people. Abused horses (and humans) had one of two reactions. They either hid away into a shell of themselves, or they lashed out in aggression and anger.

Xander had lashed out.

Anger was replaced with guilt. Crushing guilt. He'd had no idea. He thought Xander's bruises at that age were simply from playing. Being stupid as boys will be, especially active ones like him. In no way did he ever think someone was hitting his son. But then again, he had never once asked. Why had he been so blind? But he had. And it was too late to say he was sorry.

Lillian came with tea for Andrew and a small snack. She handed him his cup. She'd just had time to set hers down when she broke down in sobs at what she heard.

Sera's voice floated to them, "_I look to Ellie, my mom, Mags, and Finnick as the ones that make my world brighter and bearable. In here, it's you. But you don't seem to have anyone that makes this world brighter for you. And that's the most horrible thing I can think of above all else."_

And Xander answered, "_My grandmother."_ A sigh. "_She lights it up. But I never told her that. I tried to protect her from me."_

Lillian cried into Andrew's shoulder. She knew it. She knew how much her grandson loved her. He hadn't told her any of these things. And now she knew why. He wanted one person in his life to just see him as he was inside. He wanted someone to look past the daring rebel, the sex driven guy, the devil-may-care attitude...to the true heart behind the shield. She saw the real Xander. But no one else did.

Andrew comforted her as best he could. He wished he had been that person that lit up his life, but it was only _right_ that Lillian got that special place. She deserved it more than anyone else. "Go have a rest, Mom. I'll let you know if something happens. See, they're going to rest a while too. Then they need to show the other tributes."

Zen took his wife's place and softly put a hand on his son's. "Xander is tough and strong. I'm sure he'll make it." Under his breath he muttered, "He has to. So much rides on this."

The younger man looked at his father. He didn't understand what he was talking about. But he admitted, "Xander has always been impossible. Hard to deal with. How angry I got with him! And now… I'm thinking that I've been the one doing things wrong."

Patting Andrew's leg, Zen sighed. He thought back to when Andrew himself was small. Thoughtfully, he said, "Do you remember Cyclone?"

Andrew had to think back. There had been many horses over the years. But now that he mentioned it, there _had_ been a grey named Cyclone. And he had been a **bad** horse. He'd been dumped by that horse more times than he could count. Cyclone would rear, buck, and try to bolt off. "Yeah, Dad, I remember him. He was a hellion. What of it?"

Nodding wisely, Zen replied, "And you remember how everyone said he was impossible. Some of the trainers tried to beat him. But I kept saying no horse reacts without a reason. We kept working with him. Finally we found out he had a bone chip in his knee. He was reacting out of pain. That was his reason. We weren't able to fix it all the way, but we made it much better. And that horse spent his days teaching the kids to ride. There really was a good horse in there. He had been a quiet horse all along. But no one was allowing him to be. He was merely misunderstood. All he needed was the chance to be good. And he was."

Andrew took the lesson in. He had screwed up royally with Xander. The mere fact that he didn't know about Shona and her husband was eye opening. What else didn't he know? Zen was right in a way. Xander hadn't been allowed his own way to be good. Part of that was the fucked up world they lived in. The Peacekeepers being so present. But Andrew knew he had missed too many opportunities with his son. It was his fault. He'd only seen the bad kid. The impossible boy.

That was driven home again when Xander woke up in a nightmare. Andrew knew this all too well. He had the same things in another way… that Xander would die under the lash. The first time, Andrew had been sympathetic. The second time… he had been furious at his son. He kept pissing off the Peacekeepers. The nightmares had started then. Then the third time… had been the worst. Instead of giving Xander a number of lashes, they had merely beat him until he was quiet. That had been a long time, and Andrew had been scared that Xander would never give in. Then the nightmares were very much real. He remembered getting punched in the face trying to wake him up. That had hurt, but what hurt more was those ice blue eyes staring at him in hatred, even if it hadn't been real.

Shaking his head, he looked at the screen then realized what he was about to do. Xander was trying to get medicine for Sera. And how he was going about it… Andrew jumped up and stood in front of his mother, saying shortly, "Right, Mom. We don't need to see this part."

Lillian smiled and asked, "Have you ever seen him be so determined to help someone? I even understand why he's doing a strip tease. It's what he knows. Unfortunately. But I'm proud of him trying to help."

Sighing, he agreed, and to their surprise, Xander's ploy worked. He got what he needed, plus something extra for himself. He did have to laugh and agree with Lonnie's warning to _never see that again_. Now let's see if Xander followed that advice.

Zen came in from chores and settled heavily down. He was just in time to hear Xander's words:

"_I liked working with my grandfather and the horses. I remember watching him with the young horses. He was so patient with them. He'd say that you had to treat them right when they were small, so when when they're big they would trust you and do everything for you. We must not scare them, or be mean to them. Just lots of love and discipline as needed. I loved helping him. He...treated me the same as those young colts."_

Zen's eyes went misty at that, and his wife reached over to squeeze his hand. He whispered, "I tried. I tried my best." Andrew looked up at that, cut to the quick. He'd forgotten that from his father. He hadn't done the same to his son as the horses he trained. He thought he had, but now he could see that no, he really hadn't. And again, it was too late to apologize.

The next little while passed both quickly and slowly. The family watched with interest when Xander and Sera started making a net. What the net could be for, they didn't know. But they noted the bond building between the two tributes. This worried Lillian the most, for it was impossible that both could live. She had always hoped her grandson would find love. And not in just the having sex way. One could do that and not love the other person. But if he did love Sera, and then lost her… what sort of person would he become? He was unpredictable with emotions, preferring to hide away his true feelings and hitting out on others, but with _her, _he was soft and kind.

They watched with fear creeping through them as the tribute from 12 made his stand against Xander. But they needn't have worried. Xander pulled his usual sass, distracted the boy, and gutted him. Andrew sighed, partly in relief that his son got to live another day, and half in fear of his own son. Yes, he was afraid _of _him like this. And that was an uncomfortable feeling.

Zen had patted his knee and flashed an understanding look. Then he turned to the screen again at raised voices. Sera was yelling at Xander, and crying at the same time.

"_The world doesn't care about you! It doesn't care about you. It doesn't give a fuck if you die for it. But you have people that care and love you and you shove them away because you're too scared to let them in!"_

Xander blew at that. "_I'm too scared to let them in? __**They don't want me!**_ _I'm too wild for them. And as for the bloody world, I know far more than __**you**_ _think! It's just waiting for a spark...__**before the whole place goes to hell**__. Then… and __**only then**__, shall it be made new, like the Phoenix rising from the flames!_"

Zen blew a sharp breath. He knew exactly what Xander was talking about. And he had noted his grandson throwing little hints here and there over the course of the Games. But this was out and out dangerous. This was throwing the fat into the fire. But he knew Xander was both right and wrong. His family wanted him, more than anything. Right now this stupid system wouldn't want him, for he was right. He was too free and idealistic for them. But later… if Xander made it...

Lillian had gasped when Xander tossed his sword at Sera and basically told her to kill him. Would she do it? No… the girl tribute refused. She did smile how easily Xander put away his anger and focused on other things. That was him all over. That had come from working with animals. You might get mad at them, but never should one _stay _mad at them. They wouldn't understand. One had to live in the moment like they did.

The next day, Xander's voice came through the screen "_There is a lot of beauty in things if you look. The whiskers of a cat. The green of a leaf. A spider's web in the dew. The misty rain. The shiny hide of a well groomed horse. The curve of a woman."_

Andrew finally smiled. He sounded so like his mother. She had seen the beauty of the world around her. Xander looked like her, and he got his sassiness from her. Stella… how he missed Stella. But at the last statement, Andrew chuckled. That wasn't Stella. That was all Xander. And at that moment, he wouldn't change a thing.

Now he froze, and Lillian gasped. Xander had his blade on Sera's throat. She wanted to give up, and his reaction had been so fast. Hadn't he cared for her? Why was he so quick to kill her now? But it seemed he merely wanted to prove a point, and made the other tribute realize that fighting was worth it. Zen nodded at this. What was worth having was worth fighting for. That's what he kept telling his grandson. Of course, Xander liked doing it _literally,_ but he was glad to see that the lad had taken that message to heart.

Now the family gathered together when they knew Sera's plan was going down. Here is where things could get sticky. It was three on two. The last five left. Xander had made it so far into the Games, and Andrew was proud of him. He had already learned so much about him. He just wanted to tell him he was proud.

They watched Sera and Xander split up. Sera killed her girl. Or so she thought. Nilla had been merely knocked out. This wasn't good..._at all. _When the camera flashed to Xander, they watched closely. Lillian gasped when he slipped on a rock but kept his feet. Blade clashed on blade, but it was soon over: Emerald was dead and Xander was still alive. Andrew started to sigh in relief when it happened.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Xander was surrounded. Lillian buried her face into Zen's shoulder. Here was the moment he would die. Andrew was stone faced, but then to everyone's surprise, Levi did not kill him. Instead, he tortured him.

That was too hard to watch, so they tried to talk quietly, their conversation punctured by Xander's curses. That night, both Zen and Lillian slept in Andrew's house. This would end sooner or later. They needed each other. To stay closer like they had done when Andrew was little. As they should have done with Xander.

Morning and the camera was on Xander first thing before panning out to the others. Sera was clearly hurt, as was Levi. Xander seemed to be holding his own though. Then Sera did a surprising thing. She came for him. The LaRose family cheered when they saw her. She had to get him out! To die like that, bound and tortured...was unfair. For the first time since the Games began, no one was sorry when Will died. For the first time, they had someone to hate. Lillian often though of this afterwards. This must be how Xander felt a lot.

Everyone felt relief that he seemed okay. Very hurt, but alive and okay. They gave each other hugs in celebration, then watched what happened next.

Andrew listened carefully as they talked about not being careful with sex. He smiled to himself. He knew Xander had never been careful. But luckily, his son seemed to be impotent. So that wasn't a concern at all.

But then Sera said, "_Please? I...need to know. You talk about all the other girls that were pregnant but when it gets to me...you just shut down completely!"_

Andrew's jaw dropped. Wait a minute! He...what?! He jumped up and looked at his mother, "Mom? Did you know about this?"

Lillian had a sad look on her face, but replied softly, "Yes, actually. Not from him. He never talked about it. The girls told me, or I heard it from the parents. The first one was Sarah. You remember her, right? The quiet shy one. She lost her baby. She had a hard time with that… I know she wanted it so much." She sighed. She herself had hoped… but she made herself continue, "It was sad. She had a late miscarriage. Xander would have had a little boy. I know Sarah told him. I don't know what he felt about it though, for he never said anything." Pausing for breath, Lillian thought of the next one, "Meesha was next."

Interrupting, Andrew said, "But Meesha hates him. She never gave him the time of day."

"There's a reason for that. She didn't hate him before. But he got her pregnant. And she didn't want the child. She got rid of it, and never told him. I didn't have the heart to tell him either, and I thought he thought she had lost the baby like Sarah had. But I can see from this conversation with Sera he knew the truth. I wish he had talked to me about it. Things might have different."

Andrew was quiet. So his son had struggled with a lot of issues...some much bigger than he himself had ever done. "Were there any others?"

Lillian sucked in a breath, and admitted, "Yes. But he never knew. She hid it too well. Jilla… she never showed much."

Zen interrupted here now, "Jilla died of a heart problem though. She had no baby."

Shaking her head, his wife replied, "They lied about that. I was there. Jilla died in childbirth. It was a secret. The baby was given to Rachel. _Her_ baby died. But it was useless."

Andrew knew perfectly well what his mother was saying. He remembered Rachel's little boy. Now he remembered the brilliant blue eyes. Unfortunately the child had an accident and was kicked by a cow. By the time anyone had gotten to him, it was too late. He had been just two. And now Andrew would never know his own grandchild. He looked at Sera. If the girl was pregnant… a huge **if**, he still never know this one. And that was even if Sera somehow lived. He felt sad that he hadn't tried harder. Been open to sharing. Then perhaps Xander might have told him how he felt about these kids. "Did he know about Rudy?"

She shook her head, "No. No one told him. We didn't want him feeling guilty that Jilla died. If there's any more, I don't know about them. But I doubt it."

Andrew nodded. He felt the pain of loss… loss of children he had never known. He wondered how just what kind of father his son would have been. He himself hadn't been a very good example. But Zen had been. But now, unless Xander lived, they wouldn't know.

Again, everyone slept over that night. Lillian had a feeling that tomorrow would be it. The final four. They woke, haggard and worried and waited for the tributes to wake. As it was, it was Xander up first. He looked bad. That terrible cut over his eye… it was hard to look at. But Xander's eyes flashed blue, and Andrew took strength from Stella's son.

Soon enough, the two tributes were up. They were both injured, but able to get about. Zen nodded in agreement with the new plan: separate. It was best to break ties now. Hopefully they wouldn't end up having to kill each other. They had gotten each other here so far. But right now… Nilla seemed to be the one with the least injuries.

Lillian, with her practiced motherly eye, studied them all. Levi was wounded and angry. Nilla felt the loss of the leader. Sera was bleeding badly. Xander moved stiffly. She knew from experience her grandson could push himself to the limits. But what would the others do?

The camera followed Sera. Suddenly Nilla appeared and gave fight. Andrew was tense. He knew that Xander was tracking Levi. But who would find who first?

Tears misted in Lillian's eyes as it looked like Sera would be finished off. She was facing both Careers, and not much of a chance. "The poor girl…" she whispered. But her husband wasn't thinking of Sera. Where was Xander? He could not be that far from the three of them.

He hadn't realized he had spoken aloud when his grandson showed up. _Speak of the devil and he will appear…_

Andrew's white knuckled grip on his seat betrayed his tenseness. He didn't comment when Xander killed Nilla without a thought. Now there were three.

"Dammit!" Andrew shouted as Levi temporarily blinded Xander. Xander had broken his spear and could have taken him! But now the sword was in Levi's hand. He prepared to throw it at Sera. Just as it left the tribute's hand, there was a sudden blur.

Lillian could not help a scream when the blade sliced through Xander's body. The family sat completely horrified. Andrew was in shock, _No. No! No no no… it can't be true. It missed him. Just grazed him._

Sera's scream: "_**Xander!**_"

After Levi withdrew, Sera huddled over Xander. They could hear his gasps and pained choking. Zen groaned with his own pain. He knew just as well as Xander did if Sera took the sword out, he'd be dead instantly. Perhaps that would be more merciful. But he knew it wouldn't matter either way.

Sera's voice came through, "_Why? Why did you do that? You could have went home...but you chose the most __**stupidest thing to do! Why?**_"

Andrew was just thinking the exact same question of his son, but Xander answered both of them:

"_Because… Sera… Princess… I love you."_

He stilled at this declaration. They all knew Xander too well. How no girl had ever heard those three little words from him. And now here it was, from his dying lips. He sacrificed his own life to save the one he loved.

Lillian was already crying. Zen held her tight, and let his own tears fall. Andrew was too much in shock to react. He wanted to close his eyes. To look away. To pretend this wasn't real. But he loved his son too much. He would be with him to the very last.

Andrew got one more glimpse of his son's brilliant ice blue eyes. Eyes he would never see again. When the cannon fired at last, he broke down.

Only Zen watched the screen now, his arms encircling his wife. He made one whisper to the screen, "_Sera. I'm rooting for you. Get that bastard for Xander's sake. And I'll help you. I'll tell you what you need to know. Thank you… for loving Xander._"


	22. Chapter 22

"_Regardless of all our pretenses, deep within, we are still unconsciously the same old cave-people._"

― Abhijit Naskar

* * *

Sera sat in the red water with Xander's body still in her arms. She kept her fingers on his neck, her ear low enough against his lips, and her other hand against his chest. All in hopes any of these would tell her that he was still alive because **he couldn't be dead**. He just couldn't. Not Xander. Someone who was so filled with life and had so much for him at home couldn't be dead. She didn't want to believe it was true.

But the more she sat there, gently trying to shake him, refusing to look at the terrible injury and remembering how he said not to touch it, the more she couldn't believe the entire thing that'd happened. She called him softly, "Xander?" When he didn't answer, she shook him a bit harder and said louder, "Xander?" Again, he didn't answer. She desperately leaned down in his ear and shouted, voice cracking and pleading, "Xander?!"

No answer.

Sera's lips trembled. It was true. The thing seemed impossible and yet it had happened. She wished with all her heart it was some prank. That he'd jump up and say "Got you!" Oh, she might murder him over again for that but at least it would mean he was alive. And then they'd figure out a way to kill Neptune and keep each other alive.

But it couldn't happen. His face was stiller than even in sleep. And she had seen him so peaceful in sleep. Closing her eyes, she pressed her forehead to his one last time. "I love you too Xander." She took a deep breath and tried to get her growing emotions under control. Breaking down right now would not accomplish anything. And his body deserved to go back to his family. Back to the people that loved him the most.

Before she lowered his body into the water, Sera paused and took a look around. She didn't hear or see anything, but right now she didn't really care if Levi had come back to kill her. She just wanted to be here with Xander. She almost wished for forever, but that was not practical. After another glance - and finding nothing - she gently lowered his body into the water and moved to his ankle. The water was cool on her skin, making Sera feel colder by the minute, and she undid the bracelet she had given him. A sob escaped her as she hooked it around her wrist again. She pressed her face against his side for a moment and let the memories of their short time together consume her. Then she kissed his hand, got up slowly, and walked away without looking at his body again.

Though she whispered again, "I love you, Xander LaRose."

* * *

When Sera took herself far enough away from the river, far enough not even hear the sound of the water, she collapsed in a heap on the ground. She was exhausted. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Time for a check of herself. She was hungry. Nothing she could do about that - the last of the food and water was gone from last night. Her muscles were sore from the long hike. Her leg was oozing again. Again, she couldn't fix that. Her bag was still at the river. She wasn't about to go back for that.

So that left her with just her mom's dagger and her bracelet.

Yes, she'd deal with Levi first. Grieve Xander later. That was the new plan. Yet it seemed her mind was going to betray her. As soon as she relaxed the memories came back to her. Fighting Levi and Nilla. Xander showing up. Nilla's death. Levi knocking Xander away and throwing the sword at her. Xander **taking **the sword. His dying words to her.

A sob escaped her as her heart throbbed at the thought of Xander. If she had thought all of the other deaths had been hard, she was wrong. So very wrong. This one hurt much more than the rest because she had gotten to know him. She had gotten to love him. When she shouldn't have.

She was going to have to deal with this now. Sera made sure she was in a spot where she couldn't be easily seen by Levi. Then she let herself go over it all from the beginning. Meeting him, going with him, and seeing the horses for the first time. The pointless sex that had turned into meaningful sex at some point. Working together in the arena. Everything that had between them in this awful place. The meaningful talks. All of it swirled in her head.

Sera didn't know how long she cried for, but she must have cried herself to sleep as the next thing she knew she woke up to the bright morning sun and the ground shaking beneath her. It surprised her to her feet. Sera looked at the nearby rocky wall and saw part of it crumbing, the rocks and stones rolling down mightily. Oh shit! She knew it was the Gamemakers doing this. They'd drive her and Levi together. It was time.

Quick as she could, Sera ran through the falling boulders Her feet pounded on the desert floor and her injured leg was throbbing from the running. But it was either run or get crushed. And she really didn't feel like getting crushed. Not today! Not when she was so close to winning!

She dove and rolled to a stop as sand settled around her, blocking her view from everything. Coughing and waving her hand over her face to get it away from her face, Sera knelt until the dust settled. Where was she now? Ah. Dammit. The gamemakers had forced her back to the Cornucopia which meant that they were looking to end things and get a winner. At least District Four would be getting a Victor this year.

Levi would be close somewhere. That much she was certain of. She clenched her dagger and her body that was on fight or flight mode. Hopefully her fighting would be much better than her flight. Right now, flight sucked.

Not seeing or hearing anything or anyone, Sera took a step forward warily. This is what the gamemakers and Capitol people wanted. They wanted a good fight that would lead to a death. The more brutal of a fight the more hyped they would get. She had nasty feeling that this fight between her and Levi would be brutal. They were both injured and both truly had everything to lose and win.

A sound from her side! Sera spun around quickly, but not quick enough, and caught something silver coming at her. There was no time to react before she felt a blinding pain in the side of her head. She stumbled to her knees, pressing a hand to the back of her head. It came away with a bit of blood and she was dizzy. Thankfully she'd not dropped her mom's dagger. Tightening her grip on it, she got to her feet and glared at Levi. Neither of them moved as they just watched each other.

Levi had killed Xander. Levi had tortured Xander. Levi had opened up to her and made her confused. Levi had insulted her but also complimented at her the same time. Levi had compared her and Ellie and looked down at her. Levi had hurt her. He had played games with her. Mind games that she hated with a passion. But now, she **wouldn't **give him the satisfaction of playing with her like that anymore. It was time to stop the cycle.

It was too much. She screamed in rage, ignored everything her teachers had taught her, and acted on her anger. She flung herself at him, swinging the dagger this way and that way, trying to hit him but not succeeding. Then he was in front of her with his own knife, Nilla's knife actually, and parried each flailing hit. Then he grabbed at her with both hands and next thing Sera knew she was on the ground. Again.

And there was something pressing against her chest. And something pointy. Sera gathered her wits long enough to realize that Levi was kneeling on her with the knife in his hand. "I did tell you that you had Isabelle's blood running through your veins. Too bad that it wasn't enough."

Xander was right. Xander had told her once he was afraid of being too much like Levi, and he was right. Only Levi and Xander played around with their victims like this. Except that Levi took it way farther than Xander ever did. He tortured the guy after all. Maybe he was going to try to torture her too. She struggled for her knife, just out of reach and refused to answer him.

"I must admit I'm not really surprised you made it this far. You are smart in the ways of making plans. Of taking in account of your surroundings and opportunities to make it work. The only thing that stops you from being a formidable foe like Ellie…" He paused here and pressed the knife against her throat enough to let a drop of blood slip down. "The only thing that stops you is the fact that you want to stick by your morales."

Sera felt the knife press a bit harder against her throat. She locked eyes with Levi, unable to look away, as he continued to speak. "Poor Sera. Always walking in her sister's shadow. Trying to act like her, be like her. You aren't good at anything other than bringing pain and despair to the people around you. To all of those families of the kids you killed. To your own lover's family. **To your own family.**"

Levi trailed the tip of the blade to the necklace hanging around her throat. He picked it up with the tip of his blade and studied it. He had seen it enough times on Ellie to know it was hers. He turned the blade to cut it into the string. He smiled down at Sera and said in a cruel voice, "This is a good thing, Sera. To end the pain you bring them and when you go home, your sister won't need her lil baby sister or her necklace anymore. Someone so strong wouldn't want to be associated with someone as weak as you." With those words, Levi brought the knife up and severed the rope of the necklace.

She couldn't say a thing as she watched the necklace go flying everywhere. He had destroyed her sister's necklace. It had always represented the hope of going home and the support she had there. And he broke it.

Well, he might have broken that but she would not break her promise to Ellie. She had told Ellie she'd do everything in her power to get home. And she promised Xander that. Xander had _died_ to try to save her! She wouldn't let both of them down.

Especially not when stupid Levi was gloating at her.

She tried once more to reach for her dagge but it was still tantalizingly out of reach. Her hands dug into the sand and Levi wasn't budging an inch. _Come on, come on! Think. I need to think of what Xander said. He said something important. _Levi was saying something else, something else taunting and pointed more at the camera he was sure was there. Stupid boy.

_Levi...well. He wants to be the boss and won't take no for an answer. But he's weaker on his left. He doesn't really protect his left leg well._

That was it! Levi was weaker on his left side. The side that her knife was on. Suddenly she knew exactly what she'd do. "Is that right?" she sassed at Levi as he snapped his eyes down to her. She threw a fistful of sand at his face. To her satisfaction, he yelled. What was even better was when he shifted his weight, fully distracted with the pain in his eyes. That gave her just enough room to reach her knife and drive the blade directly into his left kneecap.

If he yelled before, he screamed now. Sera yanked the dagger and stabbed his leg again and got shoved away. She got a very solid kick to her stomach. She nearly threw up but she was determined.

The good news was at least he wasn't on top of her body now. The bad news was she'd lost her dagger in his jumping around. But he'd dropped his knife too.

Levi, wild with pain, lunged at her and they rolled around fighting for their lives. It was like they weren't even civil anymore. Each of them in a primitive state and using their bodies and strengths to one up each other. She bit, scratched, clawed, and only remembered some of Ellie's moves. He yanked her hair, punched, kicked, threw her, and kept trying to pin her down to the ground. Each time he tried that, she would squirm out of his grasp in some way and the fight would start over all again.

Finally, Levi threw her hard enough for her to skid against the desert floor and stop beside her mom's dagger. She didn't think and grabbed at it. She clutched it in her hand as she rolled onto her back. Her mom's dagger slammed into his chest. Her eyes met Levi's eyes and she hissed at him, "I win. I told you I would keep my promise to my sister."

Levi gurgled on his blood before his body slumped down to the ground.

Sera stared at his body with pleasure in her gaze. The pleasure was quickly replaced by horror at what she had done. Everything went hazy. She faintly heard the cannon fire, followed by words being spoken. There was a whirl of a helicopter and then Levi's body was gone. She felt something lift her up and hands grabbing at her. There were voices and blurry faces. Then a pinch in her arm as everything disappeared from sight and the voices went quiet. At last, she didn't feel anything and she was more than fine with that.


	23. Chapter 23

_Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.  
_ _\- Anthony Brandt_

* * *

Isabelle sank into a chair in the hospital and buried her face into her hands. As soon as Levi died, she'd run out of the room. Someone had brought her to the hospital - she didn't even know who - and left her in the waiting room. Her mind wouldn't stop replaying that last fight when it was just Sera and Levi. One or the other. One must die. And if it were her daughter, she'd have to put on the brave face and 'be glad' because it was one of her tributes who had won.

The feeling that rushed through her the instant the cannon went off and it was Levi who had died… she'd not forget that in a hurry. And now here was Sera! The medical professionals allowed her to see Sera briefly as they rushed her to the treatment room. It worried her the amount of blood that was covering her daughter plus on how pale she looked. That had scared her to the soul. She had gripped Sera's hand, running along with the doctors surrounding the bed, muttering words of comfort to her, until she had gotten told she couldn't enter the actual room.

Well, that hadn't gone over very well and she had gotten pissed that she couldn't be there. But then Beau showed up. Sweet, caring Beau that shouldn't be there but was because it was his daughter that was going to be undergoing the procedures. And he would be the one to do them. Isabelle owed him everything. She was so glad that someone she knew was going to take care of Sera. She trusted Beau with her own life and their daughters. Which led to where she was now: waiting in a forsaken waiting room, on a hard as rock chair, worried and guilty out of her mind.

A head peeked in the room after some time. A gentle voice said, "Isabelle? I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Lonnie Delmer. Xander's, ah, mentor. Could I sit awhile with you?"

Isabelle glanced up at him and asked bluntly, "Why? Why should my daughter matter to you? She got your tribute killed. You should be pissed at me like the others are."

"She mattered to him. That's all I need to know now," Lonnie told her calmly. "And she didn't get him killed. He made a choice. And I must respect that choice. But I am not angry at you, or Sera. And least of all Xander."

Isabelle sighed and nodded at him to sit down. "He saved her twice. I wasn't expecting that of him. He was an ass to us. To you, his own mentor. But Sera did what she always does and sees the best in people. It's going to get her killed one day," Isabelle said softly.

Lonnie actually snorted, but quickly explained, "Yes, he was the biggest pain in the ass. And I use the term 'mentor' quite loosely. He never listened to a word I said to him. He threatened to punch me out on the train. But for all that… I have to say he did a pretty good job after all. And Sera is - was - lucky to have him around. He's used to seeing all the bad in people. But when he makes up his mind about something, that's it. Like saving her." He had a small smile on his face at that and shook his head softly.

Isabelle sighed for the umpteenth time. She went silent after that thinking back on everything that had happened in the arena. It had been a roller coaster ride and when they went to visit District 10 in the next six months...she would personally apologize and thank Xander's family. It was the least she could do for the boy that had sacrificed his life for her daughter's life.

The District 10 mentor smiled again and told her, "It might not seem like much, but I'm glad Xander got some happiness, such as it was. Sera is a strong girl. And you and I both know she will need much help. But you are a strong one yourself." He patted her shoulder and tipped his head, "I won't keep you much longer. I'll just tell you this. I was cheering for your daughter just as much as my tribute."

Snapping her eyes to him in surprise, she had a small smile. "Thank you. I wish I was half as strong as Sera is, but I'm not. But she has a whole support system here and at home that will help her survive."

"Good, I am happy to hear that," Lonnie said as he stood up again. "You need anything, you just ask. And good luck. I'll see you again on her Victory tour." Again he tipped her a polite nod, but there was warmth in his eyes before he turned and left again.

Isabelle glanced at the doors that Sera went through and wished desperately for a drink. Drinking was something she did only close to _their _deaths and she didn't want to leave her spot here in Serae Beau came out with some news. But she was getting fidgety without anything to do and cursed, "Dammit. Why did I have to start drinking in the first freaking place? Stupid addictive habit that I don't want to give up."

A cheerful voice echoed, "Someone call for a drink?" A scruffy looking man with blonde hair and beard grinned at her with a bottle in his hand. "Oh, well, if you don't want this, I can always take it back."

Isabelle scowled but couldn't help the small smile come to her face. "Drinking is prohibited on hospital grounds, you know that, Haymitch." She sighed again, "As much as I want one I better not. Sera needs me sober and not drunk when she eventually wakes up."

He laughed heartily and said, "And when do I follow 'rules', Isabelle? If it makes me feel better, well then. A little nip won't hurt anyone. I promise not to get you drunk. Not like _last time_, eh?"

Now Isabelle snatched the bottle from his hand and took a good gulp, letting the liquor slide down her throat, before handing it back to him. "I don't even remember the reason why I got drunk with you last time." She eyeballed the liquor and told him quietly, "Sorry about being drunk when we first met on your Victory tour. Not the best example to be on a new winner."

He shook his head and shot back, "Nah, don't. I've been drunk for a few years straight, I think. At least that's what they tell me." Haymitch eyed her back and was as usual, blunt, "Glad your kid made it."

"Sorry your tributes didn't. I know you had high hopes for your boy. He was smart, talented, and able to hold his own. You normally don't get tributes like that." She replied as she curled her fingers into her palm.

Haymitch scoffed and said brusquely, "They're all a bunch of kids that don't have a head for fighting. I wouldn't have fallen for such a stupid trick as what the LaRose kid pulled on him. If he had been paying attention! But what can you do? I wouldn't have wanted **that** tribute. I think I'd have killed him before he got into the arena with the crap he pulled."

Isabelle snorted and told him, "I nearly did kill LaRose. I found him out in my hallway with Sera. Looked like he was ready to pounce on her and do her right then and there."

Shaking his head, Haymitch had to agree, "He had guts. But so did yours. I wouldn't say Sera is you all over again. She ain't. She's her own person. And that's good." He grinned at her and took another drink, "I wish I could steal more of this for home. You can't get such good stuff there."

Isabelle did laugh loudly then. Haymitch just had a way of cheering her up without even realizing it. "Ah, I'm sure you can find more than enough to tide you over until you're passed out drunk. Just don't go killing yourself on the stuff. I won't be able to find a good drinking partner like you and I'm too old to start looking for another one."

He chuckled and shook his finger in her face. "You behave. An' I gotta ask you. Your Sera made lots of good decisions and mistakes like we all did. But really? Her and him bangin'? Was that necessary?" He rolled his eyes and snorted.

Running a hand through her auburn hair, Isabelle admitted, "I told her not to! But she didn't listen to that particular thing. Hell, Haymitch, I'm just glad I was able to raise them both right after…" She trailed off as she tried to push away unwanted and unnecessary memories.

Haymitch looked at her then and was serious for once, "Life sucks sometimes, Isabelle. And there are too many lies told, things afoot. You do what you can to survive. And you've done a hell of a job with your kids. Are you perfect? Nah. Who wants that? There would be nothing to strive for."

"I never wanted either of them to have my life. Not this kind of life, you know, full of killings, lies, not being able to be yourself, and a whole bunch of fucking stupid things. They were supposed to soar away and now both of them are stuck in it. Snow isn't going to be happy that she won. Not one bit.".

Shrugging, he replied coolly, "Have you noticed that Snow has as much personality as a dead slug?" He shook his head again and pointed out, "My life isn't all roses either. I deal the hand I was dealt. Of course, some say I'm not dealing with it at all. But fuck that." He snapped at the last part and looked to the ceiling with haunted eyes.

She reached over and clamped a hand on one of his. She squeezed it comfortingly and said softly, "We've both fucked up the first time around and it got those we loved killed. But we have a second chance to make it right."

He looked at her and bluntly said, "**My** family and my girlfriend are dead. How the hell am I supposed to make that right? I can't. No one can." Again he reached for his bottle, taking a long swallow.

"So are my boyfriend and my one year old child," Isabelle replied back bluntly. "But I have two more kids and a grandchild on the way. I need to make this world right for them. As for you...when you meet the right people, whether some tributes or someone else entirely, you'll try as hard as you can to make this world right for them so they don't suffer as we are."

"Perhaps you have the right idea," Haymitch said slowly. "Well, only time will tell if you're right. Trouble is, how much time do we actually have?" He switched thoughts and told her straight, "I have thought repeatedly on killing myself. Perhaps I am with drinking. But somehow I ain't dead. And somehow, I can't make myself actually do it. Perhaps I **am** waiting for the right thing before I blow my brains out."

"Haymitch!" Isabelle snapped. She pointed a finger in his chest and told him warningly, "You go and blow your brains out or die some other way...I swear I will hunt you down in the afterlife, bring you back alive, and kill you myself. You are my only...my only longest and dearest friend and I ain't going to lose you." She finished by blinking back tears and adding, "I refuse to lose anyone else that means a lot to me. Including you. So deal with it."

That made him roar with laughter, "Oh sweetie, you'll resurrect me to kill me all over again? You bitch." He grinned at her and bantered back, "How do I know that all this liquor isn't actually acting as a preservative and I'll outlive everyone else?"

Snorting herself now that more serious topic was off the table, she shook her head. "You'll die one day. Just not today or anytime soon. Got it?"

He saluted her cheerfully. "Yes, ma'am!" Clapping a hand on her shoulder, he offered, "Want one more drink, hon? Or shall I keep my… ahem… _preservatives_ to myself for the train back home?"

She took the offered bottle and took one last big gulp before handing it back to him. "I need all the preservatives I can get."

Again grinning at her, he stood, staggered, then managed to right himself properly. "In Serae I didn't tell you, congratulations. Sera did a fine job, and you should be proud of her. And she has the best on her side."

"That means a lot to me, Haymitch. Thanks. Try not to embarrass yourself too much while drunk." She parted with a teasing smile.

Haymitch shot her a middle finger but with a rakish smile and playfully said, "Shut the fuck up. Now I'll scram and you do… whatever you do." Then he spun and meant to march out the door. Unfortunately he ran _into_ the door first and grumbled, "Why do they keep moving these stupid doors?!" But then he got it right and managed to leave without further mishap.

A deep rich laugh echoed through the room, startling Isabelle. She turned around to see a tall familiar figure shaking his head at the retreating Haymitch. "He never changes does he? But he's right, Isabelle. Sera did a good job out there and you should be proud of her like I am."

Isabelle shot up to her feet and said anxiously, "Beau? Beau! Is she going to be okay? How bad off is she off? What took so long? And how long have you been standing there?"

Beau looked at her calmly. "One thing at a time. Let me make something clear. I'm not doing much public health, mostly the very elite, like Snow and his family. I do take on those who need my help and deserve the utmost care. I need you to have faith in my abilities as a doctor"

"You know I very well much acknowledge and appreciate your abilities in the healing field. I trust you with my life and their lives. Just tell me how my daughter is!" she snapped worriedly. Instantly she looked down at the ground in shame and apologized, "Sorry. I'm sorry for shouting. It's been a long, emotional week. I just want to know how she's doing and if she's going to be okay."

Beau's eyes softened and he reached over to squeeze her hand softly and told her calmly, "She's going to be fine, Isabelle. She's strong. But it will take a while for her to heal physically and mentally." He paused to let her gather her wits before continuing, "Let me give you the list. Sera is slightly dehydrated, sunburnt, and underweight from lack of food and nutrients. She's also lost a lot of blood, but we have her hooked up to a blood pouch. She has a mild concussion to her head, which also needed stitches."

Isabelle relaxed a bit but asked cautiously, "That doesn't sound too bad so far. What about her more serious wounds?"

Now Beau blew out a sharp breath, one of the few times Isabelle saw him unsettled, and told her professionally, "Both wounds were infected, the knee more than the burn wound, and she's on antibiotics. Her knee wound has been restitched and luckily no surgery is needed on it. She might have a slight limp even when she fully heals. Hopefully if she keeps it moving and exercised, it'll not be too noticeable. See what happens. As for her side wound, that one was more serious. We're treating her for third degree burns and she will be morphling for a while. But she got extremely lucky and none of her organs were pierced. She will be out of it for about a week. I'm giving her a bit longer than most to let her rest - she sorely needs it. After the week is up, then she'll be fine to go to her interview with Caesar and start her Victory tour."

Isabelle sighed in relief and ran a hand through her hair. Her wounds could have been much more serious, but it still didn't account for what her mental stability might be. She wasn't ignorant enough to think that there wouldn't be episodes because they all had them, some just hid them better than others. They'd just have to see how things played out with Sera. Only her daughter would be able to truly judge how her mind was. She'd be a mother and help when she could, and of course Ellie would be a huge help. Looking Beau square in the eyes, she said, "I know you were the one that sent him the basket of medicine."

"I wasn't the one that sent the money. I got a very good and trusted friend to get that medicine she needed. You did plead for me to help her and I told you I would try. It was the only way I could do it without Snow suspecting anything," he said cooly as he kept walking.

Her eyes flashed in annoyance and she growled under her breath, but otherwise remained silent. Finally she asked, "I know you very well, Beau. You care more about the people that help than I do. Which means you would care more about that boy from Ten saving our daughter. So I'm gonna bet right now that for her sake, you went down to the morgue and saw his body."

"What?" Beau looked at her, then sighed. "Okay, not right here. Come on." He grabbed her arm and led her to a room with lots of noise. "That's better. Yes, I went down to see his body. I personally dealt with it too. He deserved that much from me after saving her life." He paused and his eyes gleamed in fascination. "You know what? The human body is truly fascinating, Isabelle. Getting a sword straight through his chest, nearly nicking his veins around his heart, but not touching any of his vitals, which is a remarkable thing of itself. Unfortunately... the blood loss killed him in the end. It was such a shame but his death was for a good cause." His eyes had a steel look to them and his voice had a tone that said "that's enough."

She sighed again and relented with her questioning after figuring that it would only cause a fight between them. "Fine, I'll stop the questioning. Where are we anyways?"

"Just down the hall to Sera's room. You wanted to see her right? Here she is," Beau replied with a smile and a twinkle in his eye. He ushered Isabelle into the private room, ignoring the guards - they were watching a Victor after all - and pointed at the bed.

"Sera!" She cried out, then realized her daughter was sleeping. She'd better be quiet then, let her rest. She ignored the beeping that came from the heart monitor attached to Sera, along with all the wires, and she brushed a hand across her face. "Oh Sera. You came back to me. Thank you. So, so much." She kissed her temple softly and settled down in the chair, holding Sera's hand, and said to Beau, "Thank you. For everything you have done for her and will continue to do for them both."

She didn't look up when she felt a hand brush through her hair and his quiet voice saying softly in her ear, "No need to thank me, Isabelle. They are my children as much as yours. Just don't forget that you know these games that Snow and everyone plays. They will both be involved in his little games now that Sera has won." He started to leave but stopped with one last thing to say though, "Oh and Isabelle? It would be best for you to not ask questions like you did about the boy. Questioning me or anyone about it… can be classified as dangerous and you don't want any more trouble, do you?" With that he left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him

What was that supposed to mean? And of course he was gone before she could ask. Maybe that was for the best. Xander was gone and that was all to it. Maybe he'd done something stupid and upset Snow. Yeah, that's probably it. She needed to focus on Sera's healing process. Her daughter was more important than anything, that's all that mattered. She did briefly wonder just what Beau had gotten himself into, but quickly shook those thoughts away. Beau was a big boy that could handle himself in whatever mess he got into. She could only hope it didn't come back and bite Sera in the ass.

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Sera was aware of an annoying beeping next to her ear. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't get rid of the beeping. She wanted it to stop because it was slowly dragging her out of the darkness and she wanted to stay in the darkness. She couldn't remember why other than that it wouldn't cause her any more pain.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

She turned her gaze towards the beeping sound and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. A heart monitor? Where was Levi? She needed to get Xander away from Levi. They needed to win the Games!

Wait.

Now she remembered. Xander was gone. He'd given his life for hers. And she had avenged him by killing Levi. It was all over. The Games won.

Which meant she must be in the hospital. Her breath hitched with the pain of the memories. She wished now more than anything to have her lover here.

"Sera! Baby girl! You're awake!"

She blinked at her mom's voice and smiled. She was glad to see her mother again, so very glad. A smile full of relief came to her mom's face and then Sera was being smothered by kisses and hands gently running over her face. Sera shut her eyes and just took in her mom's comforting and safe presence. She was more aware of the pain, her mom talking to her, a nurse coming in and asking her questions that she answered, before she went back to sleep. Which was a pattern she'd repeat for the next few days.

The day she was going into the world as the Victor of the 69th hunger games, Sera felt much better, nearly back to herself. The door opened and Sera looked at it hopefully. She wanted it to be her mother or Mags. Even Finnick or Kouza would do at this point, but it wasn't someone she recognized at all. It was a tall male, who was clearly very well off in the Capitol if his appearance was anything to go by, and he was wearing a doctor's coat. Her doctor probably. She waited with interest to see what he'd say.

He walked to the end of her bed and read her chart. Finally the chart was put away and he came over and checked her over, asking her the odd question and how she was feeling. At last he dropped her wrist and said, "I apologize, I should have introduced myself. My name is Dr. Beau, but you can just call me Beau. I was a doctor here at this hopital until I took over as head of it a while back. I still work on as a doctor to those who interest me."

Sera raised an eyebrow and asked curiously, "And I interest you?"

"Yes, you do. For reasons I will not tell you." He straightened up and informed her, "Your heart rate is good. Your blood pressure is good. The wound and burn are healing quite nicely. For your leg I would recommend doing some exercises to keep the muscles relaxed and moving. Get them used to moving again though you likely may always carry a slight limp with you. But work at it and it might not be much at all. Possibly only in bad weather you might feel it."

Sera took all of this information in with a deep breath. She released it and pushed down the anxiety she was starting to feel. "Thank you for telling me the truth about my injuries. I appreciate it."

She expected him to go away after that but he didn't. He just looked at her with a strange expression on his face that she couldn't discern. He placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a small comforting squeeze. "You deserve nothing but the truth from the ones that mean well. Not everyone will be truthful towards you. There will be lies and games to hide the truth. That's the hard thing about this world, but that doesn't make it right. However, what I can say about you is that you are a kind, brave, amazing young woman. You can face what's coming. You can rise above all of it. Do not be afraid to be yourself."

Sera looked up at him and locked eyes with his dark brown ones. She felt confused at his words. What did he mean, exactly? Sera couldn't find her words to ask a thing before her prep team poured into the room. Beau smiled at her and vanished through the small happy crowd and disappeared somewhere in the hallway.

The arrival of her team was welcome in a way. She missed their voices and fussing over her. But at the same time, they heralded dread in her. Since they were here, that meant one thing: the final interview. The interview that would show a recap of her Games. They would highlight all the deaths, all of her choices and her kills, but most of all, they would focus on her and Xander. The pain echoed through her heart at the great loss. She didn't want to talk about him yet. Yet now she would be forced to.

The next while was a blur and all too soon she found herself on the stage, looking out into the crowd. Sera ignored the Capitol citizens's shouts and cheers. Spotting her mom along with every other mentor of all of the fallen tributes, she relaxed a little. She wasn't completely alone. And shortly, she'd see her sister again. Just get through this part, she told herself. Just hang on a while longer.

"Seraphina!" Caesar smiled and announced once it got quiet enough. "Seraphina LuSera, our fan favorite of the year! I think I can say for everyone here about how glad we are that you are here today."

Sera played with the beads on her bracelet. A sense of longing and pain came to her as she had automatically reached for Ellie's necklace. She had forgotten Levi had broken it. And this bracelet did not belong to her anymore. It was Xander's now, that's how she would always think of it. Collecting herself, she replied primly, "Thank you, Caesar. This is what I was aiming for from the beginning. I had a lot of help getting here."

That interview would stay with her for the rest of her days. Caesar was nice enough, like he always was, asking about her family, how she was feeling, that sort of thing. Then the recap played. She'd sat there, trying her damndest to keep the emotions inside as she saw herself for the first time on the screen. She saw tribute after tribute fall, some by her hand, some by Xander's, some by others. And when it came to Xander's death, there in the blood-red river, with him gasping out his love for her, Sera couldn't do it. She burst out crying and covered her face with her hands.

She knew the Capitol citizens cried with her, and Caesar's arm was around her comforting her. She had to pull herself together! At last she managed it and straightened up, dabbing at her face so as to not smear her makeup.

And there was Snow.

The only time Sera had actually seen President Snow in persion was that initial ride into the Games, when she'd locked eyes with him. Being this close to such a dangerous man was unnerving. He smelt of roses with a hint of something else that she couldn't place. It was a disgusting combination that made her nose scrunch up in spite of herself. Snow greeted her kindly, talking to Caesar about one thing or another, before coming back and placing the crown on her head. She thought that might have been all except that he stopped to say, "Such a shame that a necklace as lovely as the one you wore got broken." His voice gave her chills and made her want to curl away from him.

Deciding to be at least civil, she replied, "Thank you, President Snow. That necklace meant a lot to me."

"Who gave you that necklace?"

"My sister. Though it was originally a present from our mother. She thought we could use it to remember she loved us."

A small smirk came to his, though he hid it very well. "Ah, yes. I'll assume that Isabelle was right in her statement to you both. You must mean a lot to her. She must be very proud of you for winning your games. Congratulations, Miss LuSera"

Sera gave another nod and sighed in relief when he walked away. She was led back out after a few more minutes and she only fully relaxed when she was with her mom, Mags, and Finnick again. She was done being in the Capitol. She just wanted to go home, grieve in peace, and try to forget about everything that happened. Even though she knew she never would.


	24. Chapter 24

_Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can fall together._

_-Marilyn Monroe_

* * *

Mags came to Isabelle's house with a freshly made basket as a present for Sera. She knew the girl had been alone for some time. That was natural. But to keep this up for too long wasn't. She would need to seek the comfort of others eventually.

Seeing Isabelle, Mags came up to her and asked gently, "How is your Sera? Do you think she might be up to a visit by now? Especially from me?"

Isabelle gave her a small, tired smile. "Mags, you know both girls consider you to be more of their grandmother than my mother is to them. They love seeing you." She sighed and rubbed her face in worry and told her, "Ellie's moved into her room, because she didn't want to leave her alone. Sera is really struggling. I know how it feels, and you do too. We both went through it. But we didn't fall in love with someone and then lose them in the same Games we were. I just am so thankful they didn't have to kill each other, so that's a mercy. But, Mags, she won't eat much. And I feel guilty, like I don't think my presence actually helps. If you can do anything, I'd be grateful."

Nodding sagely, Mags cheerfully said, "I understand. Not easy, the things she's been through. I'll have a look in, alright?" She patted Isabelle's cheek with a warm smile and then marched off purposely to Sera's house and up to her room. She peeked in and found Sera as Isabelle told her. She nodded with a smile to Ellie and gave a gesture to ask if it was alright to have some time alone with Sera.

Ellie looked up in relief, frustration, and hope. She rubbed Sera's shoulder and told her softly, "We'll be back soon, okay? I have an appointment I need to go to. I'll tell you how it goes when I get back." Not hearing any reply, Ellie sighed in growing frustration and stood up.

Stopping beside Mags outside the room, she made an actual sound of frustration, and asked in slight anger, "Why is she so hooked up on a dead guy? They're nothing good other than leaving in the first place. He's dead and she needs to move on already. She can't keep her life on hold for him forever."

Softly, Mags tried to explain while they were still out of earshot of Sera. "She's still in denial. Denial is often the first stage of grieving, and sometimes the hardest. We have to be patient, but only she can move on herself. She loved him. That much was obvious. How would you feel if you didn't know if, say, your own mother didn't love you but you loved her and then she told you she loved you with her dying breath? Would you want to just move right along from that? Or would you have trouble processing that, knowing there was no chance to have a better relationship after that?"

"I would be crushed," Ellie answered immediately. She thought a moment before saying, "I get that part, I do, but honestly, I didn't think it'd be like this. I mean, she was okay for the first week, talking and hugging and even helping me with the baby's room. And then she just one day came into her room and hasn't been out. I don't know how to help her. And the nightmares… I did expect those, because Mom still has those sometimes. I just feel stupid and useless and guilty because it should have been me. Ya know? She went because I was pregnant and I wasn't careful and if I had, she wouldn't have been in my place."

A gentle hand was laid on Ellie's shoulder and Mags told her to sit down a moment. Clearly this sister needed just as much help as the other. "Denial can come in many forms, my dear. The first week she was back, she buried all of her emotions down inside. Is that healthy? Not really. I think she just wanted to pretend that everything was normal and fine. But then it all hit her. She fought for her life. She killed people. She loved someone, then lost him. She was severely wounded and had to deal with that. Her district partner tried to kill her… someone she's seen every day of her life. And her lover died in her arms. That's a lot for one person to process. Just one of those things would be a lot. This little shut down is part of the healing process. Sometimes the body and mind need to do that to deal with what is happening. And that's okay. Denial helps us pace our feelings of grief, Ellie. There is grace in denial, you know. It's nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. Right now, for your sister, it's not a lot. But eventually, you'll see her deal with it a bit more. Then a bit more. We can help her with that. It will just take a lot of patience. And the best thing you can do is just be there for her, darling."

Ellie swiped at her eyes to hide the tears. "I'm trying to be patient. You know me by now...I would have blown up long ago, but she's my sister and she's hurting. I try talking to her and then I just lay there beside her in silence for hours. But I'm scared that isn't enough and I'll lose her for good."

"I know you're trying. And you're doing a great job. You are. It's hard. The thing she wants most, we can't give her. And that would be Xander." Mags sighed and shook her head fondly. "He was so full of it, wasn't he? I could have slapped that boy from here to Sunday for the asshole comments he made. But for all that, despite his fault, he was truly trying to be good. I can see that he'd have gotten her out of this. But we aren't him. And we'll never be. So we can sympathize with her. Best thing? Talk to her about it. Say you're sorry about everything she's been through. But give her hope. Talk to her about your own baby. Your hopes and dreams. The future. Give her something to look forward to, instead of looking back. Don't let her fear the past or the future." She patted Ellie's cheek in a motherly way and sighed.

Ellie took comfort from the touch and gave her own sigh. Kissing Mag's cheek, she muttered, "I'll be back later. I really do need to get to that appointment. I appreciate your words. That makes me feel better. And I'll keep trying. I promise."

Smiling at her, Mags made a shooing motion and then stepped into Sera's room. She warmly told her, "Hello, darling. I made you a nice pretty basket for you. I hope you like it." She sat down on the nearby chair and showed Sera the beautifully patterned basket. Ignoring the fact that Sera didn't say anything, she noted the young woman's eyes drawn to the brightly coloured basket. Patting Sera's hand, Mag's smile became even broader and said, "I see you like it. I'm glad! I was making it especially for you while you were away. Look, it's a very old story I weaved on here. See, it's a unicorn. Here a maiden meets the wild unicorn, and they say that only a virgin could tame a unicorn. Now here is the unicorn lying with his head on the maiden's lap. Now the men see the unicorn is tamed and capture him. This next frame shows the unicorn, penned and wounded. They will kill the unicorn because he is a creature they do not understand." She pointed at the next picture, "And now the maiden has mercy on the poor unicorn. She loves the beautiful creature. She doesn't want to see him die. Nor would it be fair for him to lead a life of captivity. See her lead the unicorn out secretly from under the noses of the men! And now she does the hardest task of all...she loves him dearly with all the love in her heart. And because she loves him, she sets him free."

"Then the maiden was stupid for falling in love with him." Sera's voice was soft and tired.

Putting the basket down, Mags shook her head. "No she wasn't stupid. Was it easy for her? No. But she found the strength to do the right thing by the unicorn. I'm sure if it was possible for him to stay with her, he would have. The maiden is fuller for her experience, her heart has a greater capacity for love, and she now is able to make better decisions for the greater good." Mags rubbed Sera's hand with one of her own. She looked at the basket and stroked the beautiful unicorn with his head on the maiden's lap.

Sera's body trembled and her breaths were shaky, and they soon gave way to sobs as she curled into a ball. "It hurts so much. I thought love was supposed to be beautiful, but why is it so painful then?"

Wrapping her arms around the sobbing girl, Mags rubbed her back and made sounds of comfort. "I know it hurts. Love **is** a beautiful flower when allowed to grow and blossom. And ripping it out hurts. It's a terrible pain, but you know what?" Mags sighed and thought over some of her own experiences. "It's better in a way to have it that way than to have loved someone and he gives that love back to you, leaving you confused as to why you even fell for him, and still love him. Your lover loved you to the end. And that _is_ a beautiful thing, once you heal enough to see it, Sera."

"I never want to love someone like that again," she whispered after a moment. Love was an awful thing to feel. It was even more awful to have taken away after such a short time. She refused to feel like this ever again. No man would ever squeeze their way into her heart like that again. No one.

Again rubbing Sera's hand, she told the girl, "Then you don't have to if you don't wish it. No one is forcing you to love another man. But I must point out, you do love other people. Your sister, your mother, hopefully me. And we are all on your side. All of us rooting for you. And you can tell us anything. If you want to share something privately, it's fine. If not, that's fine too. Just know we love you just as much."

"Alright. Thank you. I'll try. I'm not quite ready for sharing with anyone yet, but I promise to try. I know I've been shutting everyone out. I guess I just needed a reset. Thank you for coming. I'll be up later for something to eat. And I promised Ellie once she got back, I'd help with the baby's room." Sera waited until Mags hugged her and left before shutting her eyes. She'd sleep some more now, exhausted with the release of emotions. Then she'd try harder.

* * *

Sera sat at her mother's kitchen table late after supper a couple weeks after Mag's visit. She still felt sad, sometimes angry at people but she tried to shove, no not shove her feelings aside. Mags had said whatever emotions she felt were all valid. She needed to embrace them instead. And that's what Sera was trying to do. It was sometimes too slow a process for her liking but she knew one thing: she'd never be the same again, no matter how she wished it. And it seemed that she had got the same thing her mom did sometimes: insomnia. It sucked. Thankfully her mom had said to come over anytime day or night and she'd help. So here she was, in the kitchen, lost in thought.

She looked up with a smile when a steaming cup of warm milk was placed in front of her, instantly cupping her hands around it. This was something their mom had done after their nightmares to calm them when the sisters were small. Isabelle would hand them the warm milk, drinking her own, and wait in silence until they were ready to talk about it. This time was no different.

Sera wasn't sure how long they just sat there. But finally she said as she stared into her cup, "He died for me."

Isabelle was quiet in her answer, "He did."

"It's my fault."

A comforting hand on Sera's own. "You couldn't stop him. It was his decision."

Sera felt relief at the words. There was no "that's not true" or "it wasn't your fault." She was oddly glad for it. Her mom was not telling her how to feel or if it was the wrong thing to feel as she continued, "It should have been me."

Isabelle sucked in a breath as she squeezed Sera's hand. Her voice was a bit choked as she replied, "Perhaps so. But someone else saved you and I am ever so grateful."

Sera snapped her eyes up to her mom. Their eyes met and Sera could see a flash of fear in her mother's face. She had to admit, she'd feel the same if it was her own kid she was watching fight to the death. Or Ellie. Still, Sera looked back down to her cup and admitted, "I wish I could go back in time and switch places with him."

"No," the answer back was sharp, making Sera to look up. An anger was in her mom's eyes, even if her voice was calm, "He gave you a gift. You live your life to the fullest in honour of him. It's how you repay him."

Tears welled up as Sera shook her head. "I don't deserve to live. I… just wish I died instead of him. He was so much more worthy than I am. Why couldn't Levi have taken me instead? Xander could have easily beaten him."

A hand cupping her chin, forcing her to look at her mother as she spoke. "Never, and I mean never… tell me that you wished to die instead." Isabelle's finger pressed to Sera's lips. "You not want to live now. You may not think you deserve to live. You may wish to change to go back But never regret the gift of life he gave you. I sure as hell won't."

Isabelle paused and her thumb stroked her daughter's tear stained face. "I know your grief. I understand your pain and your loss. I only had Mags during the time I lost everything dear to me. But baby, it takes time to move on. And you have to give yourself that time. You meet people that help you, and you handle it in ways that you know how. Sometimes it's not the way you think, but that's okay. It's a process. And you, my darling daughter, have so many people behind you. The pain will never go away completely. It'll lessen, but there will be days when it comes back with a vengeance. You'll go back to the wishing and wanting to die. But then you'll come out of it and you see the people that love you. And it's only then that you're grateful for the gift of life. Yours will come soon. I promise."

* * *

Finnick opened up his door and raised an eyebrow at Sera. He sighed softly and sat down on the edge of the bed. Sera had been getting around better, but still slept a lot. He knew she was depressed, and he couldn't blame her. He was the same after his Games. Which is why he was here, helping her. She was doing well, but Isabelle and Ellie were still scared they were losing Sera. He shook the blanketed shoulder and calmly said, "You can't keep doing this. I may not know how it feels to lose someone you love, but you're scaring the crap out of the ones that are left."

The blanket moved and brown eyes glared at him. "What do you want? I was sleeping. Isn't sleeping good for something like this?"

"I want you to get up, take a shower, and eat something. Then I want to show you something that helps me when it starts to get too bad for me."

She had been about to protest, but something stopped her. She didn't know if it was his honesty, the understanding look he was giving her, or just that some part of her knew Finnick was right. So she glared hard at him (just because she could) picked some fresh clothes, and slammed the door followed by slamming the bathroom door to show him her feelings on the matter.

Finnick had to chuckle a bit at the attitude. That at least was a good sign. But he took this time, after making sure he heard the water running, to go downstairs and grab the tray of food Ellie had laid out. He snatched it up, giving Ellie a winning smile, and got back to the room at the same time as Sera did.

She glared at him and then at the food, crossing her arms across her chest. She had taken a quick shower in hopes that it would let her be in peace and she could at least go back to bed. She was wrong and he was back with food. "What do you want?" She asked again.

"I want to help you. And I want you to actually listen to me this time, Sera," Finnick said pointedly as he held the tray out. "Eat."

Seeing that being stubborn and fighting wasn't going to get her anywhere, Sera grabbed the tray and started eating. She had to admit after eating a piece of bread, she was kinda hungry after all, but she'd never say that out loud. So instead, she nibbled on this and that and until she had enough and placed the tray on her nightstand.

Finnick settled down beside her and placed a rope in her hands. "This isn't the one I use, but one I found from my father's boat. When the depression kicks in and I find it tough to go on with my day I tie knots. I focus on that and repeat the things that make me happy to be alive."

Sera looked at him, at the rope, back at him, and then the rope. Her thoughts turned to the arena. She'd tied knots in there. She'd untied Xander from the knots that Levi had made. But Finnick had gone through this before. She'd try it. Even if was just for his sake - she could see he was trying to help. Her fingers trembled as she tied a familiar knot. "Ellie." Another knot. "Mom." A knot. "Mags." One more knot. "The baby." A more simple knot. "My friend."

Sera stared at the five knots in the rope. It _did_ help a bit. She had to focus on what she was doing with her hands. She played around with different knots she knew and tried some unfamiliar ones, not minding it if she messed up. During this time she expected Finnick to leave, but to her surprise he stayed. He taught her different knots and as he did so, he also talked to her about the depression. It was normal, he said, but he also reminded her to do one thing every day that made her happy, one thing on her to do list, and one thing that furthered herself. She liked that. She could do that. It would be hard. And some days, she knew she might only get one of those three done. But that was okay. Even one, he said, was progress. One didn't sound so bad after all.

* * *

It was officially two and a half months after her victory at the 68th Hunger Games. It had been a long road these past two months, and she knew that there was still further to go, but she was accepting that it was okay to fall apart sometimes, as long as she picked herself up again. She was on the right track and she had people that were supporting her. And for that, she was ever so grateful.

She still had nightmares about the games every night. She still saw shadows of people she killed in front of her. She still carried the guilt of Xander's death, but she had her good days too. Days where she could laugh and forget. Days where she got excited and talked animatedly to Ellie's ever growing stomach. Hell, she had even thrown herself into the nursery, delighting in every small detail. It wasn't anything fancy but it was for someone special to come. Someone that they all very much wanted.

The only thing that had been troubling her lately was her health. For some reason she was throwing up and she was so restless. Was she coming down with something? She'd been under a lot of stress so that might be it. She wasn't too worried about it. She would get over it sooner or later.

Another week went on with Sera feeling quite tired, still having trouble keeping things down, and becoming irritable about it. She knew everyone was getting worried that she was going downhill again. She brushed it off with telling them that she was fine and would be back on track soon. It was just some bug, right? She lasted through an entire Games. She wasn't gonna let some stupid sickness get her down. She was better and stronger than that.

Her words would have been true if she hadn't passed out in the middle of a visit with Annie and Finnick. When she woke up, it was in a hospital bed with a random doctor standing over her saying, "Ah, Miss Lucas? Good. You're awake. Your two friends brought you into me when you passed out on them. I kicked them outside to wait."

Sera sat up and rubbed her eyes. What happened? Oh, she'd been with Finn and Annie. They'd been talking outside when she got dizzy and then nothing. Weird. "Well, since I'm awake now, does that mean I'm good to go?" Sera asked hopefully. She'd rather not stay here if she could avoid it. The look she got in return made her settle down with a sigh "Okay then. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor placed her hands on her hips, looking every bit like a mother scolding her child, and told her, "Miss Lucas! I know you have been through a trying time, and I truly am sympathetic with what you went through, but if you wish to keep your baby healthy you need to start taking of care of your body!"

Sera's eyes snapped up and she sputtered, "Wait! Baby? But I'm not pregnant! I can't be pregnant! It's not possible."

The doctor's face softened at the frightened look on the young girl's face. "Oh. I thought you... I am sorry for saying it like that. You do remember I watched your Games, Seraphina. You had intercourse with that young man during it. And from your expression I am assuming that there was more beforehand. I tested you just in case. You are pregnant."


	25. Chapter 25

_When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly in its place._

_C.S. Lewis_

* * *

Pregnant.

She was pregnant.

Sera had no reason to doubt the elderly doctor, but she was in denial. She couldn't be pregnant. She just couldn't. For one thing, the timing was awful and this world was no place to raise a child in. It was full of danger, deceit, and murder. Secondly, she was not in any way shape or form ready to be a mother. She still had flashbacks from the Games and from what her mother said, that was normal. That's when she went into a panic attack mode and… well, she basically just called it an episode.

Okay. She blew out a breath and gave herself a talk. Now wasn't the time to be focusing on all of that. First, she needed to find out anything she could for the pregnancy and the baby. Then she could go and be by herself. Yes, that sounded like a good plan for now. She would worry about telling her mother and sister later.

There was no doubt who the father was. That conversation that she'd once had with Xander flashed through her mind. He'd been uncertain of being a father, but she'd believed - and still did - that he'd have been a wonderful father. She owed it to Xander to make sure the kid was born healthy and safe. Plus, she had told him that she would raise it if she were pregnant. She wouldn't go back on her word. Rubbing her eyes, she sat back down and asked, "So, what do I do now?"

The doctor gave her a small smile and told her, "I would recommend making regular appointments to check you out and make sure that you are moving along well. And I do have a few things I can give you. Along with some advice."

Sera breathed a sigh of relief. This was going to be a hell of a ride, she could tell. As long as someone was in her corner health-wise, she'd be alright. The doctor left the room and soon came back holding a few items in her hand. "Here. These are prenatal vitamins that you'll need to take." Sera got handed a big bottle before the doctor continued, "This is some medicine to help with the morning sickness. And please, don't be afraid to come by anytime for anything you think you need advice on. I don't care how weird or gross or trivial you think it might be. I'm here to reassure you and take care of you, okay?"

Sera stared at the bottles in her hands and smiled wider. "Thank you. I appreciate these and I'll make sure to make a further appointment." She left the room and spoke to the receptionist. Sera hesitated to tell her why. She didn't want Snow butting in but then again, even if she tried to hide the pregnancy, Snow would find out sooner or later. She was hoping for way, way later.

Afterwards, Sera made her way outside again where she found Finnick and Annie waiting for her. She glanced at their clasped hands with a shot of jealousy and longing. She should be having that with Xander. But she couldn't and that brief surge went away when they stood up with worried faces. Finding herself still holding the bottles - she should have asked for something to put them in - Sera decided quickly to hide the bottle labels against her legs. She was not ready to tell anyone just yet, especially in the middle of the street in broad daylight. Instead, she told them as pleasantly as she could, "Before you both ask, I'm fine. Just a small dizzy spell from trying to get back into everything."

Annie stepped up and placed a hand gently on her arm. Her face was full of concern as she asked, "Are you sure that you're feeling alright? Fainting like that all of a sudden didn't seem like a normal dizzy spell."

Sera explained, "No, it was just a dizzy spell that led to fainting." Bullshit she knew, but she realy didn't want to answer questions just now. She had to get them to stop before things went further. "Just a mixture of things from not sleeping regularly, not eating right, stress, and a couple of other things." She held up the bottles quickly. "See? I have medicine for it now. I'm just going to go home and sleep. Rest it off."

Neither Annie or Finnick looked like they believed her, but Finnick said slowly, "Okay. We'll let you go then. I'll drop by later to see how you're doing. Do you want us to walk you home?"

Sera shook her head and told them, "No thanks. I'll be fine just walking there. I'll leave you two to your date. Have fun." Sera didn't give them time to answer her before marching away back home. She popped the bottles into her part of the cupboard in the bathroom so she'd remember to take them later. There, that'd do. Now to the bedroom. Her one place of respite. Thought that might make Ellie worried all over again because she'd spent far too much time in there. Her sister was probably right. Where should she go then? She wanted a place to just sit and think without anyone around.

The beach.

Yes, that would do. Sera headed out to a favourite spot when she and Ellie were children. When she found it again, she looked around approvingly. It had rocks running along the shore and the ocean waves gently hitting against them. The seagulls screamed defiance against the endless sea. Now Sera felt she could let her thoughts go and ponder the news she had just received.

"Pregnant." She said the word aloud. That made it sound so real. Was this how Ellie felt when she found out? Though Ellie was a different circumstance altogether - her sister liked fooling around and then there was that whole mess with the then boyfriend not wanting to stay. Ellie had made that choice to keep the baby and kick the guy out. Sera longed for Xander at this moment. How would he have reacted? Probably would have that wary look but a pleased expression in his blue eyes but afraid to show much more than that. She sighed. He was gone and he'd never know. It felt like the world was making her the butt end of a cruel joke. Why now out of all times? Why give her her dream only to take the rest of it away? It wasn't fair. Life could be a cruel bitch at times.

Sera wanted to be excited about the baby but in reality she was scared. For one, her family was under the watch of Snow. She still didn't really know what her mom did, but she had pissed him off twice, not to mention that Sera herself had won the Games too. Yeah, Snow wasn't happy with her family. She couldn't lose her sister or her mother. Not now. Not ever.

And then there was the fact that this was Xander's child. Xander, who had been a rebel. Who had made sure that he spoke bluntly no matter the punishment or who got hurt. It didn't matter that he was dead now. Snow would be keeping an extra eye on their child because of the father. Plus if the child was anything like Xander, then her and her whole family were screwed big time.

There was another reason she was terrified. She accidentally followed in her own mother's footsteps. Her mom's situation was too similar. Let's see. She listed off on her fingers. Both had won the Games. Both had fallen in love with someone to do with them. And both of them had lost someone they loved dearly. Her mom had lost her little sister. She'd lost Xander. And last off all, the pregnancy. Her mom had fallen pregnant with Ellie from that man in the Capitol. They were all too similar.

And now she was carrying a child at the same time as her sister. Did she want to follow in her mother's footsteps? Or did she want to forge her own road? She didn't know what those answers were but she knew that she wanted to keep everyone she loved safe. Including this unexpected new life.

It was an hour or so later when Sera heard the rocks give way nearby. Looking up from listening to the waves crash gently against the rocks, she spotted Ellie making her way over and sitting next to her in silence. After a while, Sera spoke up quietly, "Why are you here?"

Ellie kept her gaze on the ocean and answered as quietly, "I got home from shopping with mom and Mags and you weren't home. I bought some stuff for the nursery."

"Oh? I know you were probably worrying about me, but I'm okay. I'm feeling okay, I promise. I'd tell you if I wasn't. I just needed some… space to myself."

"Well," Ellie started to say before looking at Sera. "I found out that something happened. And I got worried because you're my sister."

Squeezing her eyes shut, Sera blew out a breath to steady herself. "Finnick tell you?"

"No, Annie did. She was very worried about you. She told me what happened to you. How you fainted and they brought you to the clinic. What happened?"

Now Sera was surprised by this piece of information. "Annie did? Why would she be worried about me?" she asked curiously, choosing to ignore the hospital questions. That wasn't something she was ready to tell anyone just yet.

"You do know Annie is a friend of yours, right? She does worry about you. And you need all the friends you can get, Sera. You've been pushing everyone except your family and Finnick away from you. Yes, okay, you won the Games. But you're still Seraphina Lucas, the girl in District Four people love. People are not strangers. You're making yourself one."

Sera lowered her head to knees with a sigh. Ellie was right. She was very defensive these days that she didn't feel like herself. "Sorry. Everything has just been… hard lately. It feels like I'm drowning in the ocean with no way up to the surface. I'm not sure if I'll ever feel normal again. Is there even a normal to begin with?"

Ellie had a sympathetic look on her face. Her voice was gentle as she hugged Sera. "You may not feel completely normal right now, but I can promise you that you will feel normal in the long run. These things just take time. It won't be the normal you had before, but a new normal that you can live with." She paused slightly. "It did with mom. I mean she's not as normal as she was before this, but she made herself a new normal. A normal with us. I believe with all my heart that you'll have a new normal that suits you. You just need to take time to heal and figure it out what that is when the time is right." Smiling, she added, "Even if you do have your off days, that's okay. I'll be off with you. Make it much more fun, yeah?"

Sera jerked in surprise but then smiled softly. She loved her sister dearly but she was puzzled at the last statement. "Be off together? How do you plan on being off like me?" she asked with a hint of amusement.

Ellie locked eyes with Sera and said without hesitation, "By being by your side and doing whatever it is that you're doing at the time. I dragged you into things that you weren't fond of. This is only fair. Plus you're my sister. It's in the job description."

Sera blinked a few times before laughing in surprise. She returned the hug with a fierce squeeze. "Thanks sis. We can always depend on each other. I"m sorry I've not been the best sister lately, but I am truthful when I say I can't wait for your baby. I promised you that I'd stick with you through this. We're stuck together, you know that, right?" Her smile slipped from her face as she recalled what her mom had said. "You know what? You know how you said mom made a new normal with us. Did you know that our father is someone from the Capitol? Mom met him on her Victory tour six months after President Snow killed her boyfriend and our older half sister. I think her name started with a C. She wasn't very old."

"Really? We had an older sister? Huh. I always knew something bad happened…" She trailed off and put a hand on her baby bump, "but to have your boyfriend and child killed is the worst punishment I can think of."

Sera mumbled her answer, "Yeah, we did. I wish we could have met her. Or would we have even been born if mom's boyfriend and kid had lived? I don't know, but I still wish we could have met them both." She went silent and thought about their own mysterious father. The only thing Sera knew was that they had to look like him. Which brought to question her niece or nephew's own father. "Ellie? Who's the father of the baby?"

Ellie was silent for a long time before eventually shrugging and rolling her eyes. "Does it matter? He's not going to be in the picture. At all."

Sera cocked her head at her sister and said softly, "It matters to me."

Her sister heaved a big sigh and looked at the water again. "Well, I supposed it's water under the bridge by now. The truth is, I was waiting till after your Games to figure stuff out. Well, not necessarily yours in particular, that was before we found out who the tributes were." She sighed again and played with her hair over one shoulder. "You do recall Cayman?" When Sera nodded she continued, "Well, as you well know, that's Levi's older brother. The one in the family everyone looks up to or something. Well, he and I had a thing going on, but I was never really serious, but we were starting to be. And I did notice that Levi was jealous of me. I mean, not to boast, but he always thought he was some hot shot and I could beat him in training. I saw what he did to you in the games and I feel like that's my fault…"

"Wait, what's that got to do with anything to do with my Games? I'm confused."

Ellie's hand gripped Sera's. "A lot. See, Cayman is the dad. I know I should have told you before but that's what happened. It was a dumb thing, heat of the moment thing, and I knew I shouldn't have done it afterwards. And it was even worse when Cayman all of a sudden started to think we were a family and started bossing me around. I couldn't handle that. You know how I am with that sort of thing. And then we got into arguments and then one day… he hit me. That was it, the final straw. I was not going to have him around me or my kid. I didn't care if it was half his, he wasn't gonna do that to me. After that, Levi was furiously angry at my rejection of Cayman. He started bugging me and really going after me with training. He was venomous and hated my guts and stood up for his brother every time I tried to explain. He said he'd get me some day where it hurt most. And that… was you. The way he went after you in the games… it broke my heart. I know if you died by his hand, it would be my fault. For one stupid choice I did…"

Sera squeezed her sister's hand in return. "Hey, it's not your fault. Now I get it." She really did, everything made sense. Cayman didn't come around anymore, but her sister had had a few guys come and go and she'd thought nothing of it. But to hit her sister, her pregnant sister to boot, that made her angry. And Levi! No wonder he was so vindictive of her. Family honour or some such nonsense.

Now for the first time, she was glad she killed Levi. To treat her sister like dirt was… "It really is not your fault. And if he ever comes around, I'll run him right out of the District itself!"

Grabbing Sera, Ellie shared a big hug and wiped some accidental stray tears away. "Don't you dare say I'm crying. I'm not. Just got a lash in there, okay?" Sitting up again but leaving her hand in her sister's, she asked, "And you? What's up with you? Tell me what's going on."

Sera sucked in a breath and tried to figure out just how to say it. She was still thinking when she blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

Ellie's sharp breath was the only sign of any expression. Sera tore her eyes away from her sister and looked at the ocean in a mixture of shame and guilt. She stammered on, "I know I shouldn't be shocked that I am pregnant. I mean, I did have sex with him more than once. Quite a bit more, but it didn't occur to me until later… and Xander was a big escape for me and then… I know I made a terrible mistake! This baby is a mistake that should never have happened in the first place!"

"It's not a mistake," Ellie said softly.

"I should get rid of it, Ellie, I can't have a baby now… but I promised him and I… I want him to be a dad to this child but he's not here and I am gonna be horrible at this!"

Ellie's eyes flashed but she remained calm. She grabbed Sera's shoulders tightly and forced her to look at her. "Seraphina Lucas. Xander is dead and you have a baby inside you. _His _baby is growing inside you. Sure, maybe having reckless sex wasn't the best idea. But Sera, if there is one thing I know, it's that you have to live up to your mistakes. You made a mistake and are now carrying the consequence inside you. And some mistakes will turn out to be blessings." Sera tried to shrug Ellie off but her sister only cupped her chin and cheek, keeping their eyes locked as Ellie continued, "You are damaged by what happened. You're more compassionate than I am. It cuts you deeper than most and drives you nuts. But that is only a single part of you. You are strong in your own way. And I honestly think that this mistake you made is going to be the thing that you need to become even stronger." With that Ellie stood up, tugging Sera up with her. "You know what? I bet you anything that you are going to be a far better mother than me. You'll end up loving him or her with all your heart. And that will help you heal even more. You're going to be a great aunt and an even more amazing mother. You loved him and you wanted him in your life all your days, didn't you? Well, now you get to have part of that. It's not him, and it won't be the same thing. But Sera, you are lucky. You had someone to love you truly like that. You'll do fine. And this kid is gonna have the very bestest aunt looking after it too."


End file.
